I gave in.

vindicatedxjin · 01-28-2011, 12:56 PM

[Two girls in their early twenties are walking along a sidewalk in an unknown urban city, its dark but there is slight illumination from a few street lights scattered about. One girl hands the other an old bent cigarette and lights it for her, before placing one between her own lips, but she stumbles upon seeing someone sleeping on an old bench and the cigarette falls to the ground]

Girl 1: Is that who I think it is?

Girl 2: I'm not sure, but anything is possible at this point. I wouldn't be surprised if the ground started folding over, like a dream from "inception".

Girl 1: Well I'm pretty for sure this is a dream as well...

[Girl 2 pinches her arm really hard] Does this feel like a dream?

Girl 1: OUCH! that hurt like fuck? what the hell is wrong with you?

Girl 2: Nothing! You need to get your priorities straight and realize that this shit is REALLY HAPPENING. Now come on, and lets see if that person over there is who we think he is.

[The girls walk up to the old bench, and Girl 2 shakes the shoulder of the guy laying there. He opens his eyes slowly and rubs them, then looks at both girls in complete shock]

Guy: SAYA? JIN?
Where the hell am I? And why the bloody fuck are you both here?

Saya: You're just as confused as we are Jack... we've been here all day and so far it's only us three in this whole city.

Jin: We don't know anything, so don't bother asking us a whole bunch of questions. Nice to finally meet you by the way![she bends down to hug the guy]

Jack: Nice to finally meet you both as well...

Saya: This is just way too strange... I have no idea what to think. For all I know I could be in some strange mental hospital, making all of this up. [She crosses he arms and looks around fretfully.]

Jin: Well nice choice of characters...
[She sits next to the guy and lights a cigarette for a second try, then offers one to her side]

Jack: Thanks, I need about a thousand of these.

Jin: The gas stations are chock full of cigarettes, drinks, food. Everything. The electricity is even running... at least we won't starve to death.

Jack: So it's really just you two?

Saya: Yep just us. I woke up about a mile from here and ran into Jin, but what freaks me out is that it's always night here, and it's obviously not Alaska or anything...

***************************************

I want this to be a joint effort. I've started, now add on, and feel free to add twists and shit. I'll continue writing more, but I feel too boring to do it solo.

Despanan · 01-28-2011, 05:07 PM

The dialogue is really not bad. I'm interested In what's going on.

I'd say keep writing Jin.

Blackspike · 01-28-2011, 06:00 PM

very nice so far man very nice :]

Versus · 01-28-2011, 06:14 PM

Wait. Hold the fuck on. From my understanding:

When Jack, Saya, and Jin are the only people left in the world, there are only 4 ways this could end... and Jack wins everytime.

Am I the only one that thought that?

Also. ONE OF US. ONE OF US. <3

Saya · 01-28-2011, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Versus

Wait. Hold the fuck on. From my understanding:

When Jack, Saya, and Jin are the only people left in the world, there are only 4 ways this could end... and Jack wins everytime.

Am I the only one that thought that?

No, but I like where this is going. You should write the next chapter XD

Versus · 01-28-2011, 06:55 PM

I think I'll pass on that one. :x

Apathy's_Child · 01-29-2011, 08:08 AM

Vin, don't be lazy. Finish this shizzle.

Needs to be longer though, there isn't really enough there to give any feedback on, and the story hasn't even started yet. The whole point of writing something like this is that it's really easy to sit and shit one out really quickly. 20-30 minutes for an average scene, quick read-through to pick up clumsy wording and typos, and you're good to go. You need to make sure the story moves forward with each scene, but don't agonize over it for too long. It's not like it really matters if what you post is flawed - people will get a kick out of being in it anyway.

Still Jack · 01-29-2011, 08:52 AM

I like where this is going.

vindicatedxjin · 01-29-2011, 10:22 AM

So I've come up with some amazing shit...I don't have time to write it up today. But maybe tomorrow.

Solumina · 01-30-2011, 10:34 AM

None of you bitches update your gnet stories enough to give me a reliable source of reading material while I'm at work, somebody has to pick up the slack, may as well be you Jin.

KontanKarite · 01-30-2011, 01:22 PM

Okay. World is in good working order. There seems to be only 3 people left in the world. This almost strikes me as a Revelations story. Should be good.

Vin, I implore you to invoke some Silent Hill shit. You're a creepy hot asian girl. I know you can pull it off.

vindicatedxjin · 01-31-2011, 06:16 AM

I wasn't able to do anything over the weekend, but I'll sneak some stuff in between work.

vindicatedxjin · 01-31-2011, 08:22 AM

[A man with a beard and white pants is shown sitting on an egg shaped chair that is positioned in a vacant, pure white room. He has his legs crossed, and his eyes are closed, as he watches three people sitting on a bench, he then opens his lids rapidly and calls out to a girl who is standing quietly in a corner.]

Man: Solumina come.

