Entrance

[CyberneticDecay]

I've been compiling my writings and poetry, and this almost seems like an introduction to the poems that will follow. This might seem silly, but I'm not entirely sure if it feels like it can be used as a forward or preface. Or should it just be the first poem? I'm at a loss here. Any feedback would be eternally appreciated.

Entrance

~/-/-/~

Not in love with you,
Just your romantic charms.
Run away from your troubles
And into my arms.
How can all of these emotions
Be envoked by nothing more than a stranger?
Letting go of what was,
What used to be me.
Erasing the pain and heartache
That only I could see.
Now, standing in front of what
I’ve only dreamt to be.
Look at the scars I made for you!
I will make my blood rain down on you!
Now what do you think I should do?
Don’t bother screaming.
No one will hear you,
Like no one heard me.
Welcome to my dream.

[emeraldlonewoulf]

invoked, not envoked. Good work. It flows, and makes you feel.

[CyberneticDecay]

Thank you. And thank you for the correction as well. I always seem to get those two words mixed up!

[LadyLucretia]

Originally Posted by CyberneticDecay

~/-/-/~

Not in love with you,
Just your romantic charms.
Run away from your troubles
And into my arms.
How can all of these emotions
Be envoked by nothing more than a stranger?
Letting go of what was,
What used to be me.
Erasing the pain and heartache
That only I could see.
Now, standing in front of what
I’ve only dreamt to be.
Look at the scars I made for you!
I will make my blood rain down on you!
Now what do you think I should do?
Don’t bother screaming.
No one will hear you,
Like no one heard me.
Welcome to my dream.

The punctuation makes the flow choppy. The rhymes - "see, be, me" - are overly simplistic and I think the poem would be better if it didn't rhyme. I would say either commit to free verse (unstructured poetry) or have a consistent meter and rhyme scheme.

But then again, I never like amateur poetry. Being an English major made me into what most people see as being a lit. snob, but I see as having taste. Either way it doesn't make me friends (except with other English majors).

[CyberneticDecay]

Originally Posted by LadyLucretia

The punctuation makes the flow choppy. The rhymes - "see, be, me" - are overly simplistic and I think the poem would be better if it didn't rhyme. I would say either commit to free verse (unstructured poetry) or have a consistent meter and rhyme scheme.

But then again, I never like amateur poetry. Being an English major made me into what most people see as being a lit. snob, but I see as having taste. Either way it doesn't make me friends (except with other English majors).

I agree, it does seem choppy. I usually don't punctuate when I write. After looking over some of my poetry, I've realized I seem to lean towards free verse.

I don't see you as being a lit. snob at all! I thank you for your feedback. That is why I posted this. I've never shared my poetry with anyone before, and I thought here would be a nice starting point. And I didn't even know that unstructured poetry had the name of 'free verse'.

So, I learned something new today! Thank you!