Have a little faith

Graveyard.Crow · 02-26-2007, 07:13 PM

I don't want to come off like a whiney teenager by any means but this whine is about my mom. Don't get me wrong I apriciate everything she has done and the benefits I have right now of having a mom. Free food, free living, education, someone who gives a damn and so on. I can't however stand the emotional abuse anymore, if that's what you would call it. She can't see to get past what she wants and have just a little bit of faith in me. I want to learn to opera sing, and act, which is what I have been doing. My goal is to learn both those things so I can have a career in musicals or movies in general. I am stuborn and determined. My mother however has absolutly no faith in me, she pretends to sometimes but then she insults me, without actually insulting me. Like she would say things like "do you really believe you are stuborn enough to make it" and just the tone of voice tells me this is not a question but a statement. The she will say things like "Actresses actually have to work for it you know". What have I been doing? Taking classes, asking my teachers for numbers to call to get private classes and so on. She thinks that if she uses a calm tone of voice what she says will not offend me, but it does. Then she will give me an example of a career that I SHOULD have instead and that THIS one I can achieve, but NOT what I choose.

The only reason she does this to me is because somebody crushed her artistic dreams when she was a kid and now I believe she wants to get back at someone for it. She can be such a kind and caring person, but not when I truly need it, only when I am doing something she aproves of. She ignores the fact that I learned to play recorder very well when I was a kid and I wasn't even interested in music at the time. She ignores the fact that even though I have no drawing ability yet I self taught myself to draw somewhat decently. I have a hearing for music and enough emotion for an actress. I always work hard for what I REALLY want. She knows how stuborn and hard working I can be but when we argue she denies it just to spite me. Why? I just don't get it. Even when I show her that I achieved something she finds a way to make it sound flawed and pretedns like it's nothing. Nothing is every really going to be good enough I guess.

ArtificialOne · 02-26-2007, 07:23 PM

Hang in there dude. You'll change carreers lots before settling down. Your mom prolly just wants you to get a good start. Right now you don't see it but in about ten yrs you'll look back and see your mom was trying to do the right thing. I stayed angry at my parents for awhile till one day I looked back and said "Holy shit" they've had a rough job. Raising kids is hard and the best you can do is only trying your best. Relax enjoy your misspent youth and have as much fun as you cna before you get fat and old. It's inevitable.

Graveyard.Crow · 02-26-2007, 07:26 PM

I take a lot of things she says and try to make the best of it, really, but there are a few that are so harsh that I can't possibly put a positive spin on them. I have faith in myself, but one can only take so much before getting upset. If I had even the slightest self esteem problem, I would probably break down crying every time we have an argument. She tends to not spare me any harsh words and just lets it all out. Then there is the finishing touch, comparing me to my perfect little brother.

Encaitare · 02-26-2007, 07:54 PM

When I told my parents I wanted to go into music, specifically music education, my dad said I was crazy and I'd never make a decent living. Now he's my biggest supporter and he says he's jealous of me because I am doing something I love. So stick with it, hon. Your best ally and worst enemy is always yourself. Prove that you're serious and people will take you seriously.

Graveyard.Crow · 02-26-2007, 08:00 PM

I sure hope so. The thing is this is the time when I want support the most, if not my mother then who else? I mean I can just see that she will NOT support me until I develope a completely strong operatical voice,and that won't happen for a while seeing how I am only at the beginning of my journy. I can completely see her using the fact that I am less than perfect against me, as though there is anything I can do about it. What it seems she doesn't get is everyone needs to learn how to do things right, no one is born with it. Maybe you are right though, if I go against her odds I will be more proud of myself in the end. Sure would be nice.

Godslayer Jillian · 02-26-2007, 08:28 PM

Don't worry. Parents will always shun at anything that is not practical at the beginning.
My own father said he would not pay for my college if I studied philosophy.
Now we have reached a semi-agreement by my studying both philosophy and probably marketing; something that I'm confident I can accomplish.

Graveyard.Crow · 02-26-2007, 08:33 PM

So it's normal that my own mother puts me down? Well I will just have to prover her wrong now won't I?

Mir · 02-26-2007, 08:36 PM

Maybe she thinks/hopes her disapproval will spur you on to work harder just to prove her wrong. In your chosen line of work, there will be plenty of rejection, disapproval and spiteful comments. Maybe thats her way of preparing you for the world at large. And remember, being stubborn can be a useful tool if used correctly.

Drake Dun · 02-26-2007, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graveyard.Crow

The only reason she does this to me is because somebody crushed her artistic dreams when she was a kid and now I believe she wants to get back at someone for it.

A lot of the times it's something like that, yeah. It's weird how most victims pay it forward instead of fighting back. Half of society is built on that principle.

I guess what I would say is this. Believe in yourself and all that good stuff, yes. But believing in yourself means more than having faith that you can "make it", which does seem to be an asset to a lot of artists. It means knowing that you are doing the right thing regardless of whether you "make it" or not.

Don't let anybody take you outside yourself - and believe me, others will keep trying long after you leave mom and home behind. Understand that what and who you are is valuable on its own merits.

