G.net and the Bank Job.

Still Jack · 01-26-2011, 08:03 AM

*Pan up from under a table, to a smoky Parisian Cafe, empty apart from a skinny guy in a leather jacket sitting at a table, drinking coffee*

* Three guys walk in blocking out most of the light shining in through the glass door. They walk over to the table the skinny guy is sitting at and sit down on the vacant chairs surrounding the table*

Apathy: So, Jack, are you sure you want to go through with this?

Jack: Well I fucking planned this meticulously. Why would I have second thoughts on this? The car's parked round the back and Deadman is hogtied in the boot. All we have to do is wait for Alan to get here and go over the plan again back at the hotel.

Kontan: I'm not sure man. I mean, we could end up doing time, SERIOUS time. I don't wanna get buttraped by Mr. Bigg in the shower.

Despanan: Shut up, pussy. This plan is almost foolproof. NOTHING can go wrong.

Apathy: Pipe down motherfuckers, you don't know who could be listening. Yo, Jack, why did you invite Alan anyway? It's a long fucking way from Mexico.

Jack: Old times sake mostly. He did well on the spring break job we did in Cancun. Plus he'll probably be shouting “revolucion” through the whole thing anyway, it'll confuse people.

Kontan: I don't know man, I don't trust the guy, what happens if he ends up stabbing us in the back, what if HE gets caught and sings. No-one likes a grass.

Despanan: Come on, it's Alan. He's a REVOLUTIONARY. He's ain't gonna grass on no-one.

Apathy: I agree with Desp. It's not like he's gonna get caught anyway. Deadman's the fall guy anyway, remember?

*A guy walks in through the door and walks over to the conspirators at the table.*

Alan: *thick Mexican accent* Hello comrades. Is it time to kick capitalism in the cohones yet?

Apathy: Cool it Che. We've still got 24 hours before the heist anyway.

Alan: But I want a cool sawn off shotgun and an anarchist flag to drape myself in.

Jack: Yeah yeah, c'mon, let's bounce, we've still got shit to do today.

*Jack drops a pile of change on the table and the 5 walk out of the back door.*

Saya · 01-26-2011, 08:27 AM

Now I feel bad for not working on my parody.

I'm totally picturing this in a Reservoir Dogs style.

Still Jack · 01-26-2011, 08:35 AM

Knit a parody, like tapestry style.

Apathy's_Child · 01-26-2011, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Still Jack

Plus he'll probably be shouting “revolucion” through the whole thing anyway, it'll confuse people.

Bahahahahaha. Best line.

I like how I'm clearly the resident badass of the group. You have an eye for characterization Jack.

Versus · 01-26-2011, 10:50 AM

This pumps me up.

Still Jack · 01-26-2011, 11:25 AM

There's gonna be another update soonish, maybe even tonight. Provided I'm bored enough.

vindicatedxjin · 01-26-2011, 11:34 AM

Ooh i like this. I like how all these stories are bringing some life to the forum!

Apathy's_Child · 01-26-2011, 12:03 PM

Yeah, this is the first time I can remember being really interested in more than one thread in Lit at once. Normally it's the very occasional good poem by one of abuot 3 competent posters floating amidst a sea of bloody wrists and Victorian-era phrasing. This is really cool. And yes, def seeing the Reservoir Dogs styling in this one.

Still Jack · 01-26-2011, 12:13 PM

*Cut to dingy, dank hotel room. A cockroach scuttles under the bed as the 5 conspirators sit around discussing the plan*

Kontan *peering through the venation blinds nervously* : Man, I don't trust this hotel. I bet the fucking cops are in the next room listening through a glass or some shit!

Apathy *obviously aggravated* : Look sunshine, if you're thinking about pussying out now, I swear to fucking god I'm gonna throw you through the window myself.

Alan *seemingly deep in thought* : Hey Jack, man, how are you going to deal with deadman? I mean, suppose he gets free and goes apeshit man? What then?!

Jack : Don't worry about it. I gave him a cocktail of various narcotics that will probably give him brain damage. He'll be a gibbering idiot.

Despanan : So you've turned him into a vegetable?

Jack : Yeah, pretty much. We just put him in a balaclava and leave him in the bank as a decoy. That'll confuse them for a bit.

Despanan : Sounds like a plan.

Jack : Yeah, talking of plans, there's been a change.

All: WHAT??!!!

Jack : Yeah. Listen, there's no point in doing the heist today. It's gonna be a mediocre take if even that.
We're gonna wait until the Casino drops off their takings in three days time.

