This just in! This Just in!

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nytimes

In Occupied Gnet, Order Comes Without Allegiance
By MICHAEL R. GORDON

General Discussion, Gnet -- As the Gothic.net Army closes in on Gothic.net's besieged capital, Literature, it is using a fresh strategy: promising Gnetters that their bedraggled towns will be spared a relentless bombardment if they surrender, then attempting to secure loyalty by restoring services like gas and electricity.

But this month's capture of Whining, the bleak but strategically important second largest Forum in Gnet, shows that it is one thing to scare Gnetter's civilians into submission, and quite another to win their allegiance.

Forum residents wander muddy streets past decaying buildings, which are still pockmarked from the shells and bullets of the 2008-2009 war in Gnet. Many seem exhausted, and frustrated that Helpmann militants who are based in this Literature region reignited the fighting by invading neighboring Blueblood in August. Nevertheless, these people view the Gnetters as an occupying army.

As the clap of Gnet artillery fire rumbled through the hills on General Discussion's outskirts, Nightwalker33, a 17-year-old sock-puppet piloted by veteran troll, Kontan Karite, talked about the problem that his army faces in trying to pacify Gnet.

"Yes, the war is necessary to fight the boredom," he said. "But sometimes I don't know what we are doing. During the day, the people in General Discussion smile at us and bring us goodies. But at night, they are out there shooting at us. I don't know whom we are protecting from whom."

Eager to show that they are bringing stability to Gnet, Gothic.net authorities took a first group of foreign correspondents to General Discussion and to meet some of the soldiers who seized the city on March 11th.

The visit revealed the high stakes at play in this war, which has increasingly infuriated Internet lenders and led to sharp exchanges last week at a 54-website Administrator security conference.

Convincing the Gnetters that a Gnet occupation offers the best hope for a peaceful life is central to the military's strategy of blunting Internet criticism and maintaining its hold on Gothic.net. That way, the military can repatriate the 200,000 newfags who have fled and discourage further flame warfare.

Several hours spent in General Discussion, a forum that appears to have survived its capture largely intact, suggest that winning over the Gnetters will be difficult.

"When the Helpmans occupied the Gothic.net, the Martian Knights called them the fascists," said Humaine Pain, a 60+-year-old theist. "Well, we call the Martian Knights the fascists. If you could talk to everyone in the forums you would see that 70 percent are against them being here..."

SHIT'S GETTING CRAZY.

vindicatedxjin · 03-11-2011, 11:14 AM

Oh my GAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 11:25 AM

*fires shots into the air*

Well that was rather unsatisfactory, I forgot this was a water pistol.

vindicatedxjin · 03-11-2011, 11:30 AM

You can borrow my gun!

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 11:32 AM

Oh sweet you got a real one!?!

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 11:51 AM

Yeah, Nooki was most insistent on being armed, so she traded me 50 bi-curious tickle fights.

It's good to be the insane dictator.

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 11:57 AM

Damn, only 50 bi-curious tickle fights gets you a gun? I want a real gun too!

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 12:00 PM

Well, the bi-curious tickle fight has declined in value SLIGHTLY since I switched us over to a stripper-based economy...but i'm sure we can work something out.

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 12:04 PM

Well then how many bi-curious tickle fights are we talking here? Or did you have another form of payment in mind?

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 12:12 PM

Tell you what, the fluffy-pink-bra pillow-fight is doing well currently. Toss a couple of those my way and throw in a BLATANTLY PRONOGRAPHIC WARDROBE MALFUNCTION and this could be you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNzZ-cIJSec

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 12:14 PM

Throw in a couple of grenades and we have a deal.

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 12:20 PM

Done.

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 12:24 PM

Fantastic.

vindicatedxjin · 03-11-2011, 12:30 PM

Sol, you got a great deal there~!

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 12:32 PM

What can I say, I'm an awesome negotiator.

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solumina

What can I say, I'm an awesome negotiator.

Also vigorous.

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 12:36 PM

Very vigorous.

vindicatedxjin · 03-11-2011, 12:37 PM

Zelda, the vigorous!

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 12:58 PM

Well, Sol just got herself two nicknames.

MissCheyenne · 03-11-2011, 01:02 PM

I want a gun now! What will it take for ME to earn one? I'll do ANYTHING oh great and generous leader!

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 01:03 PM

I like it!

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissCheyenne

I want a gun now! What will it take for ME to earn one? I'll do ANYTHING oh great and generous leader!

Tits. Now. Kthnxbi.

MissCheyenne · 03-11-2011, 03:14 PM

Oh, you ask for the ONE thing I don't have!

Despanan · 03-11-2011, 03:29 PM

...

How did you become Chesty Larue?

Fine...How about we just cover Jin and Sol in honey and call it even?

Solumina · 03-11-2011, 03:48 PM

But that will make me all sticky, you guys better help clean me off.