Whinge

[disorder]

This is a mindless vent, because I sorely need one.

Firstly, I have no one except you to vent to. I don't have anyone I can just go up to and say, 'Well hello there, this is shit.' All my friends are bundles of fun and make me laugh til I feel like weeing, but that means when ever I have something serious that's bothering me I can't tell them because they kill the mood and/or they don't seem to care. The thing that's got me most at the moment though is I haven't actually told anyone about Alex (my brother's friend). I haven't had anyone to tell and it feels like a nasty little secret that I hate. AND I'm not allowed to go to his funeral. I have to go to fucking school. Is it so much to ask to have just ONE DAY off school so I can say goodbye? Meh. School is shit too. It's too hard. I have so much homework I can hardly breathe, and I haven't got any time to do it in. And then I stress out when I'm in class trying to get heaps done, so I always miss things the teacher says, so when I DO find time to do the homework I have absolutely no idea HOW. Next year is going to be even worse, going to college. I still have to PICK which flippin college I want to go to. I can't choose, and all my friends seem to have made up their minds. I wish I could be decisive like them. And when I've finally decided which college to go to, I'll have to pick my courses. I really don't want to do maths, but if I can't figure out in the next few months what I want to do as a career, my parents are going to make me take flippin pre-tertiary maths in grade 11. I'm not smart enough to do that! I don't know how I've gotten along so well so far in school, but there is NO WAY I'll be able to cope doing flippin pre-tertiary maths. I really wish I could have a brilliant moment of clarity and realise my dream job, because right now I haven't got a clue. I really don't want to end up working in a supermarket for the rest of my life. On supermarkets, I haven't been put on the roster for over a month now, so I'm pretty sure my boss hates me. Also, my best friend told me she's depressed and that she tried to kill herself a few months ago, and now she says I'm all she's got, which makes me feel so responsible for her.

Right now, I just need my brother to come home and for someone to hug me and tell me I'm being stupid.

IUgbrgbripubgringvlkjfdbufukdiutdsxrtwtrs.

</pointless rant>

[HumanePain]

Poor girl. You do have a heavy burden with all of that going on in your life. And that sucks you can't go to the funeral. How did he pass away? Wish there was something I could say to bring you relief and make you feel better. I DO know that you are too gifted to end up in the market your whole life. :cyber-hug: We all love you disorder, just remember that ok?

[Tam Li Hua]

*hug*

That sucks that they won't let you go to the funeral.

On college: I know this may sound cliche, but even when folks pick a college and 'dream career', there's no guarantee that that's what they'll be doing ten years from now.

My best friend thought she wanted to be a psychologist. She went all through regular college and two years of graduate classes before she realized that it wasn't what she actually wanted to do at all. [This was pretty obvious, since she was miserable the whole time in graduate school.] Now, she's getting her art degree, and is working part-time at a clothing store, and she couldn't be happier.

I'm the same way. I thought I wanted to be in foreign missions, and I even got a degree in Biblical studies. Now, a little over ten years later, I'm working as a secretary for a small company that helps fix children's wheelchairs. [While I was overseas, I was miserable. But now, I'm pretty happy. ]

My point is: Don't stress about it too much. In college, they make you take a lot of basic classes before you take anything else anyways, so that can give you some time to decide. Or, you can tell your parents that you need time to decide what you want to do, and you don't want to spend their money on a college until you know what that is.

Just take your time, and remember that the joy is in the journey, and not necessarily the destination!

[disorder]

Thanks guy
He had diabetes, and he went into a coma. Eh.

I'm feeling a bit better now. I was just having a wemo moment. Wew.