Terrified of Pregnancy.

[Tam Li Hua]

Ok, G.net, I need your advice on something that I'm not all that educated on. [I'm not even completely sure that this would be the appropriate place, but I'll try it anyways.]

I'm getting married on November 22nd, and I really really REALLY don't want to get pregant. Both me and the fiance are dead-set against having kids any time soon [if ever]. We're both in our early 30s, and while he has had sex before, I haven't, and I don't know much about contraceptives or birth control.

I was looking into a couple of things, like the Today Sponge and condoms [both male and female], which seem to be the direction we may want to go.

I don't want to take another pill, because I am already taking Paxil every day, and I -really- don't want to have to fool around with it. I'm taking just the right amount that I need and have been blissfully sane ever since last April when I started taking it. [That is, I don't get horribly depressed for no reason, or get unreasonably angry at little things, or anything like that. I still have emotions, just not debilitating ones.]

I'd even consider surgery for either him or me, but we are both a little low on funds at the moment, and I don't have insurance.

Anyways, if anyone has any thoughts or advice, then I'd really appreciate the help. Thanks in advance!

~Lady Tam Li~

[Saya]

Personally I would still recommend the pill, I was iffy about going on it myself, I figured it would screw me up a little but I must say I got a good result from it, I didn't PMS, my periods became more regular. There were two draw backs, my periods laster longer than they usually do and I had a hard time remembering to take them, which scared me a bit, two friends I know got pregnant while on the pill because they didn't take it the same time every day.

One of those friends had her baby two months ago and is now using a ring:
http://www.sexualityandu.ca/teens/co...ption-2-4.aspx

Female condoms are not as effective as male condoms (in highschool the rate quoted to us was only 75% effectiveness for female condoms) so I really wouldn't recommend them, and my sister had injections but she absolutely hated them, she gained six pounds after each needle and never had her period.

[Solumina]

The pill, patch, and ring are all equally effective (around 99.98%) and they do not impact the quality of your sex or alter the affects of your other medications. There is also a hormone shot that you get every three months that is 99.9% effective but I don't know much about that. The sponge is something like 86% effective and is generally only recommended in addition to another form of birth control. Condoms are a good option but some people don't like the feel (male condoms are 997% effective female condoms are abound 5%). There is also the option of an IUC but that is not generally recommended for those who have not yet had a child and is very dangerous for those who are at risk of endometreitis. I hope that was at least a little informative.

*adit* a lot of girls have a hard time remembering their pill, a good way to remember is to set a reminder on your cell phone.

[strange_pleasure]

Could Mirena be an option for you? I tried to post the link but I guess i'm not allowed to post links yet? Anyway, once it's inserted it last for about 5 years and can be taken out at any time. You don't have to remeber to take any pills everyday and you don't have to stop and "ruin the moment" to protect yourselves.

[$haDe]

I would say that surgery is the best way.... or not having sex should be considered. hehe


And recommended that you take no pill.

I believed that chemical is something...bad

As the one who created it didn't even noticed your existence, Why would he want to help you with his pill. He can just out some normally used formula chemical in and do nothing better than other's attempted

[JCC]

Just use a condom, they're pretty easy.

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by strange_pleasure

Could Mirena be an option for you? I tried to post the link but I guess i'm not allowed to post links yet? Anyway, once it's inserted it last for about 5 years and can be taken out at any time. You don't have to remeber to take any pills everyday and you don't have to stop and "ruin the moment" to protect yourselves.

Mirena is one of the more common IUCs out there so if you are a good candidate for an IUC then Mirena would most likely be a good option for you but it really is not better or worse than other widely available IUCs.

Even though you are not insured I think a trip to the gynecologist is a good idea (and necessary for many of the available options as they require a prescription). He or she can give you knowledgeable advice and can do a much better job of helping you decide what will work best for you than some people on the internet.

[Saya]

^ This is true. You can go to a gynecologist and they can help decide what is best for you. Or if thats too expensive, do you have a planned parenthood clinic nearby? Or it might be called a sexual health clinic?

[Cicero]

I remember the pill by putting the packet right next to my toothbrush, since I always remember to brush my teeth. The only times I've missed pills have been when I've run out and forgotten to pick up my next prescription. In those cases, condoms are always on hand to use until I've been back on the pill for at least ten days (it says seven on the packet, but I'm paranoid as hell).

As long as your partner has been tested for STI's and is in the clear I'd recommend the pill, patch and ring above condoms, not only for the lower failure rate. Sex just isn't as good with a piece of latex in the way, and when you're fucking frequently the sheer cost of buying condoms all the time can be immense (not to mention the extreme disappointment from having none available when you need them).

