Regurgitations

badteccy · 05-29-2007, 01:59 PM

I am going to regurgitate

any excess flesh

I am going to masturbate

away all this mess

I am going to laze around

the ballroom of my room

I am going to smoke

my death

in this hazened gloom

I'm vain! I'm vain!

I hate myself

In the

end

we

always

melt

I have not written a poem in ages...thoughts?

Kireo-Umoshiae · 05-31-2007, 06:13 PM

Describes perfectly how I felt the summer before last. Not bad, but I'd refrain from using the many spaces and italics; makes it a little cheesy. Keep writing.

Aaroneet · 05-31-2007, 06:16 PM

Definitely clever. You have potential.

HumanePain · 05-31-2007, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badteccy

I am going to laze around

the ballroom of my room

I am going to smoke

my death

in this hazened gloom

I liked the above part.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 06-01-2007, 07:27 AM

Great narrative, I love how you perfectly wrote the 'ballroom/gloom' part very smoothley and the 'in the end we always melt', was creative as well.. I think you should keep writing.

Goth Forever

badteccy · 06-04-2007, 11:17 AM

Why, thank you to everyone!

Vako · 06-04-2007, 03:14 PM

It amused me. I enjoyed it. There's nothing wrong with having a bit of humor in some poetry.

Dancing_in_rain · 06-04-2007, 05:18 PM

I like it. Keep writing!