Rant Thread II - Page 150

vindicatedxjin · 05-31-2010, 08:07 PM

I truly, honestly, wish I was strong enough for that. But I'm not.

Saya · 05-31-2010, 08:11 PM

If you really want to, you really should. I know its painful and you feel like a bitch afterwards, but its a lot better than letting a relationship go on when its not working.

If you don't want to say what's going on thats fine and take my advice with a grain of salt since I don't know the situation, but if you're communicating your frustration with your partner but nothing changes, its only going to get worse and a perpetual feeling of resentment and frustration isn't healthy for either of you.

vindicatedxjin · 05-31-2010, 08:20 PM

If he wasn't so sweet I wouldn't have any difficulty. Thing is, I love him to pieces. But he's a spoiled child. I've been living with him for the past 2 years and he's my first serious BF. We live with his mother. She gives him everything. But he doesn't have a job. His day consists of video games, friends, and weed. He does my laundry and cooks for me. But I don't really want that or care for it. I want him to find a job. I want us to get an apartment and MOVE OUT. He keeps telling me that he wants the same. But it's been 2 years and I'm getting very impatient and frustrated with only having one tiny room to call my own (its not even really mine) He doesn't care though, he's totally comfortable with how things are... he needs to snap out of it.

Saya · 05-31-2010, 08:29 PM

Shit. So he says he wants a job and he wants to move out, but he's done nothing yet to obtain that? Since you already talked about it, I'd make a list of places that are hiring, give it to him and tell him to send out resumes, maybe even print some off yourself so he has no excuse if you have it on your computer. That may sound like nagging but he's clearly not motivated enough to do it for himself. Honestly if after that its clear that he just won't find work rather than can't, DTMFA. Assuming he's your age, he's not a teenager anymore and if he wants independence he has to work for it. If he's not willing to work for privacy and independence, he may be sweet but you want something he only likes to think about but never work for.

At the very least, just move out even if you still want a relationship, I know couples who just figured they couldn't live together yet and live apart now, but are still together. Don't let him hold you down.

Pineapple_Juice · 05-31-2010, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deadmanwalking_05

You're either single or you're not single...there is no half way point.

Ya' Fucktard

Untrue.

mssg2shrt

Underwater Ophelia · 06-01-2010, 07:01 AM

Vin, your boyfriend is a loser, and is never going to stop being a loser.
You should probably break up with him, unless you want to live off his mother, live off the government, or get a high paying job so that you can support the both of you, while he continues to be an adult baby.

Solumina · 06-01-2010, 12:45 PM

He needs to grow up and since his mom isn't willing to kick him out of the nest then you are the one that needs to give him a major wakeup call. Offer to sit down with him and go over his resume, if he doesn't have one then help him make it (just make sure that he does most of the work) and set up a profile on a job hunting website like Monster. It is by no means the end to a job hunt but it is a good start. Talk to him about setting goals for how many jobs he wants to apply for each day and make sure that he tracks them so that he can follow up (and so that you know what he is actually doing)

You have an okay job, right? You may also want to look into getting your own place (with or without a roommate) and tell him about it. Let him know that if/when he gets a job that he is more than welcome to move with you but that you cannot and will not financially support him. You need to make sure that you are happy and emotionally healthy, which doesn't really sound possible in the current situation. I know that it will be hard living apart after you have lived together but you will adjust and you need to get out of his mother's house.

Ben Lahnger · 06-01-2010, 01:30 PM

Vin, you can't make someone else change if they don't want to. You can only change yourself.

But I've often found that it's more conducive to lead someone where you want them to go than to point and push. You already have a job, right? Then I'm with Solumina on the secondary advice she gave. Save up enough money to get your own place (having your own space would do you some good anyway.) Then tell him he can move in when he can afford half the rent and expenses. I think you'll learn the truth about him at that point.

And by the way, you've only had one serious boyfriend? Based on how you've described his behavior, you have no idea what "sweet" is. I think you need to date someone who respects you more.

