Versus! We will do science! - Page 6

Saya · 03-08-2011, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ape descendant

...if I listed the guys I've crushed on .. on this site.. they'd never regain their rep... so I keep my silence.

I miss our giggly girly discussion on the men of Gnet, though.

PSA: Ben had advise at the bottom of the last page. Did not try to bump it to the next so don't miss it :X

Versus · 03-08-2011, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

Versus, as someone who's been in a similar situation, I just want to say ... do take care of yourself, and do it without guilt.

You can't help someone who won't help themselves. There are a lot of issues people can't get over until they hit rock bottom, and they never hit rock bottom as long as others support them.

Kindness, benevolence, empathy and compassion have their place and are laudable ... but you have to know where the line is between being a little self-sacrificing and sacrificing yourself.

And don't feel guilt about it.

I think the issue was that I still remembered the good times. Our relationship was really great before I deployed, and I guess that I had this idea that, with a enough time, stuff could get better, or I could fix whatever. I don't know. Maybe I could have. At this point, I don't even care. Just thinking about her makes me angry.

Somebody anoint me their Sith Apprentice, now.

Ben Lahnger · 03-08-2011, 08:58 PM

See, that "Maybe I could have fixed it" thing, that's part of the guilt I'm talking about. It's extremely unlikely you could have fixed much of anything without more willing participation on the part of your partner. And it's typical of guys to think they have to fix things, even when it's a thing that they cannot fix. I think we're wired that way.

Here's one example from my many-chaptered experience with learning to not blame myself for some relationship failures: my ex-wife had a multitude of problems that stemmed mostly from growing up with an alcoholic father. One of the problems was that she had tremendous self-esteem issues. From poor body-image to lack of confidence in her own abilities to function as an adult, she struggled. And for years I thought I could help by being supportive and giving her compliments. But no matter how supportive I was, nothing changed. And she busied herself getting a degree in social work and helping others, but would not consider that she was engaging in such behavior to distract herself from her own problems. She never would get help, and nothing I did helped.

So when she started engaging in behavior that was destructive to both herself and our financial future, and I could not get her to listen to me, there came a point where it was clear to me that the relationship was over. And the hardest thing was letting go of that notion that there might have been something I could have done.

We don't have to fix everything. There are some things we can't fix. And sometimes, we have to accept that we absolutely couldn't have fixed something no matter what we did.

Acceptance is the answer.

...

(Thank you for the considerate comment, Saya.)

Versus · 03-08-2011, 09:36 PM

That's what I was getting at. I'm not even thinking like that anymore. I've just reached that point where I'm just done with it, you know? I don't care what about what would have, could have, or should have. It doesn't matter because I simply don't want to fix it anymore. I can't let go of all the bullshit enough to even see past it, and I'd be fooling myself to say that I can think of her with anything but resentment anymore.

I suppose anger is the Versus equivalent of acceptance. I've never been a peaceful person. :x

Also. Why is phone sex awesome?

Fruitbat · 03-08-2011, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Versus

You all are silly.

I think it's funny how often pretty women are shy. The great part about it is that most guys are too intimidated to even talk to you, so I don't usually feel pressured to compete for any of your attention.

Personally, I'm more likely to approach a woman that I want to see naked then one I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with. Is that weird?

Nup, you're just being a guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

Versus, as someone who's been in a similar situation, I just want to say ... do take care of yourself, and do it without guilt.

You can't help someone who won't help themselves. There are a lot of issues people can't get over until they hit rock bottom, and they never hit rock bottom as long as others support them.

Kindness, benevolence, empathy and compassion have their place and are laudable ... but you have to know where the line is between being a little self-sacrificing and sacrificing yourself.

And don't feel guilt about it.

^ and this with icing on top. Ben, you are so right.

I know it hurts dude, and you are so honour bound to do the right thing, but she is tearing you apart. You can't change her or her behaviour. Only she can do that.

It's not good. Believe me. My ex tore me up and spat out the pieces.

So sit down and think about where you want to be a decade from now?

The only reason to stay in a relationship is because of love or because they are your bestest friend and if they are neither, then it's time to move on.

As for g.net crushes - I wish I had one. I don't have any. The only guy I crush on is Mr Bat - god I'm pathetic! I can't even flirt with another guy properly.

Have to dash, Baby bat has a lightbulb.

Ben Lahnger · 03-09-2011, 06:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Versus

Also. Why is phone sex awesome?

Because you can't know what is true and what is an act being put on for your benefit. And if an act (almost certainly), you can't know how much is fake and how much is felt. And at the very least, it's fantasy porn custom tailored for an audience of one.

I lived for a while with a woman who made her living taking phone sex calls; she had her own little business she'd built up. (I got to know her by stumbling across her live video chat adverts for her previous company, then met her IRL as she was branching out on her own.)

After the initial novelty wore off and I had dealt with that worrisome instinct to feel jealous of her callers, my exhibitionist inclinations took over and I asked her if we could do it while she was on a call. She wasn't sure at first about it, then carefully selected the guy she thought would be a good candidate. So one day she called him and told him that the man who had come to dominate her was going to be on the call with her today. And we did it. Most of the time she stayed on the phone with him, but a few times she put me on the phone with him to describe what I was doing to her and how it felt. One time I put the phone where he could hear the liquid sound effects of me sliding in and out of her.

Funniest thing about that day; at one point she made me stop eating her. She was close to climax, pushed my head away, covered the phone and in a panicked whisper said that she didn't want him to hear her really cum as she was worried it wouldn't sound the same to him as when she faked it on her calls. She had no idea if the way she "acted" her orgasm was really the way she sounded, but suspected the "acting" was overly dramatic (which was true!) I almost clamped my arms around her legs to plow ahead and force the issue, but she'd have been royally pissed at me afterwards.

After she faked her "O" and I really finished, he said it was the best phone sex call he'd ever done. I think at some point he should have been able to guess it wasn't acting, but I don't know.

Anyway, that's why phone sex is awesome - because you never know how real it is!