Apathy : Well that's fucking ages away man, by that time the cops may have smelled a rat.

Jack : Ain't gonna happen. I got some cops on the payroll, it's gonna work out fine. Plus we got 3 extra days to plan this out. You know get shit on lock and stuff. And, there's been another hitch. Our safecracker sort of died this morning, so we're gonna have to improvise.

Apathy : I got it covered. I know just the guy. Calls himself Versus. Got kicked out of the armed forces for blowing the lid off a tank with a bunch of 'nades. And Kontan, before you start spouting shit about rats again, this guy is a straight crook if you catch my drift. We go way back.

Jack: Sounds pretty good. Oh, and Kontan since you ain't good with guns you're getting a water pistol.

Kontan: WHAT?!! That's not fair, I mean even the gay Sax blowing revolutionary gets a sawn off.

Alan : Hey fuck you Hombre, you'd probably shoot yourself anyway.

Jack: You didn't let me finish, It'll be filled with Sulphuric acid. Just for shits and giggles.

Kontan : COOL. I get to melt people's faces. Ohh man, this is better than my christmas present.

Jack: Alan, since you're used to driving in heavy traffic like a madman, you'll be the getaway driver.
You'll feel right at home in Paris.

Alan: As long as I get to choose the car.

Jack: Alright, go boost one.

Alan : I'm on it hombre.

*Alan leaves*

Apathy: Yo I dunno about you guys. But I could do with a drink and some food.

Despanan: Let's hit the bar.

Jack: Yeah man, I'm starving.

* The remaining 4 leave the room *

Still Jack · 01-26-2011, 12:15 PM

I'm debating who to kill off first. Any suggestions?

Apathy's_Child · 01-26-2011, 12:17 PM

Nonono! Don't let other people start telling you what to do with it. This ain't about crowd-pleasing, it's about ripping the shit out of everyone.

EDIT: On second thoughts, fuck that noise. Let me get a fifteen minute montage of me murdering Creature, dismembering her corpse and pissing on the remains.

Still Jack · 01-26-2011, 12:19 PM

Fair point that.

Corpsey · 01-26-2011, 12:31 PM

Hell, I haven't seen this much action in the literary section for years. If more parodies come out I will be content.

This will be dope if we can have 3-5 parodies being worked on simultaneously.

Digging it, Jack.

Pineapple_Juice · 01-26-2011, 08:35 PM

I hate myself for seeing the scene at the beginning of Dark Knight every time you mention a bank.

blareblare2000 · 12-20-2021, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Still Jack

*Pan up from under a table, to a smoky Parisian Cafe, empty apart from a skinny guy in a leather jacket sitting at a table, drinking coffee*

* Three guys walk in blocking out most of the light shining in through the glass door. They walk over to the table the skinny guy is sitting at and sit down on the vacant chairs surrounding the table*

Apathy: So, Jack, are you sure you want to go through with this?

Jack: Well I fucking planned this meticulously. Why would I have second thoughts on this? The car's parked round the back and Deadman is hogtied in the boot. All we have to do is wait for Alan to get here and go over the plan again back at the hotel.

Kontan: I'm not sure man. I mean, we could end up doing time, SERIOUS time. I don't wanna get buttraped by Mr. Bigg in the shower.

Despanan: Shut up, pussy. This plan is almost foolproof. NOTHING can go wrong.

Apathy: Pipe down motherfuckers, you don't know who could be listening. Yo, Jack, why did you invite Alan anyway? It's a long fucking way from Mexico.

Jack: Old times sake mostly. He did well on the spring break job we did in Cancun. Plus he'll probably be shouting “revolucion” through the whole thing anyway, it'll confuse people.

Kontan: I don't know man, I don't trust the guy, what happens if he ends up stabbing us in the back, what if HE gets caught and sings. No-one likes a grass.

Despanan: Come on, it's Alan. He's a REVOLUTIONARY. He's ain't gonna grass on no-one.

Apathy: I agree with Desp. It's not like he's gonna get caught anyway. Deadman's the fall guy anyway, remember?

*A guy walks in through the door and walks over to the conspirators at the table.*

Alan: *thick Mexican accent* Hello comrades. Is it time to kick capitalism in the cohones yet?

Apathy: Cool it Che. We've still got 24 hours before the heist anyway.

Alan: But I want a cool sawn off shotgun and an anarchist flag to drape myself in.

Jack: Yeah yeah, c'mon, let's bounce, we've still got shit to do today.

*Jack drops a pile of change on the table and the 5 walk out of the back door.* Gainesville Seo

This made my day indeed, lol.