Solumina · 06-01-2010, 01:43 PM

Spencer’s (my new roommate) girlfriend keeps making comments as we are unpacking along the lines of “wow you guys have a lot of _____” and it is really starting to piss me off. She doesn’t live here and we warned both her and Spencer that we have a lot of stuff, especially kitchen stuff and they said that was fine he doesn’t really care for what he has (it is all stuff that his mom and/or grandmother gave him) so we can keep that in storage if we want and we were all aware that the two of us are coming from a place with a much larger kitchen (literally about twice the size) so yeah not everything will be staying and only some of it will be staying out (there is a ton of storage at this place). She even went on about how she likes some of the glasses (mostly his) better than others (mostly Jake’s favorites) and how we don’t really have room for them, she even took it upon herself to try and free up some space in the fridge, which would have been fine if it didn’t involve leaving everything of mine that didn’t need to be kept chilled on the counter (room temp lemonade is icky and I shouldn’t have to ice down my drinks so that her Dr. Pepper can stay cold, the whole fridge pack mind you, not just one or two cans). We will have more space once we use up some stuff as we currently have a lot of duplicates since we just fucking moved in together.

This morning I kind of had words with her over it after she looked in the laundry room (which is currently fairly well packed with stuff) and just sighed heavily before walking away. I tried to start nicely by asking what was wrong and she said that she was getting stressed out by all of the boxes and that she really wishes that she knew what needed to go where so that she could unpack some stuff. This just set me off so I unloaded. I told her in no uncertain that she doesn’t live here so if it was stressing her out then maybe she should spend some time at her own place, after all it is kind of weird for her to be constantly at our apartment, even when Spencer is at work, she was the one that didn’t want to move in with him, he was ready for that commitment but not her. I know that we have a lot of stuff but what she was looking at was all stuff that would be getting put away it wasn’t just going to sit around forever and it has been stressing me out too but unloading what is essentially a storage room is not high on my priority list and unlike her I work full time, I had gotten up at 7 the previous day to finish moving and didn’t get home from work until 11:30pm at which point I tried to unpack as much as I could before crashing, which is what I have been doing the since the move started so excuse me for wanting to rest a bit and only unpack two boxes before work today. She especially didn’t like the fact that I flat out told her that it is property policy that no guest is allowed to stay for more than six nights without prior approval and that no guest is allowed to stay more than fourteen nights a month without prior approval and that neither I nor Jake were willing to risk fines and possible eviction to look the other way. If she wanted to get added on the lease and pay her share of the bills we are more than willing to do so but we are not going to subsidize her use of space, water, or electricity.

We didn’t really talk much after that and the guy who was sent to clean showed up about five minutes later (not sure if I mentioned it earlier but only a surface clean was done before we moved in and I wasn’t having that so I went to the office and they made sure that someone came by to do a proper job today, even gave me a little inspection sheet to make sure that everything was done to my satisfaction) so I was kept somewhat occupied until he was done. After he left we didn’t really talk but seemed like an “I now see where I was wrong but I’m not willing to admit it” kind of not talking.

I also talked to Spencer on my way in to work (when he happens to have his free period) and he said that he had tried to talk to her about it a few times earlier but that maybe he was being to nice for it to really get through and that even if it means some hurt feelings now it is something that she needed to hear or else there would be major problems down the road (for everyone involved). I also let Jake know so he knows what is going on. Hopefully things will get better form here on out and that I wont have to deal with any unpleasantness when I get home from work.

Solumina · 06-01-2010, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

it's more conducive to lead someone where you want them to go than to point and push.

This is some really good advice.

triggerhappi26 · 06-01-2010, 01:54 PM

Wow Solumina sounds like an awful person to have hovering around.

I think that would be when I break out some pranks for but I'm a much more immature and mischievous person, most of the time.

>.>
<.<

Solumina · 06-01-2010, 02:16 PM

The thing is that we usually get along quite well and she is normally so laid back. This is all so out of character for her and that is what is really throwing me.

Ben Lahnger · 06-01-2010, 03:02 PM

If she's not normally a git and this is unusual behavior, then maybe 1) there's something about where she stays that stresses her out, so she see's Spencer's/your place as a haven but 2) not having everything unpacked and having boxes everywhere is stressful.

Of course, you were rightly stressed by your moving/work schedule and she overstepped her bounds in a number of ways. Hopefully, if she calms this instinct toward wanting order now, she'll see you do make progress over time and will relax.

I know that in my current apartment I've had to repack and unpack my kitchen and bathroom 3.5 times (don't ask) because they kept rescheduling mandatory pest control spraying but then the pest control people didn't show up on each day everything was boxed up. I've told them I'm not doing it any more and they can just spray around the cabinets without opening them, seeing as how I don't have a pest problem here and I am not boxing anything up again.