[Unimatrix 00]

If you do not wish to have bambinos, them I think you should get your fallopian tubes tied and a vasectomy for the bf. Its the safest thing. Its a very simple procedure i heard.

But may i ask you this:

Why do you not wish to have children? I think they are sunlight.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Go with the pill.
Your gynecologist can try one that won't interfere with your other medication.

Also...MAKE SURE YOU LEARN ABOUT ALL OF THIS BEFORE YOU START HAVING SEX.

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by JCC

Just use a condom, they're pretty easy.

Oh, he will, but I wanted to use something as well to reduce the chance even further.

Originally Posted by Solumina

Even though you are not insured I think a trip to the gynecologist is a good idea (and necessary for many of the available options as they require a prescription). He or she can give you knowledgeable advice and can do a much better job of helping you decide what will work best for you than some people on the internet.

I am. Unfortunately, the earliest I could get in to see one is Nov. 10th, and the wedding is on Nov. 22nd. I'll still ask for her thoughts, though, since I can always start taking something later on.

Originally Posted by Saya

...do you have a planned parenthood clinic nearby? Or it might be called a sexual health clinic?

Aiya! I've been meaning to look it up and find out where it is! Thanks for reminding me. ^_^

[Tam Li Hua]

Cicero: All the points you made are why I'd like to not have to use condoms. XD But I won't be opposed to them completely. I just want my first time, at the very least, to be as natural as possible. ^_^

Unimatrix: Heh heh. Trust me, we would if we could, but money is -really- tight, he's still looking for work, and I don't have any insurance.

Well, I'd want him to be 'tied', but not have them completely incapacitated, just in case we change our minds later on.

As for why not, neither of us feel ready to care for a baby. If something happened, and we had one anyway, I'm sure we'd care for him/her/it, but we'd just really rather not.

That, and I've had nightmares about becoming pregnant without even having sex. That's not a fun dream. ^_^;;

Ophie: That's why I'm doing research in different venues.

[Methadrine]

There is another alternative... but it's not something that works for everyone. Train with your bf to when he's about to enter the holy land of orgasm, he pulls out. That way, no kids. The negative thing about this is that some of the unity of ending an act of love is lost, but considering that it won't lead to a pregnancy, it's something you guys might want to try out.

On the positive side, it might teach you two a closer intimacy as you discover new, interesting ways in how to best please each other after that.

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by Methadrine

There is another alternative... but it's not something that works for everyone. Train with your bf to when he's about to enter the holy land of orgasm, he pulls out. That way, no kids. The negative thing about this is that some of the unity of ending an act of love is lost, but considering that it won't lead to a pregnancy, it's something you guys might want to try out.

On the positive side, it might teach you two a closer intimacy as you discover new, interesting ways in how to best please each other after that.

We were talking about it one night, and he asked me directly if I wanted him to do that exact thing. I don't know how I feel about that idea, because of the intimacy issue you described. At the same time, wouldn't using a male condom do exactly the same kind of thing? [I don't really know, so that's why I'm asking.]

[Underwater Ophelia]

Are you fucking serious, Meth?
The pull out method doesn't work because you can't tell when you're leaking precome, and precome does contain a small amount of sperm.

Not only that, sometimes guys come a bit and don't realize it, and then you'd definitely have a fair chance of pregnancy.





TAM---go to Planned Parenthood. You don't need insurance, and the price of all services is based on your income on a sliding scale, so it's almost always affordable. Set up a meeting right away, and the nurses there will talk to you about finding the best kind of oral contraceptive. Obviously, you really do need to be good at remembering to take the pill every day if you're on oral birth control.

As for the today sponge, I'd say no. You rarely hear about women using the today sponge, and that's because it's really not recommended by doctors, as it's not the most effective means of preventing pregnancy.

Condoms are good when paired with the pill, but in my experience, unnecessary. I've been on the pill for about two years with lots of sex, and I've never even had the slightest hint of a pregnancy scare--that's without using condoms.
Like I said, condoms are pretty effective, particularly when paired with the pill, but you have to ask yourself if you want that in your sexual life. I know some people don't mind them, but I think it's very aesthetically displeasing, and takes away some of the intimacy, not to mention it's habit of spoiling the mood a little bit if you just want to have spontaneous sex in the kitchen or something.


Even though you trust your partner enough to marry him, DO NOT have unprotected (condomless) sex with him until you both get blood tests for HIV and other STIs. Those tests are also available at Planned Parenthood and are probably inexpensive.

[Methadrine]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Are you fucking serious, Meth?
The pull out method doesn't work because you can't tell when you're leaking precome, and precome does contain a small amount of sperm.

