Tips for moving in with a significant other...?

Pineapple_Juice · 10-28-2009, 01:45 AM

I'll be moving in with my man-thing soon and I'm sort of worried living together might fuck up our relationship. We have good communication and everything and I think it'll be alright but it's always risky moving in with someone-it changes the whole dynamics of the relationship. I would really like to never be his ex anything...like ever, so I figured I'd ask people who've already done it what the tricks of the trade are for getting along.

Thanks in advance.

Underwater Ophelia · 10-28-2009, 03:49 AM

Establish rules so you don't fight over dumb shit like dishes.

Mir · 10-28-2009, 03:53 AM

And the Toilet seat.

CrimsonPythonidae · 10-28-2009, 04:18 AM

Yeah rules are good, and honesty. It's good that you have good communication already. I probably should have considered things like that all the previous times I've lived with boyfriends but they were shitty men and I was a crap woman back then. I learnt what I do and don't like the interesting way, by jumping in and doing it a bunch of times and getting it really wrong.

If you know each other pretty well you should be okay I think, although they say you never really know someone until you live with them.
In my current relationship I made sure to be the wearer of the pants so it's working out much better than the others. Helps that he's younger than me too. We'd also been mates for a few years (which is a bit weird) before we got invovled in a more serious relationship.
I'd suggest maybe having a good chat about boundaries, ask for his and tell him yours.
Good luck, hope it all works out for you.

Razeal18 · 10-28-2009, 04:31 AM

i would like to add to be mindfull of alone time. a little space is healthy in a relationship. and boundries are good too of course.

MollyMac · 10-28-2009, 04:50 AM

Just be honest, firm and flexible. Ultimately, no one will change but some habits can adapt out of courtesy and respect. If something grates on you, mention it before it becomes a habit and be flexible and forgiving when there are honest slips.

Every little action that annoys you boils down into:

Is it something you can live with?

JCC · 10-28-2009, 04:57 AM

Separate computers.

vindicatedxjin · 10-28-2009, 08:39 AM

Be sure you have a big enough closet...this has caused many a fight for me and my boyfriend. Also his bathroom habits will ALWAYS be annoying.

skoteinh · 10-28-2009, 08:43 AM

When he does something really annoying and you're about to snap, stop and think. Fighting will not get you anywhere.
Wait until you've calmed down and then explain what it was that upset you.

Ben Lahnger · 10-28-2009, 09:03 AM

Ask yourselves why you are moving in together. Presumably you're already sleeping together. Has the charm of dating worn off; do you still dress up and worry about how you behave for every date or have things gottten pretty casual? Would you say you are friends now? If you are moving in together because you truly are friends and you just want to spend more time with each other, then you'll find a way to work the other things out.

BTW, over time I've learned that in every relationship I end up wishing the dating phase had lasted a little longer. In my current relationship we are living together, but I have tried to stress to my S.O. that we are still dating ... that we should never get too "relaxed" and never stop trying to woo each other. It helps keep the romance in the relationship.

And yeah, make fun of me using the word "woo" all you want. I think it is the exact right word to express what I mean.

Solumina · 10-28-2009, 01:03 PM

Note: These are just guidelines and suggestions, if you find that they don't work for you then simply forget I said a thing, after all every couple is different.

Talk about things like cleaning, let him know what you don't mind doing and find out what he doesn't mind doing and set up a system to get everything else taken care of. Talk about food. Do you want to shop together? It can actually be a kind of sweet date, if you have a hard time finding the time when you put your schedules together then talk about how groceries will be taken care of, what Jake and I do is a monthly Costco trip together and then we alternate who shops each week, but I know other couples where one person does all of the shopping and in return the other pays for the cable, internet, and electric, others have one person responsible for all things food related and the other cleans, just find what works for the two of you. Also talk about finances. It isn't really a fun talk because it takes something romantic like moving in together and turns off a good bit of that romance but it is nice to have things in order before you move in. Talk about what you want and what you can afford and how you will be splitting costs, Jake and I have other roommates we just split apartment costs equally but he pays when we go out since he makes about twice what I make and my job is only temporary.

On a more fun note: make sure that you do put forth effort to keep things romantic. All too often when people move in together they get a little too comfortable around each other and their relationship looses a good bit of excitement. To help keep romance alive try and keep chores like folding laundry and such out of the bedroom and if you are the type who changes clothes after work, don't just change into whatever is comfy, wear something that is casual but still looks good. Also make an effort to still go out on dates, don't set up a specific date night or anything but try to go out as a couple at least a few of times a month and go to different places, it helps to break up the everyday routine and keep things still somewhat exciting.