Drake

KontanKarite · 02-26-2007, 09:12 PM

Your intentions are noble. Allow me to shed light on what you'll be pursuing. My sister is Miss USA and I have a friend who went to college for theater.

Watching them both do what they do, I've come to understand the nature of the entertainment industry much more than I used to. First off, there's the look. You're going to have to be pretty. Make sure you know what compliments your look and always look your best at what ever you do.

Secondly, it's who you know. That one is a bit harder. You're going to have to go to audition to audition over and over and get rejected over and over until someone gets buddy buddy with you. Do NOT disrespect anyone else in the field. Your hair dresser today could be your director tomorrow. So you'd have to watch your mouth. Also, most people are sneaky. Trust yourself and if there's people that claim they're hot shit, do some research on them first before deciding to work with them.

Sadly, and lastly, yet still very important is the art itself. Keep at it. Private vocal lessons are good, but colleges, some colleges, offer opera vocal lessons and classes. You could literally major in vocals alone in school. Combining theater and music classes together as a double major is a great way to get lots of experience under your belt. Plus, there are some directors who like to hire actors and actresses based on skills that you wouldn't imagine they'd care about. Like being a life guard or some crazy shit like that.

Another good thing you could do is instead of going into theater for acting, go into theater to be a technition. If you major in that, but if you have a look that directors and castors like, you can land roles anyway and subliminally learn how to act. Theater tech is the best way to go when looking for practical work in the entertainment biz.

Graveyard.Crow · 02-26-2007, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Your intentions are noble. Allow me to shed light on what you'll be pursuing. My sister is Miss USA and I have a friend who went to college for theater.

Watching them both do what they do, I've come to understand the nature of the entertainment industry much more than I used to. First off, there's the look. You're going to have to be pretty. Make sure you know what compliments your look and always look your best at what ever you do.

Secondly, it's who you know. That one is a bit harder. You're going to have to go to audition to audition over and over and get rejected over and over until someone gets buddy buddy with you. Do NOT disrespect anyone else in the field. Your hair dresser today could be your director tomorrow. So you'd have to watch your mouth. Also, most people are sneaky. Trust yourself and if there's people that claim they're hot shit, do some research on them first before deciding to work with them.

Sadly, and lastly, yet still very important is the art itself. Keep at it. Private vocal lessons are good, but colleges, some colleges, offer opera vocal lessons and classes. You could literally major in vocals alone in school. Combining theater and music classes together as a double major is a great way to get lots of experience under your belt. Plus, there are some directors who like to hire actors and actresses based on skills that you wouldn't imagine they'd care about. Like being a life guard or some crazy shit like that.

Another good thing you could do is instead of going into theater for acting, go into theater to be a technition. If you major in that, but if you have a look that directors and castors like, you can land roles anyway and subliminally learn how to act. Theater tech is the best way to go when looking for practical work in the entertainment biz.

Oh wow
Thank you for the response. When it comes to looks knowing what looks good on me is sort of my speciality. I've changed my looks so much that now I seem to know myself a lot more, even if at some points I didn't make the best choices. You are absolutly right about learning different things and directors wanting you for skills you never knew you'd need. That's why or should I say how I stumbled upon opera. I didn't know that opera singers could be actresses as well, but look at Emmy Rossum. She may not be Sarah Brightman but still, she can sing and act. And aparantly I'm at a good age to start opera, when my voice isn't completely done changing but I already went through the whole womenly puberty voice part hehe.
Thanks again

Graveyard.Crow · 02-26-2007, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mir

Maybe she thinks/hopes her disapproval will spur you on to work harder just to prove her wrong. In your chosen line of work, there will be plenty of rejection, disapproval and spiteful comments. Maybe thats her way of preparing you for the world at large. And remember, being stubborn can be a useful tool if used correctly.

I don't mind other people disaproving, really I'm used to it, I am just used to thinking that relatives are the ones who help you through out life and they are the ones who say "you can do it kiddo"

PersephoneX · 02-26-2007, 10:15 PM

Take it from someone with a mother with issues, sometimes its just better to bite the bullet and pretend to listen to what she says. Dont argue. Just "listen". Be determined, work hard. And if you're good at what you do, you'll be fine.

Dont lat anyone tell you you cant do what you want to!

Graveyard.Crow · 02-26-2007, 10:18 PM

Luckily I tend to let MOST things slide, still having a hard time with the extra annoying phrases. I'm working on my rage problem too, aparantly screaming can make me loose my voice permanently. We don't want that now do we.

manequin · 02-27-2007, 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graveyard.Crow

I don't want to come off like a whiney teenager by any means but this whine is about my mom. Don't get me wrong I apriciate everything she has done and the benefits I have right now of having a mom. Free food, free living, education, someone who gives a damn and so on. I can't however stand the emotional abuse anymore, if that's what you would call it. She can't see to get past what she wants and have just a little bit of faith in me. I want to learn to opera sing, and act, which is what I have been doing. My goal is to learn both those things so I can have a career in musicals or movies in general. I am stuborn and determined. My mother however has absolutly no faith in me, she pretends to sometimes but then she insults me, without actually insulting me. Like she would say things like "do you really believe you are stuborn enough to make it" and just the tone of voice tells me this is not a question but a statement. The she will say things like "Actresses actually have to work for it you know". What have I been doing? Taking classes, asking my teachers for numbers to call to get private classes and so on. She thinks that if she uses a calm tone of voice what she says will not offend me, but it does. Then she will give me an example of a career that I SHOULD have instead and that THIS one I can achieve, but NOT what I choose.

