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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
04-08-2008, 05:18 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 56
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Untitled: Horse related
Smell of hay, dusty air
Leathers squeak in rhythm
Reins are taut, hips roll smooth
Two minds; a mechanism
Gentle pulling of the reins
Governing our every move
Give and take, feeling free
Take me where I want to be
Panting breath, tongue is dry
Mist of earth mummifies
Memorized choreography!
Keep hands where they need to be
Reins are taut, hips roll smooth
Give it your all, there’s nothing to lose
**********************
Blah. Okay, please tear it to shreds. LOL...
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04-08-2008, 10:27 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 199
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I love horses, and I like this.. needs a little work though..
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04-08-2008, 10:49 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,687
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I'm sorry, I'm laughing pretty hard right now because this poem makes it sound like you're fucking a horse.
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04-09-2008, 11:44 AM
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#4
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: 750 mi north of AZ equivalent to Derry, Maine
Posts: 673
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No, horse fucking doesn't come to mind upon reading that, not for me. Probably not for anyone else who has had extensive experience with horses, or who knows how to ride.
While it is a bit rough, the idea comes through, and is a testament of the cooperation, friendship, and understanding that can form between horse and owner. good try, keep up the effort.
__________________
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with catsup." - unknown
question:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormtrooper of Death
(shouts) WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??!!?
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answer:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beneath the Shadows
Because some people are dicks. And not everyone else is gay.
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04-09-2008, 02:12 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 56
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Before checking for replies, I reread it and realized that lines 7, 8 and 14 are really off. It does need a bit of work, but because it's only my second poem, I'm not all that concerned about it. I'll gain experience from my mistakes, I guess.
As for gothicmaximus... Have you ever ridden a horse before? Not trail rides, but really knew what you were doing? It's not just sitting up strait and yanking on the reins. A rider's movement plays an important part in the horse's temperment and performance.
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04-09-2008, 03:27 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,687
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Yeah, okay, I was a little out of it when I wrote that, and I admit it wasn't exactly constructive, but I can't possibly be the only one who sees it.
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04-09-2008, 03:39 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: NoVA
Posts: 5,290
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Make me think of this stretch in the woods where I used to gallop.. I miss riding. Damn by barn-soured beast. 
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04-18-2008, 05:06 AM
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#8
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,424
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus
Yeah, okay, I was a little out of it when I wrote that, and I admit it wasn't exactly constructive, but I can't possibly be the only one who sees it.
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Yeah i see it...
and the thought amuses me to a great extent.
The author could always change it to a horse sex poem, I'd be much more inclined to read it again in that circumstance
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04-18-2008, 05:56 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 23
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I like it  It reminds me of the many happy years I spent riding. What kind of horse do you have/ride?
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