I have another stupid question.

[CSSLZT13]

Why is it that women don't like any type of hard rock?

Okay...

I know, it's a dumb as fuck question, and I'm sure the answer must be clear as day, but I hate that it continues to escape me.

Allow me to explain.

I've never had a girlfriend for my entire 21 years, nor anything close. (Yes, I haven't "bumped the ugly," if you were wondering.) I have no real idea how love works, only a few perceptions based on different media. (Anyone heard the Haunted's "All Against All?") And I've never made any real attempts to search for it.

So what am I bitching about if I don't even make the effort?

Well, because it fucking bothers me how I can't share my music with anyone -- not my co-workers, not my only friend, no one, not even total strangers. And I feel very strongly about my music. In fact, so strongly that I don't feel I can hook up with someone that doesn't at least agree with my music.

Thing is, it always bothered me that most of the listeners to metal were male. Not that there's any problem with that, but seeing as how I feel this passionate about my music, I find it bothersome that the ratio so favors males that women who listen to this stuff might as well be nonexistent. I don't know, maybe here on the internet, they're around, but here in Puerto Rico, they're a rare sight.

That's the thing. The number one preferred choice of music here in PR is reggaeton. That's right -- the derivative infusion of bad rap and bad reggae that no longer bothers to incorporate any elements of the latter. And it is my least preferred sub-genre of music -- I can put up with pop and country for longer than this shit. Regular rap and rock are rare around here, heavy metal even further. If you ever wanted to go to a place where maybe 50% of the people you see on the street are dressed like overbearing rappers, look no further for your comedic relief. Therefore, going out to find a place that doesn't play reggaeton is like finding a black metal CD here -- sooner or later, you'll find it on your own, but if you don't know where to look, don't waste your time. What's worse is that the only rock clubs I know of are smack dab in the middle of the hottest area in the vicinity. (And by hottest, I mean as in, some poor sap gets mugged often.)

Okay, the women thing. Though I've met men that do listen to metal, I've yet to encounter a woman that doesn't listen to reggaeton, let alone any type of rock. In fact, probably the most popular rock groups among women here are Linkin Park and Evanescence -- and NO OTHER. Not Papa Roach, not Fall Out Boy, not Korn, not Red Hot Chili Peppers. LP and Evan. That's as far as they will go.

Okay. The two rock group-thing doesn't bother me much -- I figure, I can still listen to those for a while without getting annoyed. It's the reggaeton thing I can't figure out. Why the fuck do they all like that so much? All it does is glorify wanton sex and violence. And I thought women were against such issues! "But wait! There are many romantic songs in reggaeton, too!" Oh really? Then why do they always feature some asshole that's gotta rap violently after the singing guy? And why do you have the romantic stuff after the violent stuff, the stuff that demands you open your legs and eat the wall simultaneously?

And the weird fucking thing is, the lyrical matter doesn't irk me as much as the actual music underlying it. That's something I don't want to get into. If you want to find out what I mean, YouTube 'Daddy Yankee,' 'Wisin Y Yandel,' 'Don Omar,' 'Hector El Father...' Hell, Google 'reggaeton' and YouTube any of the artists there.

Okay. Now my stubbornness. Thing is, I consider my music to be an extension of my personal being. My CD player and my CD's are probably the things I value most outside of my own life and my family. I would say outside of my love also, but I've developed such a love for my music that I can't part with it. I gotta have my music. If she can't deal with me and my music together, I can't be with her. She's gotta get into bed with my music, too. Hell, we can have it off when we're makin' the lovin', but'chu gon' ruin it if you talk shit 'bout it!

Okay. Women. Few who listen to rock. Thing about this is, most women that appear that they listen to rock are already taken, even the ones who rate 4 between one and ten. Three and under, and they'll probably dismiss me because of some stupid reason. Any other women are probably underage and hooked on emo-metalcore, and I'm not about to blow my life on some middle school jailbait.

(Remember, no real experience, so I've no real idea.)

I've considered hooking up with a guy, but my prospects there are even bleaker. At least I've found women that like rock. Guys who have homosexual tendencies are practically required to listen to reggaeton. Fuck, I can take crappy techno!

Okay, before you give me the whole "Sacrifice" speech, allow me to say that I have heard it all before, and you're probably right. I'm being obstinate about this, and I may be placing the wrong emphasis on my [nonexistent] love life. But this is just how I feel. I can't be with someone like that if I can't share every part of myself with that someone, especially the parts that matter most to me. I am willing to do the same with someone else -- absorbing the parts of them that are most essential -- and even sacrifice my money, time, patience, and even sanity with him/her. And I hold nothing against the people that listen to or even make reggaeton for a living -- it's just the music I can't fucking stand. And I can't fucking stand it that I can't find any women (or gay men) that doesn't listen to reggaeton.

