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Old 12-14-2005, 05:31 PM   #1
Eeegor
 
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Merry Christmas, Motherfucker by Thomas S. Roche

Quote:
The fog was coming off the river and shrouding the town in winter magic. Vi slipped the 68 Caddy into low gear and came down the hill toward the housing development. Bruno reached out and touched her on the arm, a gesture of reassurance. She looked at him without smiling, but the warmth between them was obvious. They were two soldiers in combat.
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Old 04-01-2006, 01:04 AM   #2
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Damn this shit is fuckin funny as hell!!!
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Old 05-12-2007, 04:09 PM   #3
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That is both amazing and amazingly funny. I don't think I've ever seen Santa Claus portrayed as evil before. How wondrously refreshing, I can actually picture him being a prick like that.

Goth Bitch, please post an introduction in the appropriate place. Make sure to read the stickies.
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Old 05-12-2007, 07:27 PM   #4
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How the heck do you have 0 posts?
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Old 05-13-2007, 09:32 AM   #5
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Wow...that's pretty impressive. How do you do that?
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Old 05-14-2007, 10:31 PM   #6
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I enjoyed this thoroughly.
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Old 05-18-2007, 08:39 AM   #7
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I don't think that the posts register for administrators. I could very easily be wrong.
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Old 07-31-2009, 01:52 AM   #8
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thanks

Frankly to say, I like where this thread is very interesting to discuss.


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Old 08-07-2009, 05:29 PM   #9
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Oh man... hilarious. I liked when he recounted his first encounter with Santa.

""Ho ho ho, fuck you -- ho ho ho --"

I couldn't stop laughing!
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Old 11-09-2009, 05:33 AM   #10
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Haha. That made me laugh like hell!
Great imagination and style (Y)
Look forward to read more of your work.
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Old 11-15-2009, 02:34 AM   #11
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Am I nuts?


I thought it was kind of boring.
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Old 11-15-2009, 03:13 AM   #12
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Man that sucked. That was like Futurama Santa Claus, crossed with lame fan-fic. sod this shit...
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Old 11-15-2009, 12:25 PM   #13
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Blow it up.
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Old 11-17-2009, 09:00 AM   #14
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....................Boring........................ ..
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:57 AM   #15
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I hope you get AIDS and die of dysentery, you fucking leech.
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Old 04-30-2010, 01:48 PM   #16
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I'm only posting here cuz I was tired of seeing the wierdsville thing.
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Old 11-14-2010, 06:34 PM   #17
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I don't know who the original author was. But I always send this around this time of year. (They're already blaring Christmas music at the damn grocery store) They just can't wait four more weeks.

Twas the Night before Christmas
Old Santa was pissed!
He cussed out the elves and threw down the list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!


I've busted my butt for almost a year,
instead of "Thanks Santa!" - What do I hear?


The old lady bitches, cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight!


Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.


And just when I thought that things would get better
Those jerks from IRS sent me a letter.


It says I owe taxes.. if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?


And the kids these days- they are all the pits
They want the impossible, those mean little shits!


I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls, their arms, legs, and heads.

I made a ton of yo-yo's - no request for them.
They all want computers.. they think I'm IBM!

If you think that is bad.. just picture this..
Try holding those little brats, with their pants full of piss.

They pull at your nose, they grab at my beard
And if I smile, the parent's think that I'm weird.


Flying though the air, dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.

I'm quittin this job, there's just no enjoyment.
I'll sit on my fat butt and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason..
I've found me a blonde... I'm going south for the season!
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Old 12-07-2010, 02:57 PM   #18
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where did you get that?
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Old 12-10-2010, 01:56 PM   #19
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wtf u sad fucks its xmas so cheer the fuck up
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