Town and Turret: The Tale of Castle Gothica - Page 8

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 03-21-2008, 05:59 PM

It's a very good chapter. I almost cried thinking of Renatus dying.....

But what gets me even more if thinking that Von Paine might die.

HumanePain · 03-21-2008, 06:14 PM

Chapter 31

Thin white curtains billowed gently and silently in the late morning breeze. As they puffed up and deflated in cyclic rhythm, Crimson looked beyond them to the cloudy sky. The weather had threatened rain all morning and now the clouds appeared to be breaking up: there was a breech to the blue sky above, and sunbeams playing along the green country side outside the hospital.

She kept playing the scene back in her mind: Renatus falling, and then gunshots and muzzle flash begging her attention, but she could not break from Renatus; they continued to look at each other as he fell but he was convulsing in an acrobatic attempt to right himself, to prevent a head first impact, and as his body whipped around he kept his gaze on her until his view refocused on Emerald above her. Crimson saw him stiffen just before impact, then his feet hit first.

Both legs cracked sharply, the shock wave jarring his head forward, while his torso fell backward, then followed by a soft thud as he landed on the seat of his pants with another shock wave, this time jarring his head backward, and then his arms, and lastly his head striking a flat stone behind him, which split in pieces leaving him spread out, legs contorted in their fractured position.

Then the feel of air rushing as the remains of Emerald Woulf flew past her and Brandon, her ruin splattering the rocks in blood from what was left of her head. Only then did she turn to look to where the shots came from and saw the police, who were holstering their guns and were led by Edward, his left arm in a sling as he clambered over the rocks to Renatus.

She returned to the present to look at Renatus now, lying in the bed, casts on both legs and one on his left arm, and bandages about his head. But she could see his closed eyes. His boyish eyelashes and eyebrows made it appear he was peacefully dreaming, not sedated. Her father had been here earlier this morning but had left to visit Edward in another hospital room down the corridor. Edward also received a cast on the left arm. Crimson was considering this coincidence, when she heard voices down the corridor, and then the loud clanking of metal upon metal.

"You can't discharge me yet! I am almost choked to death and need hospitalization, and yet you are discharging me? This is incompetence! Where am I to go? Who will take care of me? You can't do this!"

"Don't worry Miss McKenzie, we'll take care of you. We have a nice cell for you at the jail."

The voices became louder and now, across the doorway, Crimson could see Molly handcuffed to a wheelchair, being pushed by a policeman and followed by two more with Von Paine following behind.

"I am not the one to go to jail! I want to press charges for attempted murder! Do you hear me? MURDER!"

The policeman pushing her spoke again.
"We already told you Miss, that Mrs. Raven was with us when we searched your house for her son, and she was left behind. When you showed up and attacked her, she had to protect herself from becoming another victim of your plot. It was purely self defense."

"AAAAAAHHHHH! SHE attacked ME! How many times do I have to tell you?"

And so the complaining went. Crimson's father had obviously had enough as he abandoned the parade and came into the room to rejoin his daughter.

"Is he awake yet my dear?" He went up to Crimson, black camouflage now gone, and he put his arm on her shoulder, now bare as she was wearing a strapless burgundy dress, with black lace trim. She wanted to look nice for Renatus when he awoke.

Crimson put a hand on her father's, and looked up at him.
"Not yet. Does Molly have any chance of pressing charges against Dawn?"

Her father laughed.
"Not at all, even it went that far Mrs. Raven would easily be defended by an insanity plea by any lawyer, as any psychiatrist who spoke to Mayor L'Oiseau and others would recognize the signs of clinical depression and dementia that preceeded the fight, symptoms that were caused by the kidnapping of her child. But it won't come to that."

Crimson stood up and went to Renatus side. She touched his black and curly sideburns left uncovered by the head bandages.

His eyes flicked open! Then he looked at Crimson.

"You are the most..." he was whispering "amazing woman I have ever known."

She smiled and bent down to kiss him on the lips, and then staying close to him whispered back.

"And you are daring, and handsome, and strong, and brilliant...and you are all mine!"

And she kissed him again.

HumanePain · 03-21-2008, 06:30 PM

OK, so that's it folks! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I obviously left it open for a sequel.

This story has gone to number 22 of all time and all threads in Literature in terms of views, but is still 8 places behind Crimson's Shadow Realm , which is enjoying 14th place of all time. Town and Turret is 5th place out of all threads in Literature in terms of replies.

The story ended up becoming Action with a touch of Science Fiction. Not as much Gothic Romance as I originally intended, but I had to write what my muse showed me in my mind's eye. I still did not do the vision justice, as I was writing this in between sleep and work and household chores and errands and...if I could just do nothing but write, I know I could do better. I think I will take a week off from work in the near future and write the sequel.