[Solumina walks toward the man, wearing a white body suit, that is close fitting and somewhat otherworldly.] Yes sir?

Man: Jin has made contact with both Jack and Saya. Do you realize what this means?

Solumina: Yes. Everything is finally coming into place.

Man: Precisely. Jin is playing it off as though she doesn't know whats going on, in order to not frighten the others. They will eventually come in contact with the remaining people. Once the group is complete, you are in charge of bringing them here to me, understood?

Solumina: Absolutely.

Man: This is going to be somewhat confusing for them. We have to be subtle. Of course you were in the same situation... so I trust you understand how we need to go about this.

Solumina: Don't worry. I'm sure they will take it just fine.

Man: We just have to see how things go. Even though I have power, I am not capable of everything.

Solumina: I'm sure once they know the truth, they will be open to our situation.

Man: Solumina, I am envious of your optimism.

[Solumina kisses the mans cheek and cups his face in her hands]
This is all going to work out just fine. Trust me. Vin is sure of it as well.

[The man closes his eyes hurridly and sees two people sleeping by the side of a building]
Two more have arrived.

Solumina: I'm on my way.

Man: Remember to be subtle!

Solumina: Don't worry I will.[She walks to the only door in the room, and opens it to a dark, grungy city. Her appearance has changed, and she is wearing normal clothing.]

[Scene moves over to the two guys sleeping, they are propped up in the corner of a tall brick building and an old dumpster. A building light illuminates them from above. One of the guys awakens and starts patting his own body in fear that he has been cut open or *****, he then looks to his left to find his friend sleeping right beside him.]

Guy: DES!!! Wake the fuck up! [he shakes his friend furiously, and starts slapping him in the face. Des awakens angrily]

Des: What the HELL??? [He realizes that he somewhere unreconizable and looks at his friend in confusion.]
.............What the hell?

Guy: You tell me!?! One moment I'm in my bed, and then out of nowhere I wake up to this... WITH YOU. It has to be some type of horrible joke.

Des: Kontan, listen to me. I didn't do any of this. I swear I don't know where the fuck we are. If anything , you're the one playing a joke on me.

Kontan: DICKS. [He gets up and surveys the area, then notices someone approaching them] Des, someone is coming straight towards us.

Des: This IS a joke that YOU thought would be hilarious isn't it? Well guess what!?! I'm nothing but pissed off beyond apprehension.

Kontan: Shut up and know that I DID not DO THIS. There is someone obviously coming for us, so you might want to chill the fuck out and grab something...before you get cut up a dexter wanna be.

[Solumina, walks closer to the light to where the guys can notice that she's not a threat.]

Des: Dude, its a chick.

Kontan: So what, a girl can't kill us? [He looks at her face and realizes that she looks familiar. The girl is now within a good distance and she runs toward the guys in an excited fear]

Solumina: It's YOU!

Des: Uhm, solumina? From gnet?

Kontan: The fuck? would you like to tell us what's going on?

Solumina: I don't know! I just woke up here and haven't seen a soul till now.

Kontan: So you just woke up, in this random city, for no reason?

Solumina: Yes. You guys too?

Des: Clearly.

[Kontan turns toward the brick wall and starts lightly pounding it with the side of his closed fist]

Solumina: Are ya'll okay? Have you seen anyone else?

Des: We literally just woke up.

Solumina: I think it would be best if we keep moving, and see if we can find any others?

Kontan: What do you mean "any others". It's a city, there are tons of people.

Solumina: No there aren't. It's completely empty. You can check the buildings.

Des: So its a city without people?

Solumina: That's what it looks like.

Kontan: Why are you so calm about all of this?

Solumina: I'm not! I just see no reason to freak out. It's not going to help an anyway.

Des: Dude, she's right. We just need to stay calm and try to figure this out.

Saya · 01-31-2011, 08:27 AM

Intriguing!

In my restless dreams, I see that place, Gnet. You promised you'd take me there again someday, but you never did...

vindicatedxjin · 01-31-2011, 08:30 AM

The story in my head is just deeper than what I seem to be capable of writing. It's frustrating actually.

Solumina · 01-31-2011, 10:02 AM

It does read somewhat more like a script than literature but it works.

Apathy's_Child · 01-31-2011, 10:17 AM

Well, they're all scripts, really. Everyone's pretty much stuck to the screenplay format. I am also intrigued...

Vin, it's good that you're feeling a disparity between the vision in your head and the end result. Anyone who doesn't is a self-satisfied twat who probably didn't have a particularly in-depth idea to begin with. It's what keeps you getting better and better the longer you write.

Murder.Of.Crows · 01-31-2011, 01:36 PM

I really am starting to like this. Your keeping more mystery in the story, rather than badassery. I like both, but the mystery has me intrigued.

vindicatedxjin · 01-31-2011, 01:40 PM

Yah it's kinda how I am with everything. I'll write more tomorrow.

Murder.Of.Crows · 01-31-2011, 01:42 PM

Yay! .................