Rant Thread - Page 48

Manimal · 11-30-2005, 11:56 PM

in most cases the verbal abuse is worse - the sad thing is that only very rarely do you get the physical abuse without the verbal on top of it all. It's really a horrible thing to think about and there is simply no excusing either.

The strange thing is when the tables are turned and it's the woman abusing the man. I went through that for years with the mother of my boy. In fact at the time I didnt even recognize it as abuse. Only towards the end did it get physical and while she never really damaged me it was still abuse and I just had to take it. What could I do? The police made it clear that if I lifted one finger or raised my voice and she complained about it I'd be the one in jail. I filed a restraining order and lost because she had not caused "lasting physical damage".

The saddest part - addressing Rose's point - is that all of the hurtful verbal shit she spouted at me was always - always - right there in front of the children (she has a daughter now in foster care). It took so long to "normalize" my son after she was gone - and there are still times of regression. Hell I'm only now realizing just how really scarred I was by all of the shit she did. I put all of my focus into the loved ones around me - especially my son that I couldn't see it. I always assumed I was the strong one and was ok but I really was affected by it - in some ways forever.

rockandrose · 12-01-2005, 12:11 AM

I personally find that verbal abuse is a lot more degrading than physcial abuse.

I think in terms of abusive means, words is stronger than actions.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 12-01-2005, 12:49 AM

Insignificant whine.

I have Pharyngitus.

End whine here.

Manimal · 12-01-2005, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockandrose

I personally find that verbal abuse is a lot more degrading than physcial abuse.

I think in terms of abusive means, words is stronger than actions.

Thats basically what I was trying to say - you just said it much more simply than I did

Empty_Purple_Stars · 12-02-2005, 05:43 PM

After everything that's happened the past month or so, you would think I would have heaps to say.. But I just don't.. Instead I am sitting in a Cyber Cafe wishing I could find the words to express where I 'Am' and what I feel inside..But nothing comes..Nothing good anyway..

I will say it is quite amazing that there are individuals that after more than a year have nothing better to do STILL with their pathetic lives than to try and start MORE drama in my life.. And hear I actually thought you had changed when you called my mom during Hurricane Rita.. You know who you are, both of you.. Really pathetic.. Truly.. I have gone to great lengths to avoid even the thought of you, but you just can't ever quit.. Least I still have all of those nifty pics of you right? Get a new hobby okay? Buy a fish.. Something.. Just one that doesn't involve ME.. Give ME the same courtesy I have given you.. FOr a VERY long time now.. Alot more I want to say, but its really not worth it. Just friggin quit okay..For once..Just friggin quit.

Fucking Sigh..

I wish I had explanations for the pitifully few people I believe I can still call friend. I don't.. I can only say I did the best I can.. As Manimal can attest to, medically things just spiraled out of control.. Things went on that even he didn't know about..I became so ashamed of the freakshow that I had/have become..Blood pouring out of orifices that it shouldn't always brightens your day yknow..At one point recently I lost 16 lbs in 2 weeks.. I can't even look at myself in the mirror most of the time now.. I hate the monster my body has become.. I hate the 1001 shades and flavors of pain I live with everyday.. I hate eating and then dreading the pain that will soon follow even the smallest of meals..I hate people asking me if I am fucking pregnant because my tummy is so swollen..I hate the nosebleeds in the morning..I hate the bruises that appear out of nowhere.. I hate the AIR itself for feeling like broken glass against my fevered and pain wracked body when I change clothes..I hate feeling weak.. I hate not feeling like a real woman anymore..I hate the doctors and the surgeons.. I hate the next motherfucker that is going to cut me open AGAIN and gut me like a friggin fish AGAIN.. I hate having to tell my son to be gentle with me.. I hate seeing the worried look on his face when he sees that I am in pain... I hate the fear in his voice when he begs God in his nightly prayers not to let me die..I hate not being able to be a better mother..A better student.. A better woman.. A better....sob..

Seems like such a simple and basic desire, to want to live..

I don't wish for fame or wealth or perfect tits.. I just want to live..I just want that chance..I want to look forward to the coming day when I open my eyes, instead of dreading the coming daily torture..I want to be able to be touched without it hurting.. I want the air to be my friend again..I want to dance.. I want to graduate and watch my son graduate.. I want to be a wife.. a woman..I want to be sensual and seductive.. Funny and Fucked up, but in the GOOD way..I want to run again.. ride a bike..chase a ball.. cliff dive..

I want to look at a flight of stairs and not want to cry thinking of how bad getting up and down them will be..I want to forget the sound of my whimpering, banish my screams of agony from my soul forever..Banish the looks of pity I get from strangers and loved ones..

I just want a chance.. A break.. Some rest.. And the ability to Hope again..

