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DeathChii · 06-11-2007, 06:02 AM

Current problem = My parents [not to sound teenage angst here]

I came out to my parents about having anxiety and seeing a councelor behind their back.
Why?
I don't know- it was a stupid move on my part. As anxiously predicted, it started off with my mother telling me I was crazy, and it was all in my head, to her telling me how everything is my fault; and that I wouldn't be anxious if I wasn't so "this" and "that". Followed by my father telling me that I was being "selfish" [as if I didn't feel this way already- being anxious and all] and my mother trying to guilt me about how I don't love her. Then my dad screaming at my mom for always guilting everyone, followed by some more fighting, My mom crying, and me crying the rest of the night. I'm already late for school- my face looks horrible- I don't want to go like this...

How did it begin?
My mom was complaining about my marks dropping; I simply told her that I've been having hard time working this semester because my anxiety has been getting really bad.

How did it end?
God knows. I don't see myself being able to do anything; considering their words are circling through my head along with my own- eating away at the hapiness I've accomplished to acheive in the past few days.

I was just starting to improve... =[
Here I am back at stage 1...

On another note

My parents, being my parents, made me beleive that they were just trying to scare me. Threaten me, in some sort of way, or guilt me in to being a 'better daughter'. Unfortunatley, I was wrong. They were serious.

So the story goes:
I was born in Israel. If I were still living there, I'd be forced to go to the army at the age of 18; but I am here in Canada, getting a good education. If I don't go back to Israel for the army at 18, I loose my citizenship. I- personaly- don't care; but my parents want to send me to the army. I don't want to go to the army. It's 3 years long- I could finish school at the time. I want to be a movie director, and possibly teacher. If I am still dating my boyfriend [or even someone else] it would not be in my intention to leave them for 3 years. I had it all planed out- to finish high school, to go to university, to start a life. That's how it's always been. All of a sudden my parents throw this on me. My whole life they've been teaching me "finish school, finish school, get in to a good university, start working" where the hell did "join the army" come from!?? It was like this huge weight that just dropped on me out of nowhere! If they were planning on sending me there, they could of atleast told me from a young age. Not after I planed out my future, my life, my ideas! It's just so sudden...

Sorry for the long rant. I am ... so lost. =[

Raptor · 06-11-2007, 07:23 AM

Did seeing a councilor help? You can keep seeing them now if it did, you aren't being selfish.

If the citizenship doesn't matter to you, don't go. Your parents can't force you to go there and neither can anyone else. It definatley sounds like you'll be happiest staying where you are.

I hope you figure your way through all this soon *e-hugs*

DeathChii · 06-11-2007, 07:29 AM

Yes, the counseling did help; but now I am even worse off than I was before I went to counseling... =[

I know they can't make me... I'm guessing they will threaten me into going. Like not giving me my education money or something? So it'll be tough ><

Thanks so much for the e-hug; it was needed =D

Raptor · 06-11-2007, 07:38 AM

Hmm, I don't know how the education system works there, can you get money for further education from the government? I'm sorry I can't offer more advice, it depends on your parents. Would telling them how you feel make them anymore likely to stop telling you to join the army? I mean if they've been telling you to finish school up until now as well...

Anytime

Minyaliel · 06-11-2007, 09:18 AM

Knowledge is power - perhaps your parents don't know enough about anxiety, and therefore react like that? If this is the case, perhaps trying to educate them in a subtle/ invisible way would be a good idea.

You really should talk to your parents about how you feel, both about the army/ citizenship and about the councelling and your anxiety. They are your parents, I am sure they care much about you, and want you to be happy; it is just that they don't seem to understand. Take them to a neutral ground, talk to them calmly and maturely, let them see that you have spent some time thinking this over. Tell them how happy you are with your life just as it is now, and that you have planned your future and don't want to abandon those plans. Tell them that you love them, but that you need to follow your own path, not theirs, because it is your life and thus yours to do whatever you want with it. My blessings and prayers go with you, sweetie.

