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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
01-05-2009, 11:23 AM
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#1
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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I saw them.
Like a most Rocktastic dream,
there they stood, Kings of Rock.
Playing their instruments like before,
in a time when they were roses in a
garden of weeds, oh so revitalizing.
Oh, it all came back in a flood of the past,
the adults were left speechless, but for a boy,
it destroyed the world his parents made for him.
Setting him free to make his own, as it should be.
Oh yes, yes as it should be, let him dream.
Dream of a world where he was king, a king king
to whom all adored, a king whose music freed others,
as the Demi gods did for him, oh yes, an excellent dream.
Dreams of a child, a foolish child who will wake up one day,
and learn that a dream, should remain just that, a dream.
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01-05-2009, 01:00 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Yeah, I know I should've spent alot more time on it.
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01-07-2009, 12:19 AM
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#3
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Yeah, I know you think that my poetry isn't even worthy of bad feedback.
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01-07-2009, 01:04 AM
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#4
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 650
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There, like a rock static dream
they stood, the Kings of Iron
Playing guitars like harps
In a time when they were roses
In a garden of weeds,
It came back with a flood of memories
It destroyed them
and she learned to dream the foolish dream...
I don't know, you could rework it a million different ways, it's all up to you as the writer how you'd want it to sound.
__________________
What?
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01-07-2009, 01:28 AM
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#5
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
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I actually like it. Its not perfect, but it has a lot of potential. Not that its terrible as it is.
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01-07-2009, 04:01 AM
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#6
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the concrete and steel beehive of Southern California
Posts: 7,449
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It was interesting. And I like your use of roses as symbolic of the musicians. I think if it were me I would add more adjectives, make it more colorful.
Rocktastic dreams!
Pillars of Sound, Kings of Rock.
Cymbals clash! Plucking strings!
Rose blossom scent
lyrical talk,
can't stop inhaling.
Audience ascent.
(And so on.)
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01-07-2009, 10:12 AM
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#7
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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This thread makes me want to die.
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01-07-2009, 10:20 AM
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#8
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Your mother.
Posts: 1,044
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Why don't you write then?
__________________
The Overture To The Symphony Of Destruction.
I am the Antiproduct!
There is, they say, no fool like an old fool - Golding.
" All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting." - Orwell.
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01-07-2009, 10:22 AM
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#9
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Necrophagist
Why don't you write then?
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I do, but I suck at it so I don't post them any more.
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01-07-2009, 10:27 AM
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#10
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,192
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I make the most badass poetry ever.
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01-07-2009, 10:51 AM
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#11
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Your mother.
Posts: 1,044
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I make better. Malice in Wonderland admitted it.
In darkness I thrive,
In sunlight I die,
In wrath I slay,
In arrogance I enslave,
Bow to me,
For I God.
^ Gawffick.
__________________
The Overture To The Symphony Of Destruction.
I am the Antiproduct!
There is, they say, no fool like an old fool - Golding.
" All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting." - Orwell.
Last edited by Necrophagist; 01-07-2009 at 10:52 AM.
Reason: Error
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01-07-2009, 11:02 AM
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#12
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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The person who can guess what it's about get's 20 bucks!
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01-07-2009, 11:05 AM
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#13
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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You really want to make rock music but you think you suck too much. It's not that hard to decipher, since you pretty much state exactly that.
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01-07-2009, 11:10 AM
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#14
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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Oh, it's not about me.
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01-07-2009, 11:16 AM
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#15
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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Oh. I'm used to you talking about how you fail at everything so I was expecting this to be more self-indulgent sympathy mongering.
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01-07-2009, 11:23 AM
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#16
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Desert
Posts: 4,270
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I don't blame you. It's really pathetic on my part to get some sympathy, when I really need to shut the fuck up, and improve my fucking life.
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01-07-2009, 02:53 PM
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#17
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Your mother.
Posts: 1,044
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Great, It's about me, again...
__________________
The Overture To The Symphony Of Destruction.
I am the Antiproduct!
There is, they say, no fool like an old fool - Golding.
" All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting." - Orwell.
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