Engagement

[xxkissxmexgoodbye]

Wow… Just about 5 minutes ago, I checked my e-mail. Guess what it said? My long time love of my life just asked ME to marry HIM. I am stunned. I really can not get over this. I really have no one else to scream and shout this to, so I well decided that I shall post this and let all of my good friends here at Gothic.net know my new good fortune. I really cannot begin to explain just how happy I am… I have loved him since, let’s see… *ponders and taps foot* the beginning of time! I love him more than life it’s self. Just let me know what you think?

[honeythorn]

Congratulations. I hope you are happy. How will you go about telling your parents? What do you think their reaction will be?

[Pyre]

Honestly, it is far too soon. I have known of a lot of people in high school who were engaged, people older than you, and either they've already split up, canceled the engagement, or gotten married and are either having a lot of problems or are already divorced. It's a bad idea, one should not even think of marriage until they are old enough and responsible enough to not only take care of their own self, but to take care of their partner, and then obviously a family later on. It's one thing to get something called a Promise Ring, it's another to get an Engagement Ring. An engagement ring is a huge commitment, and it should not be treated so lightly. To commit at your age will be too stressful, and a very premature decision. I suggest you talk it over with him and post-pone things until you are both out of high school, maybe even college, and making a living for yourselves.

But, that is just my opinion. You make your path for life, and hope for the best.

[She_Is_My_Sin]

Never trust a man who says he loves you when you're both under 25. That's what my dad told me.

Also, how do you know he's the definite love of you're life? Have you ever been out into the big wide world on your own & actually carved a life for yourself? Are you even a fully grown adult?

I know it may all seem exciting, but dear, you must remeber the consequences of your actions. Really think about what you want at the moment.

Another thing which just makes me a little curious. Why over email? I find something a little iffy about it.

I'm not trying to dampen your spirits, but please, head before heart. Especially when you're still a teen. (that's IF you are...I'm not sure)

[Haunted House]

If someone is telling you that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you OVER THE INTERNET it can't be all that special. Who am I to say how you two really feel? Noone; but if hes willing to jump the gun and tell you in the quickest, most unclassy way possible, then you may just want to take it a bit slower.

[Paper_Wings]

If you are 16, then if I were you I would wait just a little longer. You always want to make sure that he's the right guy for you, because if he's not, then you may end up getting hurt in the end, or hurting someone you love. Another thing to think about is that you may have 50-60 years ahead of you. What if he's not what you thought he was going to be? Could you imagine yourself growing old with him? And like what Haunted mentioned, someone asking you a question that important over the internet...it has to be questioned. But if you are really serious about this, than spend more time with him and find out what he's like around other people and what he's really like when you're usually not there to see him (go with him to places you usually wouldn't be seen with him). Just make sure he's always going to be the one you see now. I hope it works out with you sweetie

[Godslayer Jillian]

Getting engaged at 16 is something that could be considered "romantic" (aka cheesy), but thoroughly fictional.
No sixteen year old can explain you the meaning of love, let alone feel it.
There's a difference between love and infatuation; but that difference can only be seen when the hormones stop shouting for just one fucken' second to let us listen.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Good luck to you. I must say congrats. I must say my boyfriend has asked me to marry him as well. I dunno what to do though. I am kind of young.

[Kamrusepas]

It's not 'wrong' to get engaged so young. I personally wouldn't have, probably, then again I hadn't [still haven't] met the perfect guy at 16. I guess if you're happy and sure about it and all, go for it.

[emeraldlonewoulf]

ok, first of all, he asked you over EMAIL!!?? hello! that would be almost an insult.

secondly, i would definitely say wait. be engaged if you must, but hold off on the marriage thing for a few years yet.

I speak from personal experience here. I met my first husband when I was sixteen, we considered ourselves engaged a few months after, and two years later we were married. We started out with a few advantages, and most of the drawbacks of a young couple starting out. The problem was that even as "grown up" and responsible as we were, (and we were in comparison to a lot of people that age, just due to our responsibilities, the way we were raised, etc.) we grew and changed so much over the next few years that we became different people than the two who fell in love and started out in life together. Our intrests and beliefs grew apart, who we were on a "soul" level changed, communication fell through because we THOUGHT we knew each other so well, and six years later we divorced.