But now all I am is weary and angry and lost within my self and the diseases that are destroying me utterly, inside and out..

I wouldn't wish what I live through every gawdamn day, on my worst enemy.. No, not even you D.... If there is a Hell, it is this, it is this, it is this.. There is no refuge from it.. No shelter to be found.. No safe place to offer escape..Where can you run when you are being hunted by your own body?? When your own body is devouring itself, what means of defense do you have? Where is there to turn, when there is nowhere to turn.. The very thing that should be sacred and treasured to me, my own body is my most dire of enemies..

I'm just so lost and so very,very,very weary of the pain and the fight..

So Weary...

edible_eye · 12-03-2005, 07:13 AM

i wish you no more pain, eps. take care.

ohthefuckwell · 12-03-2005, 07:45 AM

oh, man.

some shit just gets funnier every time i read it.

like thinly veiled threats, for instance. those are always amusing.

Soul_Immortal · 12-03-2005, 10:16 AM

This is more of a Rant, but eh, its still on Topic. (No pun)

I really hate it when these pre-teens think a pair of fishnet armwarmers, clunky combat boots and black lipstick make them goth. Especially when they hang out in groups outside of the mall and glare at anyone that happens to walk into Hot Topic.

Is it not ok for anyone not wearing to walk into that store to buy something? Pfft. Kids. I went in, yet again, the other day to pick up a few Amy Brown bookmarks for my sister in law. And the cashier glared at my purchase, again. And the preteens stared at me, again.

I seriously do resist the urge to mouth off at the people who dare judge my actions without knowing my intent, purpose and/or agenda. I have to give it to them though, I didn't think the brain held enough 'stupid' cells...just enough to allow that person basic functions such as: glaring, scratching, sniffing and toking a bowl while making a few noises. Watch out ladies and gents! These 'stupid' cells allow the person to,...yes...you guessed right.

Perform all of these actions at once! AT ONCE!! Can you believe it?

-.-

***

Feel better, EPS, the world needs ya! =)

***

Growing up, I watched my mother bounce back and forth from one boyfriend to the next, and I went for the ride. Many times I saw her get kicked, punched, choked and slapped around for the tiniest damn things and quite often, my actions would catch the bad attention also. I'd never understood while she stayed with these men until high school. Even after she gave me her reasons, I can still look back and hear myself pleading to her, "Mom, let's just go to grandma's please?" But, the motherfucker would just look at her and smile telling her to shut me up or that he would do worse to her.

Instead, I was sent to my room.
***

I can relate, dear.

tenet_2012 · 12-03-2005, 10:47 AM

It's a bad day.

My problems are petty next to the others that are posted, but I must rant anyways.

My boyfriend and I broke-up yesterday. I didn't see it coming. I thought that I was in love. I needed a rebound and quick.

I have been talking to this guy online for awhile, like almost a year. He has always been asking to meet me. I always said no because I don't do that. You know like date someone I met online? Anyway, I finally said yes because I needed someone last night.

I go to meet him. When, I get there I find that he is the fag I hate most, superficial, shallow and fake. I decided to give him a chance, after all people are fake to a point.

So, we start taling and this guy starts going off about how he doesn't like people that doesn't fit in with his crowd, like the goths, punks, geeks, ect. I hate when people judge a whole group of people that way. We fought and I left.

I then proceeded to get smashed at the bar and all the sudden I'm back at his house. I ask him what he wanted. He said, "You." Fucking pathetic! I took that in stride and told him that I do not have sex unless I am in a relationship. He said that he wanted one with me as well.

So, we had sex.

Afterwards, this fucker says that he "can't" be with me. He says that he is too young to be tied down. I could have killed him. I left probably to never see him again.

So, this really cool online relationship was smashed to pieces in one night and with this person's arrogance.

I feel used...

It's a bad day, Gnet.

Metatron · 12-03-2005, 11:10 AM

I'm sorry to hear that, but online relationships almost NEVER work unless you've met them before you started talking to them on the net. People can be whoever they want to be on the internet, and that is why it's so hard to trust people over the web. Cyberspace and all of these wires and connections hide the true face of everyone. I hope you feel better.

edible_eye · 12-03-2005, 12:41 PM

tenet -

although i'm sorry you feel like shit - re-read what you wrote. if anything, you made the initial decision to walk away from him and should have stuck by it. heading back to his place after getting smashed doesn't provide the necessary fertilizer for a "relationship", no matter what he said. he wanted to fuck, you wanted to fuck. you both got what you wanted at the time.

don't beat yourself up or blame him for a night of drunken sex. it's a lose-lose situation.

