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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 06-21-2007, 03:53 AM   #1
DarkRevalations
 
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isolation, by me ^-^

Dim is this unholy hour at which I pray,
For redemption from this throbbing pain
Deep inside myself, an unspeakable ache gnaws at me,
Destroys me
The dark, hollow pit that is my heart pumps only sorrow through my veins
Those other mortals feel no compassion,
No sympathy, no empathy towards me
They do not know what it is to experience untainted pain,
But where they hate,
I adore,
Where they die,
My life is a time without end,
I shall not be dragged into the eternal silence,
I shall not be embraced in deaths cold grip,
Even as the sun dies, I shall live on,
‘Till the end of time itself,
I shall outlive the stars,
For I am destined to see all that I care for depart from this existence,
Destined to wander alone through the void,
No one shall be by my side,
Have you ever felt that crushing loneliness?
The pure sorrow when you realise that no one is there for you?
Well I have,
There are no words in existence to describe the feeling of utter solitude
A solitude that, in spite of all you try, consumes every ounce of you,
Pure isolation
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Old 06-21-2007, 06:26 PM   #2
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That was actually good. The only recommendation I would make would be to either elongate or get rid of the "Well I have" line.

Good beginning.
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Old 06-21-2007, 09:28 PM   #3
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thankyou for your praise, and i will try and think of a better line then 'well i have'
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Old 06-21-2007, 09:30 PM   #4
DarkRevalations
 
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thankyou for your praise, and i will try and think of a better line then 'well i have'

ill just get rid of it
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Old 06-22-2007, 07:38 AM   #5
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It works better without the line. Now it's a really effective poem.
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Old 06-22-2007, 08:34 AM   #6
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Good goth...It was good. Not as good as your first poem. Good to see you improving.

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Old 07-10-2007, 01:40 AM   #7
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what do you mean not as good as my first one? wich one are you talking about?
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