Yes, I know. I'm hard-headed, narrow-minded, and overly imaginative. And I'm looking for someone that won't hold me against it.

Okay.

[KontanKarite]

Ummm... There's a lot of chicks out there that listen to metal. Hell, they probably listen to harder stuff than you do. :-/

[drewsilla]

Maybe instead of looking towards the younger set you should find yourself an older woman. They are more likely to be less influenced by "emo".

Speaking also as a female, I do like me some Evanescence--but that's just me. I also like Korn, NIN, Red Hot Chilli Peppers and others of that ilk. You can also find country, industrial, trance, gothic and darkwave in my MP3 player. I'm very eclectic in my musical taste.

I'm sure that if you look around, and maybe venture away from your current living area, you can find yourself someone who can relate to the things you care about. They won't just fall into your lap, you know!!

[Pineapple_Juice]

I know it sounds stupid being posted on a goth forum, but defining a relationship based on music is really fucking petty. No offense, but maybe that's why you haven't had a ladyfriend.
There's more than one way to be shallow. How do you expect someone to try and learn to love your music when you yourself can't do the same for someone else?

[ionic_angel]

Erm...I don't think that he's exactly saying that people shouldn't be able to enjoy the music they want, just that he bemoans the fact that he can't find a woman who enjoys his kind of music.

And it is not petty, not in his eyes, and since the choice of a (for lack of a better term) marriage partner is a deeply personal and subjective one, I hardly see how you have grounds to criticize. Would it have been petty for Mozart to have refused to marry a woman who hated concerts? How about for Picasso to refuse to marry a woman who hated painting?

Whether or not the OP plays, music is his art, his passion. He isn't defining the relationship BY music, but he is saying that his music is an integral part of him, something that cannot be erased, something that he wants to share with someone else. What person would seek out someone who did not share their passions, their beliefs, and their interests?

[Pineapple_Juice]

I understand he's not saying that. What he's saying is "I don't feel I can hook up with someone that doesn't at least agree with my music", verbatim. If that isn't defining the relationship by music then I'm confused.





It's his right to be that way, sure enough, as it's my right to tell him he's being shallow. I didn't mean to offend him, I'm just saying that's probably the better part of his problem with girlfriends.

[Dark Clarissa]

My advice. Travel. Visit other places, go to events, gigs to listen to your kind of music. You will find that there are lots of women out there that like extremly loud/heavy music. I mean, I adore lots of metal bands as well as goth, industrial, classical and, on occasion (takes cover) pop. Also, remember that even if you find a girl that loves metal, it doesn't mean that she'll automatically like the bands you do. Good luck in your quest!

[Solumina]

Maybe you just aren't looking in the right places, there are plenty of metal chicks out there but a good deal of them don't look any different from the norm so it would take some searching and interaction on your part to ind them. Also as someone said before you may want to look at women who are a little older as they tend not to be as concerned with trends and are frequently more accepting of new things (including some hardcore metal)

[ApothoKeri]

Well I know a lot of women that do. *shrug*

[Noumi]

I didn´t even read the whole thing but I do like a lo of types of hard rock...
Since I was little girl my dad spended the whole day playing that music in the radio, so I got used.

[Apathy's_Child]

You don't need a woman who likes metal - just one who has decent taste in music (even if it's not yours), and is open-minded. I practically had to re-educate my girlfriend - it's not that she didn't like my kind of music until I brainwashed her into it, just that she'd never heard the music of quite a few of the bands/musicians like (including, if you can believe it, Tom Waits). I understand that you want to share the things you love with people - everybody does - but just because a woman isn't into metal when you meet her, doesn't mean she won't take a shine to some of the bands you like after hearing their stuff.

[CSSLZT13]

Man, this prick is so obstinate, I mean, WTF, shouldn't he just hook up with someone already and--

Oh, wait a minute. That's my post.

Seriously, though, thanks y'all for the feedback. There were a couple of things I neglected to mention in my rage. One: If you think of this music thing as a parameter of sorts, it makes more sense. Think about it. People do this all the time. They say they might or only hook up with women or men with X qualities, such as good teeth, a nice smile, sense of humor, appreciation for certain arts, et cetera and good night. Me, when I think about it, I just want someone that respects my music and doesn't put on a face of disgust upon hearing Behemoth or Deicide, or even more mellow stuff like In Flames or even As I Lay Dying.

Two: Pineapple Juice (That's some good stuff, believe you me.), I completely agree. Yes, I am a shallow, shallow person for rejecting potentially substantial relationships just because the majority of the opposite sex prefers not to listen to rock. Now do you mind if I ask you something? Do you honestly think I didn't already know that? I'll admit, in my rant, I sure as hell sound adamant as hell about hooking up with someone with a passion for this music as me, but when I really think about it, I just want someone that respects this aspect of me. Yeah, that's no rebuttal, but hey, I am willing to share the love around -- the whole 'metal respect' thing's just one thing. Plus, I'm willing to learn about new things -- just because I love metal doesn't mean I'm averse to other music and hobbies. Metal just enhances things for me. Like drugs, only this one's legal. (There's a reason why Naruto makes for good AMV material, folks.)