Tismine · 06-11-2007, 10:33 AM

Oh, dear, Chii-chan.
They shouldn't have done this to you. obviously, they know NOTHING of anxiety. Approach them, and make them see that yes, you WERE being mature about it, you saught proffesional help. Ask them why they think it's in your head. If it's in just in your's, then Hell, everyone else who suffers from anxiety must be crazy, too. Be very calm. Now is not the time to prove that you are a teenager. Now is the time to exercize emotional restraint. I could give you more advice, but my methods are fairly cold-hearted, which is probably NOT the image you wish to get across. Other than that, I can't say anything that Minyaliel hasn't said before me.
Good luck, Darling.

KontanKarite · 06-11-2007, 03:04 PM

Oh, Chii... I know how you feel on a couple of levels. I too, deal with anxiety. I face it all the time, but I try to do my best. My dad, who is very well to do, decided that he wants to help me, but he doesn't want to HELP me.

Basically, in a nut shell, my parents divorced and shit hit the fan. My mother is pretty much destitute, but my father is a corporate engineer of a company. My sister is covered educationally for the rest of her days by scholarships she won from different pageant competitions. But my family pretty much tried to make me feel like the military was the only way I could go.

I'm out of the military now. I have no college education and I really don't see it in my near future. I'm pretty much trying to scrape by with a bare minimum of life with a high school education and a questionable participation in the military. My parents say they want to help me, but they probably don't know how or they know how, but it would be too much of an effort on their part. I'm on my own, basically.

If the 'rents don't want to understand, you need to prepare yourself for the idea that you just might be alone on your endevours. Good luck.

I understand what you're going through. I'm sorry, it sucks. But you have your rights and they CAN'T make you fight for a country that you hold no allegiance to. That's just bloody silly.

HumanePain · 06-11-2007, 04:46 PM

Here is another hug Chii. :: hug ::
I wish I had advice for this situation but I only have a question:
If you lose your citizenship, do you become a "global orphan" without a country?
O_o
Anyway, Don't go into the military, stay where you are. In Canada, one is an adult at 18, yes?

DeathChii · 06-11-2007, 05:43 PM

Thanks for the support everyone =]
Hopefully I can get through to my parents; even if it goes by very slowly =[
As for your question, Humane, I don't know... I think where you were born is still on your birth certificate, but you don't actually have a citizenship... like it wouldn't be on your passport, and you can't live there in the future? Or something? I will still keep my Canadian citizenship.

Lapin · 06-11-2007, 05:52 PM

You must have some form of Canadian citizenship, right?

You've probably been living with dual citizenship. The country you don't live in can revoke their's if you do not comply with certain laws, i.e. joining the army, as can Canada send you to Israel if you do something horrendous.

I think. I know that's how dual citizenship has worked for several friends.

prophecyofdoom · 06-11-2007, 07:27 PM

Holy shit. I don't know why they would do this to you. Seeking counseling for anxiety is not selfish, it's smart. I would do anything to keep my kids AWAY from the military. Have you tried discussing with them why they think this citizenship is important than your living a normal life? Why they never mentioned that they intended such a thing before? Perhaps they see entering the service as a way to "fix" you? Could you discuss alternatives? I hope things work out well for you.

DeathChii · 06-11-2007, 07:30 PM

Thanks for the support...
Me and my parents have a lot to talk about... but we really don't communicate well at all... =\

james"bloody tears" · 06-11-2007, 08:16 PM

you got dealt a bad a hand, I know whats thats like and im sorry. I think you should try to tell your parents how you feel(although they sound like mine and will probly just get worse) if that dont work get out, while you can.

Aaroneet · 06-12-2007, 10:04 AM

Agreed. It's funny; one of my former French teachers wrote a short story about a sixteen-year-old girl who was living a normal life until her parents simply dumped her future upon her like a million pound stone; she had an arranged marriage. While you're circumstances are different, you're still being imposed upon in the same manner. For the record- the girl objected; perhaps it might be a form of guidance to you. Then again, I'm a little stumped as to what advice (if any) I should give.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 06-12-2007, 01:26 PM

Hunny getting help for yourself is not selfish in the least bit. No offense but your parents are just ignorant of these sorts of problems. Try to talk to them calmly about talking to your counselor. See if they'll talk to him/her and see if they can see why you are suffering from anxiety. And by the age of 18 you are officially an adult and you do not have to listen to anything your parents say because legally you can do anything that is within the limits of the law.