Oh I almost forgot, there is a pretty good chance that the two of you will bicker about a lot of stupid shit in the first month or so (especially while you are unpacking and trying to combine your stuff), if that happens then don't worry, that happens to just about everyone. Giving up having your own place and trying to mesh your world with his can cause a lot of stress and friction, once that stress passes things will calm down and it will get much easier to live together.

Good Luck!

Still Jack · 10-28-2009, 01:15 PM

I seriously have had problems living with previous partners. They just can't put up with my habits. The only thing I can remember bitching to an ex about was that she should stop "borrowing" my car without asking, which I consider entirely justified.

Anyway, my advice is, don't, it's a world of pain and grief...

Anarasha · 10-28-2009, 01:48 PM

As a man, the most efficient advice I can give you is this:
If he asks for some space, don't take it in a bad way. Some men just need some space from all the cuddly cuddleness that is commited relationships under the same roof. Don't believe that he doesn't like you any more, we men can just be like that.
(Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you are this or that, I am just giving advice on the thing that I heard can be a huge problem for a lot of guys)

Saya · 10-28-2009, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anarasha

As a man, the most efficient advice I can give you is this:
If he asks for some space, don't take it in a bad way. Some men just need some space from all the cuddly cuddleness that is commited relationships under the same roof. Don't believe that he doesn't like you any more, we men can just be like that.
(Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you are this or that, I am just giving advice on the thing that I heard can be a huge problem for a lot of guys)

So what you're trying to say is that you've never known a woman's touch and are just banking on gender roles that you've seen on tv?

Not Tha Duckman · 10-28-2009, 02:04 PM

Having kids helps.

Solumina · 10-28-2009, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saya

So what you're trying to say is that you've never known a woman's touch and are just banking on gender roles that you've seen on tv?

The exact same thing popped into my head, good to know I'm not alone.

Ben Lahnger · 10-28-2009, 04:34 PM

Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!

strange_pleasure · 10-28-2009, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCC

Separate computers.

Yes. You never realize how much you value your internet time until someone else wants to log on! What worse is if everytime they get on your computer they download all sorts of crap or mess up your files. Grr..

carakitty · 10-28-2009, 06:50 PM

Another vote for separate computers here
I'd hold off on moving in together as long as I could
But I'm biased, I got married too young and never got the chance to really live on my own.

the-nihilist · 10-28-2009, 07:02 PM

NEVER flush the toilet.

Razeal18 · 10-28-2009, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Still Jack

I seriously have had problems living with previous partners. They just can't put up with my habits. The only thing I can remember bitching to an ex about was that she should stop "borrowing" my car without asking, which I consider entirely justified.

Anyway, my advice is, don't, it's a world of pain and grief...

completly justified

Anarasha · 10-29-2009, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saya

So what you're trying to say is that you've never known a woman's touch and are just banking on gender roles that you've seen on tv?

That is not exactly what I meant :P
I see now that it is how I made it come out, but what I actually meant is that it's what I have heard friends tell me about, and what I myself have experianced, so I kinda assume it's a common thing.

Saya · 10-29-2009, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anarasha

That is not exactly what I meant :P
I see now that it is how I made it come out, but what I actually meant is that it's what I have heard friends tell me about, and what I myself have experianced, so I kinda assume it's a common thing.

No no, I'm pretty sure no one was all over you and all about cuddling, and you probably saw that Friends episode where they spew the "guys don't like cuddling, they need manly space" crap.

Anarasha · 10-29-2009, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saya

No no, I'm pretty sure no one was all over you and all about cuddling, and you probably saw that Friends episode where they spew the "guys don't like cuddling, they need manly space" crap.

Believe me or do not, I did not even think of that episode when I wrote my bloody post. When I said friends in my post, I meant the actual physical human being kind of thing, not a bloody TV show. But again, if the word friends races your mind towards TV as your first association, who is the pathetic one? I kinda imagined you as an intelligent and sophisticated human being up until now.
But because Friends used it, it therefore cannot possibly be true?
I myself know, I like cuddling and physical contact, but I can bloody need some space too.
But fine, don't bother with my post if you believe me to be a pathetic loveless loser, I really do not care. My post was really not directed at you, it was an attempt to help the original poster with what little knowladge about relationships that I do have.

Underwater Ophelia · 10-29-2009, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saya

So what you're trying to say is that you've never known a woman's touch and are just banking on gender roles that you've seen on tv?

Knowing a woman's touch doesn't mean you want it 24/7.
It IS true that women generally like cuddling more than men, and it IS true that women often get annoying when men want space or alone time.