Though, yeah, I'll agree. I'm shallow. Sue me.

Three: Remember, I've never had a girlfriend before. I wouldn't know if this one thing is really the decisive factor to a successful relationship.

Four: I noticed that no one answered the question that started this whole thing. Can someone do me that favor and sate my curiosity?

[Tea and Cake or Death]

I have a question for you. At the last hard rock concert you went to, were there NO WOMEN at all to be seen? Next time you go to a show, find a cute girlie , and strike up a conversation.

[blackwater1110]

People did answer the question. They said things like, "I listen to it," or, "My friends do." Generally speaking, you'll find more fans of this music on this forum than in general society. There are myriad reasons why chick don't listen to hard rock as much as guys: they have never been exposed to it, they don't like it, it's too aggressive for them, whatever.

What you should do is hang out in areas where you will meet the kind of girl you're looking for. Do you guys have rock bars over there? It's basically a bar where they play some kind of rock. Go with your friends there if you do, your chances of meeting someone who shares your taste will be exponentially greater. If you live somewhere that has no 'scene' for what you want in a woman, let alone in a good night out, then you would have to move somewhere that does, or you won't have an opportunity to meet your 'type.'

I very much doubt that her liking the same music would be a "decisive factor" in a relationship. There are many other things that come waaaaay before musical tastes that matter in making a relationship last, one of which is simple experience. Toward that end, you should probably drop the music thing for a bit and get used to a) talking with women in bars, clubs, and bookstores, and b) try any kind of relationship with a woman. Not with the goal of getting yourself laid, mind you, but in gaining experience with our lovely female counterparts. That way, when you do meet a girl you like who also happens to like your music, you'll be much more likely to be able to meet her and have a relationship with her, since you'll have gotten all of the million-and-one stupid things guys do trained out of your system. And you'll probably have so much fun along the way that your musical tastes, while still being important to you, won't be as relevant or seem so important as they did before in relation to your (potential) girlfriend.

[Dark Clarissa]

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

...

Four: I noticed that no one answered the question that started this whole thing. Can someone do me that favor and sate my curiosity?

Wow! Erm...have you been reading the same replies that I have? Tell you what, next time you ask a question, I won't bother answering it. Not only have people answered your question, they have given specific ideas of how/where you might meet the metal loving darling of your dreams...**rolls eyes**

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

Originally Posted by Dark Clarissa

Wow! Erm...have you been reading the same replies that I have? Tell you what, next time you ask a question, I won't bother answering it. Not only have people answered your question, they have given specific ideas of how/where you might meet the metal loving darling of your dreams...**rolls eyes**

He asked WHY women don't seem to like metal, and all he got were answers of "They like metal elsewhere" or "I like metal..." or "You're too shallow."
Honestly, pay attention. :P

I think it might be that some women don't feel it's socially acceptable to like metal, or, as was said, haven't been exposed to it.

[Dark Clarissa]

Yes but the answer to his question is not a "women do not like rock because...x, y and z".

The answer IS that some women DO.

A question including a blanket statement that "women do not like rock" is not going to procure a satisfactory answer, as the question is making an assumption that is flawed. Same as asking why do men not like tomato soup.

Ipso facto, his question was answered as best it could be.

[Tea and Cake or Death]

Originally Posted by LaBelleDameSansMerci

He asked WHY women don't seem to like metal, and all he got were answers of "They like metal elsewhere" or "I like metal..." or "You're too shallow."
Honestly, pay attention. :P

I think it might be that some women don't feel it's socially acceptable to like metal, or, as was said, haven't been exposed to it.

This whole thing reminds me of this whole metal documentary I had seen.

Wait a min. Let me youtube it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=regoaIURzOc

...well, that's one part of it. I can't find this one portion where he talks about how Metal is mostly a male dominated, & why. But anyhow, that clip shows tons of girls in the audience. I don't know. It's just that this post reminded me of that clip is all.

[Catch]

You know, I think he may have finally asked a good question.

Sure I know women that like hard rock and metal, but not many. I'm not even that much of a fan. Every once in awhile I like a song or band, but you can't just turn to the hard rock radio station to make me smile.

[Pantherlette086]

I feel ya there. I've only dated ONE metalhead. The only metalheads that were into me didn't want a relationship. My husband can't stand metal and it sucks. He did go to see Napalm Death and DevilDriver with me though. It's hard finding anyone with the same taste. But like someone said you can always let them listen.