We still keep in touch, and consider each other friends, but that is very rare after a divorce and young marriage. You change so much as a person between 16 and 25, I can't even begin to explain. I mean, think about what would have happened if you let your eight or ten year old self make decisions about how you live your life now? big, long term, LIFETIME decisions. because, genuine marriage is just that, a lifetime commitment. not ten years, not twenty five, it is supposed to be for as long as you live. and don't think about it like "oh, if it doesn't work out, we can just get a divorce". Divorce is going back on your commitment, going back on your word, and in the few instances it isn't, it means you have been betrayed by the person who is closest to you.

If you have genuine love for this young man, and truly do wish to spent the rest of your life with him, be willing to grow with him first, before you dedicate the rest of your life to him, and not just for your own sake. Do it for his as well. If you truly love him, you will want him to choose you as a man, grown, willing to take responsibility for a family, and I'm sorry but there are very, very few 16 year old MEN in this world, and the ones who are have gone through immense hardship and pain. If he is one of those, be willing to give him some more time to grow, heal, and to breathe before you promise the future, even if he is head over heels for you. If he isn't and still has a LOT of growing up to do (which I suspect, give his age and wanting to propse marriage when you can't even legally provide a home for your family under 18), give him the chance to grow up first, it is the least you can do for someone you love.

In a nut shell, be engaged if you must, but make it a really, REALLY long engagement, like four years. and don't have kids until you're married.

[Miss_Hazie_Lane]

I was technically engaged at sixteen, and still am (to the same partner), am until gay marriage is legal everywhere *grumble* and I don't think it was anything unusual, I mean no rings or anything, just a sort of acknowledgement of the inevitable that A: Oh, fuck we've fallen in love, and B: We'd better do somerhing about it eventually, becuase you know how that is, our anniversry is on halloween, we met at a dresden dolls show... anyway, your fine, don't make a huge deal out of it if you ask me, love is love, age is a number, and if you're in love, you'll probably get married someday anyway

[Minyaliel]

Now. Seriously. You're asking this question to a bunch of people you've never even _met_ apart from online? Then I'd say it's wrong, not that I care, honestly, because in the end it's not my decision. It's just that if you're not willing or able to take on that responsibility without the opinion of strangers, then the most sensible thing to do would be to wait until you can decide for yourself....

[D.C.]

Hey i was engaged at the age of 15 and am now um well yeah but when i turn 18 i am going to get married to the true love f my life. many people say its to early but you know what i say. If thats what makes you happy and you know for sure thats what you want then why fukin not. True love only comes once in a lifetime right?

[D.C.]

by the way i really like this thread because i was always asking the same thing to people i didnt know

[DarkHeartedDemoness]

Originally Posted by D.C.

Hey i was engaged at the age of 15 and am now um well yeah but when i turn 18 i am going to get married to the true love f my life. many people say its to early but you know what i say. If thats what makes you happy and you know for sure thats what you want then why fukin not. True love only comes once in a lifetime right?

True love doesn't come once in a lifetime.

You're a moron.

That aside, I have an interesting theory for you. I've heard that the person you look for in your teenaged years is more like you are personally, and the person you look for in your adult years is more opposite to who you are. Since that changes, what do you suppose is going to happen to your relationship? Is this love of your life going to change that drastically?

[Clockwork]

I can't be the one to answer this question, it's yours in the end. Only you have an idea of how much you love him - and if you feel that amount is enough, then you had better make sure it's ten times that before you agree. Sixteen is too young an age to make such a decision.

And I think he ought to have proposed in person, as a side note.

[asta_tintora]

Age doesn't really matter chief, but emotional development does. You should ask him if he really knows the meaning of the word. It's not a vow to be taken lightly. (Heck, I questioned it when I popped the question to my future husband after the fact for a month or so... too young? What about delays? Le sigh! Le sigh! *angst*)

The internal wiring is going to change, as well as some of the personality. My father erred on that side and had a child as well. They divorced, remained friends, but it is unneeded heartache and you should wait and get more experience.

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

Congratulations, but I have to say that personally, I would give it some time. Guys' forebrains usually don't develop fully until they're 30, and they can change a lot in that time. That's twice as long as he's been alive.
However, it is your choice, so if it feels right to you, and not just a spontaneous, superficial right; I mean one that goes deep to the core of your being, go ahead.

[Encaitare]

You can accept the engagement, but make it a long one. Think of the engagement as a new step in your commitment to one another. Don't jump into marriage, though.

I have a friend who's engaged (both he and his girlfriend are 18), and he tells me he loves her more than anything but can't help think of what he's missing. Just make sure this is what you want.

[PersephoneX]

I was engaged at 16...i was also stuck in a situation, where i got the crap kicked out of me every second night...
so, maybe i'm not one to talk about this.