One of Us

Cat Stark · 03-02-2011, 03:02 PM

This is something I came up while I was thinking up how to start a paper I had to for school. While staring at a computer screen I came up with this sick twisted thing. It is from the viewpoint of a mass murderer.

One of Us

I'm afraid of those that see me
They can see that I'm just empty
As empty as the blackest night
I've given up without a fight
It's hard to see what isn't there
There are no more secrets left to share
A mind is no longer there to lose
Think of all the things I've had to chose
So I can stay alive until today
I have nowhere left to stay
I must move on to some place new
To stop myself from being used
To all the people that plan to hurt me
Do not let me catch you sleeping
Justice is just a lie
To help you carry on your lives
Life is labeled as “unfair”
Those around me no longer care
Why was I born this way?
To be unholier then they?
Why brake a heart, but leave it beating?
That should be considered cheating
Dogs are put down for less
There is no one left alive to clean the mess
A killer has no will to live
We too are someone's kid
We are someone's son, daughter, father, mother, husband, and wife
The difference is, we fail at our lives
We can not keep up the act
You throw away forgotten facts
We see that it does not matter
What we do to one another
There is no Hell we are not living
We never planed on surviving
To act for today and not tomorrow
It is only a temporary sorrow
For one of us will always be here
For as long as there is fear

Nightwalker39 · 03-09-2011, 12:00 PM

Beautiful. Thats all i can say.

Sir Canvas Corpsey · 03-09-2011, 12:40 PM

Half of the intention of this poem could be called good, nothing else. Atrociously overly dramatic in parts, obvious injections of artificial 'goth factor', and what I assume to be spelling errors which really throw off poetry.

Solumina · 03-09-2011, 12:53 PM

I'll ask a question that I've asked a fair few writers on here: do you edit your poems and are they posted as finished works?

MissCheyenne · 03-09-2011, 01:10 PM

Every time I see the title of this thread, it makes me think of Abba. Sorry but it really really does.

Cat Stark · 03-09-2011, 01:53 PM

I try to edit, but I miss things. I am not perfect.
As for the "Atrociously overly dramatic in parts, obvious injections of artificial 'goth factor'". I must say to you that that is just the way I am. Most of the stuff I write has dark parts or overly dramatic parts. It is just who I am. Also, I did not plain writing this before I did. With poetry for me it tends to be a whatever comes comes. It is something I feel, not think about.

Alan · 03-09-2011, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat Stark

It is something I feel, not think about.

That's a bullshit dichotomy.

Cat Stark · 03-09-2011, 02:03 PM

And when did I start care if you thought what I said was bullshit or not?
Just because that is what you think, it does not make it any less true for me. I do not over think what I write. It just flows from me.

Solumina · 03-09-2011, 02:28 PM

There is a difference between thinking about what you write and over thinking it. Honestly I'm sick of people talking about letting their poetry just flow from them. The first draft should flow from you but that isn't a finished piece.

MissCheyenne · 03-09-2011, 02:38 PM

'.....................Onnnnnnnnnnnnnnne of us is lonely
Onnnnnnnnnnnnnnne of us is only
Waiting for a call
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid feeling small
Wishing she had never left at all .......................'

Yeah,the title of this totally makes me think of Abba

MissCheyenne · 03-09-2011, 02:39 PM

Heh, I had to make a double post as for some reason my post above was double posted.......weirdness. I have Abba stuck in my head now and it WON'T GO AWAY.

Solumina · 03-09-2011, 02:45 PM

Don't fight it, give in and embrace ABBA!

Alan · 03-09-2011, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat Stark

And when did I start care if you thought what I said was bullshit or not?

You're an idiot.

Cat Stark · 03-09-2011, 02:48 PM

I edit spelling, but that is the only editing I do. I usually do not change it after it is out. Once I get to the end, that is the end. It has more of me in it that way. I try not to think at all when I write. I just let the lines come to me. So, yes, there is no thinking when I write. It is all feeling and instinct. The words just come to me. Even if they rhyme. My brain is just messed up like that.