Not only that, sometimes guys come a bit and don't realize it, and then you'd definitely have a fair chance of pregnancy.

Well, I assumed they would be smart enough to use a condom while having fun. If not, then yes, it's not a good method at all.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Methadrine

Well, I assumed they would be smart enough to use a condom while having fun. If not, then yes, it's not a good method at all.

Wait, you're talking about pulling out while wearing a condom? I figured you meant while barebacking it.

I guess you could pull out if you had a condom, but I don't know why you would.

[Tam Li Hua]

Ophie: Yeah, I was just thinking about that this morning on the way to work: He needs to get a check-up too.

He's been married once before, and only had sex with her...but I don't think they were having any for the past few years before she left. And even though I know that he hasn't done it with anyone else, it -would- make me feel better.]

Thanks for the info on the Today Sponge. I was considering it, because it says that you can keep it in for over 24 hours, so it doesn't spoil being spontaneous, but perhaps there's a better way.

I'd be more for the pill if it wasn't for my fear of how the pill may interact with my Paxil. I like feeling sane, and definitely do NOT want to go back to feeling completely out of control emotionally. x_x;;

[Methadrine]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Wait, you're talking about pulling out while wearing a condom? I figured you meant while barebacking it.

I guess you could pull out if you had a condom, but I don't know why you would.

Yep. Tam wanted a sure-fire way of NOT getting pregnant, and that pretty much is as good as it gets if she doesn't want to use pills or have her guy fixed.

It's for really scared people you know.

[Solumina]

The pill shouldn't interact with your Paxil so you don't need tp worry about that.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

Ophie: Yeah, I was just thinking about that this morning on the way to work: He needs to get a check-up too.

He's been married once before, and only had sex with her...but I don't think they were having any for the past few years before she left. And even though I know that he hasn't done it with anyone else, it -would- make me feel better.]

Yeah, and it's great that you trust him, but you never know how many people his ex wife slept with. Maybe she slipped up and made a mistake while they were married. It's important to get screened.

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

Thanks for the info on the Today Sponge. I was considering it, because it says that you can keep it in for over 24 hours, so it doesn't spoil being spontaneous, but perhaps there's a better way.

Yeah, I'd say there is. When you use the sponge, you have to use spermicide, and there's a chance one of you could be allergic, and there's the fact that THAT would spoil the mood, haha.

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

I'd be more for the pill if it wasn't for my fear of how the pill may interact with my Paxil. I like feeling sane, and definitely do NOT want to go back to feeling completely out of control emotionally. x_x;;

It's possible that one type of pill could screw with your other medication, but you need to understand that for that very reason, there are TONS of different types of "the pill" on the market.
That's why it's very important to mention EVERYTHING and be very open and honest when you go to the Planned Parenthood.
Be very vocal about your concerns about the Paxil, and the staff there will choose a pill that has a good reputation for that sort of thing.
What's more, even if it suspect it's making you a little weird, the effects of the pill don't last for a long time if you stop taking it, hence why you need it every day. If you think it's messing with your Paxil, stop taking it and return to the clinic ASAP to get a new kind of pill. Obviously, DON'T HAVE SEX when you aren't taking the pill.



Also--as for the money, it'll most likely be very affordable. I don't know about your exact financial situation, but because I make so little, I get my pills for $12 a pack. Most pill packs last 28 days. $12 every 28 days isn't exactly breaking the bank compared to the thousands of dollars you'll spend on a kid.

[$haDe]

I saw a lot of people suggested pill.


But I will, again, strongly recommended taking no pill.

It's not actually created for human's usage and it's nobody respondsibility(spell ?) if the pill helping nothing out or have side-effect (grammar ?).

It's your dicision, so far .....
sorry for pointless advice

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by $haDe

I saw a lot of people suggested pill.


But I will, again, strongly recommended taking no pill.

It's not actually created for human's usage and it's nobody respondsibility(spell ?) if the pill helping nothing out or have side-effect (grammar ?).

It's your dicision, so far .....
sorry for pointless advice

Shade, that might be true in your country, but over here we have a variety of very safe and very effective oral contraceptives.

[Tam Li Hua]

Ophie: $12 a month I can certainly do. Right now, I'm paying $4 a month at Target for my Paxil, and that's not much at all. But if it was like $200 a month, that might be a problem.

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Yeah, I'd say there is. When you use the sponge, you have to use spermicide, and there's a chance one of you could be allergic, and there's the fact that THAT would spoil the mood, haha.

No kidding! XD But in all seriousness, I think that contracting a vaginal infection or disease of any kind is one of my top ten fears.

And if there's a kind of birth control pill that will work with my Paxil, that -would- be the easiest thing, it would seem.