The only reason she does this to me is because somebody crushed her artistic dreams when she was a kid and now I believe she wants to get back at someone for it. She can be such a kind and caring person, but not when I truly need it, only when I am doing something she aproves of. She ignores the fact that I learned to play recorder very well when I was a kid and I wasn't even interested in music at the time. She ignores the fact that even though I have no drawing ability yet I self taught myself to draw somewhat decently. I have a hearing for music and enough emotion for an actress. I always work hard for what I REALLY want. She knows how stuborn and hard working I can be but when we argue she denies it just to spite me. Why? I just don't get it. Even when I show her that I achieved something she finds a way to make it sound flawed and pretedns like it's nothing. Nothing is every really going to be good enough I guess.

I couldn't be bothered to read all that but I think that non vegitarians taste better

Graveyard.Crow · 02-27-2007, 10:14 AM

hahaha
naw too much cholesterol

xmorpheus · 02-27-2007, 11:35 AM

What is it you think your mother does want for you in terms of a future? You say she can't get past what she wants - what is it that she wants?

I can't comment on why your mother may be acting the way she is - and I'm also aware that we only have your side of the story.

What support are you expecting?

It's quite possibly she's simply scared. The entertainment industry is not the most healthy place in the world. I've had some peripheral involvement with it through friends and family - and it's truly nasty. You have to be cast iron to get anywhere - talent just doesn't count for very much anymore. The failure rate is huge - and so is the unemployment rate.

Perhaps she's hoping that if she puts you off now, you won't have to go through any of the pain and disappointment you inevitably will. A bit of pain now to save a lot of pain later?

Then again, maybe you're right and she's jealous. I don't know you and I don't know your mother so I can't say.

What I wouldsay is that as well as preparing yourself to go on the stage, you should seriously consider giving yourself marketable "backup" skills for the periods where work is scarce. (With one or two exceptions) Out of the hundreds of thousands of people who try to make a career in this area, no-one starts off famous. So that means that between auditions when you're trying to get noticed, you need to be able to earn money.

Secretarial skills are always in demand and there's usually a lot of temp work available which should fit around auditions etc.

Languages are also good. In particular if opera is the area you're interested in - French, German and Italian are all good options - they can forward your long term goal - AND give you something that can earn you money when you're still starting out.

Look into getting some training for secretarial skills and a foreign language. That should show your mum that you're not only serious about this - but that you're being practical about it as well and you're aware of what you're getting into.

It's just a suggestion - but look at it this way, even if it doesn't work on your mum, you're still ahead of the game with some marketable skills to tide you over during the "looking for work" phase of your career - so it's a win-win!

Graveyard.Crow · 02-27-2007, 03:38 PM

She wants me to do something solid like sales or anything in the business area. I am not saying I want her blindly to believe in me, but actually trying to discourage me is a bit much.
Thank you for the advice. Talent may not count for everything now days but whe you DO get that addition it gives you something to show.

HumanePain · 02-27-2007, 05:51 PM

Elvis Presley was a movie theatre usher before he became famous, the job helped pay for the hair cream!

ArtificialOne · 02-27-2007, 07:20 PM

Philosophy and marketing... now that just sounds dangerous....lmao

BLEED REBELION!!! · 03-02-2007, 10:33 AM

My mom has been pretty good about my dreams and stuff she doesnt say much bad about my dreams. But there is alot of yelling instead of yelling back just completly tune out what she's saying i've learned that pretending to listen and disregarding all the bull shit works best . Plus if you dont say anything back the speeches are not as long she'll shut up alot quicker.

Graveyard.Crow · 03-02-2007, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BLEED REBELION!!!

My mom has been pretty good about my dreams and stuff she doesnt say much bad about my dreams. But there is alot of yelling instead of yelling back just completly tune out what she's saying i've learned that pretending to listen and disregarding all the bull shit works best . Plus if you dont say anything back the speeches are not as long she'll shut up alot quicker.

well not always

CptSternn · 03-09-2007, 02:45 AM

The only way to keep others from changing your dreams and goals is to move out. I moved out at 16 and never looked back. Put myself through college, and went on to do what I was told I would never do.

We have a saying here in Ireland...

'Fuck the begrudgers'

Drake Dun · 03-09-2007, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CptSternn

The only way to keep others from changing your dreams and goals is to move out. I moved out at 16 and never looked back. Put myself through college, and went on to do what I was told I would never do.

Ditto that. DO NOT go to a college near your home. Move out.

Drake

Underwater Ophelia · 03-09-2007, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graveyard.Crow

So it's normal that my own mother puts me down? Well I will just have to prover her wrong now won't I?

Maybe she doesn't realize how hurtful she is. Try talking to her about it, it could help.