This experience taught me a lot. I wrote as much in this story in the past month, than I have in writing all of my stories and poems since I started writing anything two years ago! I think I like writing novels now more than short stories. (Technically, this is a novella, not novel. It is about 30,000 words short of a novel.)

Anyway, thanks for reading, thanks for the feedback, and thanks Gnet for providing me a place to share it!

THE END

HumanePain · 03-21-2008, 06:38 PM

Oh, and thanks to Bella Sophia for the idea of using Gnet member names in a story.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 03-21-2008, 07:55 PM

AMAZING!!!!!!

Absolutely.

Renatus · 03-21-2008, 08:05 PM

I must say it felt rather odd wondering at the end of chapter 30 if I survived, on one hand it would of been a hell of a way to die, but an even better ending to have survived in. Overall I loved it, such a rich setting you created with such great characters which like Raven said had me on the edge of my seat. Like Crimson said absolutely amazing (though not in that order).

But now I am left with the question in my mind if there will be a sequal, and how long there is to wait.

Renatus · 03-21-2008, 08:16 PM

Also what is your fictionpress username?

Renatus · 03-21-2008, 08:24 PM

Scratch that, I managed to track it down(Bob Zox). Though for the sake of the people there you might want to update the story.

emeraldlonewoulf · 03-21-2008, 08:42 PM

Well, Sir, I must say you have fashioned a tempestous, suspenseful, and thoroughly entertaining read, even if my evil doppelganger managed to bumblingly get her damn fool head blown off through imprudent lack of planning and complete lack of compassion.

Kudos, you did good! I would love to see this in a magazine at some point, maybe serialized? If you publish "officially", please let us all know!

HumanePain · 03-22-2008, 10:49 AM

Thanks guys! Readers like you make it all worthwhile!

But you do deserve better. There were so many mistakes; I am fortunate that you overlooked them all (or were too kind to mention them. Really, I don't mind if you point out mistakes, I need constructive criticism!). Leaving out words, or using the wrong word, grammatical errors. Crap like that interrupts the dream flow for the reader, and I want you all to see it clearly in your mind without interruption. (sigh)
But practice makes perfect! Onward to the sequel! (I will post it in a thread of it's own when ready, probably not for a couple of months as the sequel concepts ferments in my sodden mind.

I need to think of what other literary sketch has not been used yet. I have already used:

political war (the recall)
science fiction (the sensory accelerator. Still don't know what to call it.)
betrayal (Zombina)
kidnapping (Emerald Woulf)
shootings and assassinations (various places)
stabbings (Crimson vs. Emerald)
love scenes (duh! obvious)
car chase (Mr. Child)
dramatic rescue (the child)
dramatic escape (Edward from the burning car)
cat fight (Dawn and Molly)

Hmmmm...what other manifestation of human conflict and drama can I use? Hmmmm O_o

Duane · 03-22-2008, 11:02 AM

Has anyone commited Suicide, been r.a.p.e.d, been turned into a giant fire-breathing dragon, by an insane scientist?

HumanePain · 04-21-2008, 09:15 PM

The completed version has now been published and copyrighted! Hooray!

Apathy's_Child · 04-22-2008, 04:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Hmmmm...what other manifestation of human conflict and drama can I use? Hmmmm O_o

I could use my super-secret ghostie powers to look up the gals' skirts. But that'd just be wish fulfilment, which can be a weak plot device..........

What about Mindless1 and Signe as a villainous team, who sucks those who draw too near into a giant, swirling black hole of self-obsession? Those who encounter the twosome will be rendered incapable of talking about anything other than themselves, and the rest will have to save them by journeying to a Third-World country and bringing back a healthy dose of reality.

Wormboy · 05-03-2008, 12:15 AM

From what I have read, very well done HP. You're quite the writer. Hmm, I think I shall post a short story of mine here ^_^

HumanePain · 05-03-2008, 01:55 AM

I made many mistakes, but thank you for your kind words Wormboy.

HumanePain · 11-24-2008, 04:27 PM

This is a forward pointer to the sequel Town and Turret: Redheads and Blood, for those readers who wish to continue reading the adventures of Renatus,
and Crimson too,
The Leader and
Honeythorn,
the Professor
and Maryann,
here in Castle Goth-i-caaaaaaa!

https://www.gothic.net/boards/showthread.php?t=13278

Oh, and it is also a covert way to add the 700 more views I need to make Town and Turret finally crack the top ten most viewed threads of all time in the entire history of the Literature Forum.

HumanePain · 01-01-2009, 09:00 PM

81 more views and this story will crack the Literature forum's top ten threads of all time!

HumanePain · 06-30-2010, 05:51 PM

Wow, just 400 more views before Town and Turret will move into 6th place! But then it will sit there for a long time, as it would take 6,000 views to move into 5th place.

I know, I am resting on my laurels and should get off my ass and finish any one of the half dozen stories I never finished elsewhere in this forum. Maybe Trailer Park...