Fire, a poorly-written poem

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

As the creatures die,
Fighting for revenge and dreading as the hell blazes higher.
Screaming as all the souls fade into the fire-
And yet I wait, sitting in this bleak atmosphere-surrounded with trees all disintegrating fast-
Forgetting all the joyous times in the past
As I stroke the small areas of my tall pale face
I look into the shattered mirror-
Fire burning, all life left without evident trace
Souls bursting out of the ground suddenly,
Taking my breath away-
A feeling overwhelms, beholding
The hellish fires returning-ceasing the day
All hope truthfully lost, gone with the flames.

I stare upon my reflection in the black hole to which I enter
My face, broken and shredding apart
Quoting only the words of Sartre
The flames still burning, pealing such flesh,
My body, I behold-swollen and burnt
Where is the rest?
And now, as I close my eyes in bliss
Peaceful bliss…gone…
Waiting only for death’s sweet gift.

[soggypicklemuncher]

What inspired you to write this?

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

Originally Posted by soggypicklemuncher

What inspired you to write this?

Thoughts of self-injury by burning one's self, and the symbolism of isolation as family, friends, etc. fade away...was it bad?

[HumanePain]

I would lean more towards calling it prose, not a poem, but I liked it.

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

Thanks. It is prose, influenced by that mainly (cites Baudelaire)

[MollyMac]

I loved:

"Quoting only the words of Sartre
The flames still burning, pealing such flesh"

It is such a precise, striking image... takes me to the title "No Exit"

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

"No Exit" is my personal favourite of his. I don't feel Sartre needs an introduction from me, though. I didn't think anyone would like this prose.

[soggypicklemuncher]

Originally Posted by Vyvian Blackthorne

Thoughts of self-injury by burning one's self, and the symbolism of isolation as family, friends, etc. fade away...was it bad?

No, I don't think it's bad.

[MollyMac]

Originally Posted by Vyvian Blackthorne

"No Exit" is my personal favourite of his. I don't feel Sartre needs an introduction from me, though. I didn't think anyone would like this prose.

On the whole? It's not perfect, nothing is. But the strengths are that you have pin-prick tight imagery (some people prefer hazy, vague images- but not I said this Barfly)... acyually, the images get vague towards the end, loses form. That's not a negative criticism, more of a comment on technique where the visuals meld with the emotion.

Usually, I don't like it when it is a good fit, I like sharp images with undefined emotions or sharp emotion trying to define themselves with vague images. But this works.

I would tend to agree that it would read better as prose, but that does not lessen the words, only their arrangements. Less a poem than a sililoquoy.