Jane13 · 12-03-2005, 12:56 PM

Soul_Immortal, I know that feeling... ugh. Just remember that those kids probably don't even know who the Bauhaus are... even though we would never sink to the level of bringing that up

Phayte · 12-03-2005, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metatron

I'm sorry to hear that, but online relationships almost NEVER work unless you've met them before you started talking to them on the net. People can be whoever they want to be on the internet, and that is why it's so hard to trust people over the web. Cyberspace and all of these wires and connections hide the true face of everyone. I hope you feel better.

That's not always true. I met my hubby online. Been together almost 4 years. 1st wedding anniversary is 3 months away.

I've found there are 2 kinds of online people. Those who lie to be someone else and those who can finally be themselves. It's hard to tell who is who, but there are good people out there.

Metatron · 12-03-2005, 01:55 PM

Well of course there are always exceptions - "...almost never work..."

AlKilyu · 12-03-2005, 02:00 PM

I have...well it's a rant and yet...

OK so I am pushing forward with taking someone to small claims court. That will go thru just fine.

So I get a letter yesterday with my name from the Department of Justice and of course I'm thinking "WTF?" so I open it up, and it's a letter from a judge('s office) who is to sentence a douchebag that bilked me and my ex's parents out of money. See, many moons ago, she had told me her parents were investing in this company that was purporting to have a new OS that was faster than Windows. This was back during the internet boom (ugh!) so I took ...some money out of my 401k and invested as well and I had/have/had 4,000 shares of this shit.
Well this guy's world went to hell cause he was enganged to the biggest investor's daughter, went out and got drunk, and got a stripper pregnant. So she, in anger, reveals to the rest of us shareholders that the guy had been lying when he was supposed to be taking trips to Taiwan and shit. I had heard he was being investigated but lost touch with my only source of info on him and now find out there is on top of all that, a chance to get THAT money back. Great!

But I see the deplorable person who borrowed $500 from me is still around and even though this person still has my contact info (she disconnected her phone #) yet still can get online to whine about her problems but cannot drop me an email or call to at least have the common courtesy to say "I'm sorry" or "I am a manipulator" or "bilking people out of money then running is something I do every two years or so". Nothing.

As you can imagine, I am much wiser, less apt to spend money, and have no sympathy for either party or what will become of their life as a result of the legal system.

D we are above that now.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 12-03-2005, 07:48 PM

To EPS: Gnet Misses you alot, and I've read what you have written.

Please feel better soon, and take care.

xXambivalenceXx · 12-04-2005, 12:58 PM

Over the last month or so, my so-called best friend has completely shoved me to the curb. Apparently, the first reason was that her boyfriend's mother didn't like me. Okay, I didn't care, he'd be gone in a week. *And he was* But then, I was too bitchy. Ah, right... the almighty drama queen must have been getting jealous.

Now, the bitch won't even utter a word to me because she suddenly has it in her bleached blonde head that she's too good for me. Just because you get attention from guys doesn't mean you're special. It means you're a fucking whore who fucks anything with a cock. I HATE tramps, and especially cocky tramps. >.<

And yesterday, she suddenly wants me to be her best bud again, and she's talking to me like nothing happened, but raises up a stink and accuses me of being "stuck in the past" for bringing up how fucking unbearable she was? Wtf?

>.< Okay, yes... ever happened to anyone else?

Jane13 · 12-04-2005, 02:27 PM

I'm sorry your friend is being stupid... one of my best friends has become stupid, but I complain about that a lot... When you have ovarian cysts at the age of 15 and chronic asthsma, I think it means you should DO something about it instead of selling crack! Fuck!
rant over.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 12-04-2005, 10:41 PM

Geisha Girl, See the thread called 'More To Life Than Goth' I'm directing you there because your whine there...written in true annoyance (Which is good of course) has similarities with posts months earlier.

Goddammit....People who think they are 'gother than thou' piss me off to an extreme.

Blah.

My rant thing, I still have pharyngitus.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 12-04-2005, 11:09 PM

I could've sworn I added some aspect of *gother than thou* in it...Then again, I could be hallucinating

ningakitty · 12-05-2005, 10:04 AM

Ugghh... hearing voices seems "fun-ish" at first, but it gets super annoying. Not only that, but it even started to scare me. The voices were telling me to do bad things, and I had the worst nightmares. What should I do?

sensuous0mar · 12-05-2005, 10:09 AM

bad like, shave the cat bad? or bad like pants your teacher bad? or bad like suicide bomb all of DC bad?

sensuous0mar · 12-05-2005, 10:15 AM

maybe eat green ham bad.

AlKilyu · 12-05-2005, 12:24 PM

Or

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6.../greeneggs.jpg

Heh I made that for a Children's Books thread last year that got deleted. :P

rockandrose · 12-05-2005, 01:49 PM

Ahhh....the memories....

I used to read those books when I was a child...