Pathetic

[Amunet]

As dark as your heart,
you perceive this to be...
As far as your mind,
it's gone you can see.

Living in holes,
and hell is on earth...
being this troll,
and time is your worth.

Prophetic,
you get it,
but no one else does...
Pathetic,
poetic,
ridiculousness.

"I'm smarter than you..."
You spew with a grin
I know who you are though,
I know where you've been.

[Wintermute]

I see what you did there. But, why waste your creative talent on such petty vengeance?

[Amunet]

Haha thanks for noticing. Its all for fun. I need to excersize my mind somehow, so vengeful poetry and witty comebacks was the work for the day.

[JethroAranas]

do you believe that men nowadays would prefer smart chicks rather than Paris Hilton? Nice pretty lady!

[Despanan]

Prophetic,
you get it,
but no one else does...
Pathetic,
poetic,
ridiculousness.

In no way does that word work there. It breaks the whole poem. I mean, you don't always have to rhyme, but you can't set up a meter and then blow it up like that.

Also, lose the "..."s they mess with the flow and have absolutely no reason for existing.

[Amunet]

Originally Posted by Despanan

In no way does that word work there. It breaks the whole poem. I mean, you don't always have to rhyme, but you can't set up a meter and then blow it up like that.

Also, lose the "..."s they mess with the flow and have absolutely no reason for existing.

Thanks for the Critique. I actually couldn't think of a word to put there and I figured someone would notice it.

and thanks to anyone else who read/commented, etc.

Amunet