The title has nothing to do with anything or anyone. I just thought it sounded cool at the time.

Solumina · 03-09-2011, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat Stark

I try not to think at all when I write.

And that is the difference between someone who writes poems and a poet.

Cat Stark · 03-09-2011, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alan

You're an idiot.

Is that really the best you got? Really?
I could think of my interesting responses if I was a vegetable.
You do not want to get into a fight with words with me kid. You had best stop now while I still think it is funny.

MissCheyenne · 03-09-2011, 02:58 PM

Yo Cat, don't mess with Alan, HE WILL DESTROY YOU. Seriously, give up now. Post whatever poems you want, just don't expect that people are going to like or respect it.

Cat Stark · 03-09-2011, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solumina

And that is the difference between someone who writes poems and a poet.

How would you know? Are you a professional poet?
Even if you are, who are you to say how it should and should not be done? Do you think all poets (or song writers for they are almost the same thing) write the same way or get their ideas the same way? Everyone has a different way of doing things. I let it come from the heart. My message is clearer that way. If you change what you write 20 times before you even think of saying it might be done, that is good to. I am not saying that way is bad. It is just not the way I do things.

Cat Stark · 03-09-2011, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissCheyenne

Yo Cat, don't mess with Alan, HE WILL DESTROY YOU. Seriously, give up now. Post whatever poems you want, just don't expect that people are going to like or respect it.

I do not care what anyone says and I think I made that clear in a former post.
What is the worst he can do? Get me kicked of the site? I am so scared. Like that has not happened before. He came on here of his own free will. It is not like I made him, but I am not going to put up with being openly insulted by anyone. I have had enough of feeling small for one life time. I do not put up with anyone's crap.

MissCheyenne · 03-09-2011, 03:06 PM

You brought out the fighting talk Cat, by telling him not start a war of words with you. If you're big enough to say it, you're big enough to take the shitstorm that may follow. Just sayin'

Cat Stark · 03-09-2011, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissCheyenne

You brought out the fighting talk Cat, by telling him not start a war of words with you. If you're big enough to say it, you're big enough to take the shitstorm that may follow. Just sayin'

I am not the one that said what he thought was bullshit. I put that I did not care what he said, and he called me stupid for it.
Where again did I start it?
Did you not read the former posts or just the last one and not even all of it? I told him to stop before something starts that neater of us can stop or to mad to. I just want to be left the Hell alone. If someone makes it a point to bother me, it pisses me off. If all he is going to do is throw insults at me, I am game to throw them back, but, again, if you had read the last posts, I have not done that yet.

Alan · 03-09-2011, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat Stark

I do not care what anyone says

Oh god, you so clearly do. I can almost smell the lack of confidence you exude.
If you didn't care what anyone says, why post in the first place? And why would you even feel small if you really didn't care about others' opinions?
You're like a Randian 'hero'. You pretend you don't care about the world, that they are inferior to you, yet you get pissed because no one recognizes your oh so evident superiority.

You don't want to be insulted? I thought you didn't care. But I guess we're past that' you clearly do.
If you don't want to be insulted, then don't say stupid shit. that dichotomy of "thinking v. feeling" is fucking stupid. What are you, twelve?

MissCheyenne · 03-09-2011, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat Stark

Is that really the best you got? Really?
I could think of my interesting responses if I was a vegetable.
You do not want to get into a fight with words with me kid. You had best stop now while I still think it is funny.

My point is highlighted in bold. Also, I never said you had insulted Alan or anyone else for that matter. If you really don't care what he or anyone else says or thinks about what you write or the way you write it, you wouldn't be getting your knickers in a twist over it would you?

Alan · 03-09-2011, 03:39 PM

Holy shit, I didn't even read that part. How quickly he went from smug superiority to childish angst.

MissCheyenne · 03-09-2011, 03:41 PM

Only angsty people can write poetry Alan, surely you knew that? Damn, I thought you were better educated than that