Damn nuisance! So the point of that paragraph was just to say that it's hard for me to feel organized when everything is in boxes around me. Maybe she feels a bit of that. I'm sure you do.

vindicatedxjin · 06-01-2010, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solumina

The thing is that we usually get along quite well and she is normally so laid back. This is all so out of character for her and that is what is really throwing me.

My guess is that she's probably like me, and a neat freak. I tend to nag whenever I'm around a chaotic messy atmosphere, even if it's moving, and even if it's not my place. It stresses me out for some reason, and I get stupidly naggy and bitchy. You should talk to her kindly and tell her that it's nothing to get upset over. Tell her to leave till it's all over, or slap her. My bf would have to tell me to just get out of the room whenever I first moved in. I'm kind of growing out of it though, due to my tiny amount of space.

Saya · 06-01-2010, 11:40 PM

I'm stupid. I just ran to a convenience store to spend all the money I had on tampons and toilet paper, since I'm low on tampons and out of TP. Anyway, I got home, ran to the bathroom because I had to pee, opened the package...it wasn't TP, it was paper towel. Its the uber cheap kind that might as well be TP, but yeah, I'm stupid. Wait til my roommate wakes up and I have to explain that one >.>

vindicatedxjin · 06-02-2010, 06:02 AM

Well at least it does it's job :/

Solumina · 06-02-2010, 01:23 PM

Spencer had another talk with Jess yesterday and basically told her that if she wanted to hang out with us during the day that was fine but if she was just going to sit around and play games/whatever that she needed to go home. He also told her that we know she is just trying to help but unles it is going on his desk or in his room than she needs to leave things packed because a lot of stuff was going where other things belong and it was making unpacking take even longer. He seemed to think that the talke went well but I don't know since they were both gone when I got up, at least things were in pretty much the same spots as I had left them the night before.

Ben Lahnger · 06-02-2010, 05:34 PM

*fingers crossed that the talk took*

Ben Lahnger · 06-03-2010, 03:16 PM

"Sack Tapping?" Seriously, WTF?

'Sack tapping' a silly game with serious consequences - Los Angeles Times

Apparently Judge Judy even devoted a special episode to showing the severity of sack tapping.

I can't imagine one of my friends trying that shit when I was growing up. It would have been the last thing he would have ever been able to use that hand for.

Teenager Has Testicle Amputated After 'Tapping' Game

“It’s just gotten way out of control,” said Dr. Scott Wheeler, a urologist in Brainerd, Minn. who says he performs three to four surgeries a year on boys with ruptured testicles and other complications as a result of “sack tapping.”

Strange times. WTF?

Saya · 06-03-2010, 03:25 PM

I think my phantom testicles just shrank in horror.

triggerhappi26 · 06-03-2010, 06:32 PM

From "the choking game" to "sack tapping" what ever hapened to chinese checkers and connect four?

Still Jack · 06-03-2010, 11:46 PM

I did some seriously stupid shit in my time, getting very close to seriously damaging/killing each other, but never something actually quite that stupid.

Ben Lahnger · 06-04-2010, 08:54 AM

People rarely if ever make a full apology any more. In fact, I think it's passing from public knowledge what that is ... as if just saying "sorry, dude" or "my bad" is sufficient.

When I was growing up I was taught there are 3 steps to a complete apology:

1) Make a sincere statement expressing your remorse.
2) Do whatever you can to repair the damage caused by your actions.
3) Take concrete, visible steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Hell, most people can't seem to even get number one right these days.

*sigh*

ape descendant · 06-04-2010, 09:13 AM

Poor kids are gonna have to start wearing these.

http://www.hrp.org.uk/Assets/Cod-pie...p%20asset).jpg

JCC · 06-04-2010, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

People rarely if ever make a full apology any more. In fact, I think it's passing from public knowledge what that is ... as if just saying "sorry, dude" or "my bad" is sufficient.

When I was growing up I was taught there are 3 steps to a complete apology:

1) Make a sincere statement expressing your remorse.
2) Do whatever you can to repair the damage caused by your actions.
3) Take concrete, visible steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Hell, most people can't seem to even get number one right these days.

*sigh*

Word on this. Whenever someone says "I'm sorry but-" I stop listening.