untitled

[victoria]

Turning off the lights,
darkness swallowing up the room,
hunkering down for awsome frights,
turning off the lights,
surviving, oh, so many nights,
darkness is a fitting tomb,
turning off the lights,
darkness swallowing up the room.

I wrote this two years ago, it been published in my school's literary magazine, if you want to hear others that i did just ask

[Frenn]

*asks for others*

This strikes me as a poem that was written very quickly, which isnt necessarily a bad thing I suppose.

To me it switches mood very quickly, and without warning, from line 3 to line 5.
I begin with credits for a creature feature and wind up with an indie drama remake.

[victoria]

indeed

heres another;
The beating pulse in my ears,
helps me forget my illogical fears.
Soothing melodies or rock hard lines,
what's in the music, where are the signs?

I listen and wait for enlightenment,
but there is no logical acquirement.
Searching for wisdom among the words,
like trying to decipher the whistling of birds.

Not all of lifes questions can be answered,
of course trying to find them in music id absurd.
Take my advice and listen carefully,
life's music is all around you beating silently.

Music is my life.

[KontanKarite]

I thought the first one was really bad. However, your second one is VERY VERY nice. I like the flow. The last line, drop it completely. It's kitsch and unnecessary. "Life's music is all around you beating silently" is a FAR FAR more powerful line than your last.

Good work. I enjoyed the aggressive flow.

[victoria]

i seriously considered taking the last line out, but since this is how i originally wrote it i just added it.