[DeathToLems]

Wow so do you really think that if you found a girl that likes the same music as you will really want to actually talk about it with you like..always. Jeeze even talking about music can get boring after a while.
Ok so you say you've never had a proper girlfriend maybe your standard for a certain type of girl are too specific. You might be looking at the wrong girls. If all you see is reggae ton girlie's you might want to try looking past them. Or maybe these girls do like rock but don't show it. and like most have said maybe the girls round your area don't know of the same music you like. And like other have said also. Find a girl that you like in another way e.g her style of clothing/ hair smile etc whatever and introduce her to the rock music bands you like.
Hell If it wasnt for me turning on the TV one day in Greece on a metal channel at the right time I wouldn't even know of goth/metal etc. Its all about chance and right timing I guess. but if you dont get of your arse and get out there looking (risk your skin and go to that club) for some hotties you'll never find her. Maybe the girl you do find doesnt know of the music you like so show her. Good luck with your quest!
Lets all put our faith into our man here on his journey to find the perfect chick!!
Go get her!

[Graveyard.Crow]

I don't know what you are talking about. I go to a small venue where local and not so local bands are booked. Last night I went to a hardcore show, and I am pretty sure at LEAST 50 % of the people were women/girls.

[Wednesday Friday Addams]

No such thing as women on the interwebs... oh wait

[le_revenant]

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

Why is it that women don't like any type of hard rock?

No there are plenty of women who like (and even love) hard rock.

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

I've never had a girlfriend for my entire 21 years, nor anything close. (Yes, I haven't "bumped the ugly," if you were wondering.) I have no real idea how love works, only a few perceptions based on different media.

"Bumped the ugly"? You mean nailed an ugly chick?
I just call it "sex"
Forget about the media teaching you about "how love works". Firstly the media don't know shite about anything except presenting one perception of reality (usually distorted) for entertainment purposes.
Secondly, you could read a library of books; watch a video store's worth of flicks ranging from Regency & Victorian romance to outright porn; and listen to every genre of music, and still not know how to simply go up to a woman and say "hi" without her perceiving you as a threat. You'll learn more by simply going out with friends and trying out a few chances to say "hi", than spinning CDs and hope for some band to grant a revelation.

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

...it fucking bothers me how I can't share my music with anyone -- not my co-workers, not my only friend, no one, not even total strangers. And I feel very strongly about my music. In fact, so strongly that I don't feel I can hook up with someone that doesn't at least agree with my music.

That's kinda stringent but I sympathize b/c, growing up, my music was VERY important to me, and growing up where I did I wanted someone else to groove to it like I did & see how good it was. From my own experience, however, I wouldn't advise ramming your music down anyone's throat. That only manages on turning potential fans against the music and, ultimately, you.

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

I find it bothersome that the ratio so favors males that women who listen to this stuff might as well be nonexistent. I don't know, maybe here on the internet, they're around, but here in Puerto Rico, they're a rare sight.

Its a small island, sure. Still, where are you looking for these women? In a bar that only plays Cuban or Puerto Rican dance music?

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

In fact, probably the most popular rock groups among women here are Linkin Park and Evanescence -- and NO OTHER. Not Papa Roach, not Fall Out Boy, not Korn, not Red Hot Chili Peppers. LP and Evan. That's as far as they will go.

And for some women, that's as hard as they will go. If you're looking to create a relationship with someone (either friendship or intimate) there's a lot of give & take involved so you'll have to compromise that the other person won't always be 100% into what you're into, and vice versa. You have to learn to overcome the differences and, possibly, even come to like their stuff!

And as a hard rock fan myself, I wouldn't consider Papa Roach, Korn, or the RHCP hard rock (tho they have decent material). Hell, the hardest of the hard bands from my teen years (i.e. mid-80s Slayer) would slaughter any of those bands like the Predator taking out a team of well-armed humans. Hell, I'd give good money to see Slayer NOW eviscerate Fall Out Boy

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

It's the reggaeton thing I can't figure out. Why the fuck do they all like that so much?

Women love rhythm, whether they're doing a Shakira impersonation on the dance floor, or bouncing & banging their heads in the middle of a crowd going ape-shite.
Forget trying to analyze the merit in music you dislike. No one is going to convince you of its merit and, most importantly, hard rock isn't exactly reknown for being lyrically sharp

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

I've considered hooking up with a guy, but my prospects there are even bleaker. At least I've found women that like rock. Guys who have homosexual tendencies are practically required to listen to reggaeton. Fuck, I can take crappy techno!

Dude you're like bleeding desperation here. And that may be part of the problem. Women aren't so receptive to guys who come across as desperate.
Incidentally, I like reggaeton and have no homosexual tendencies any more than when I go romantigoth to the nines.

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

And I can't fucking stand it that I can't find any women (or gay men) that doesn't listen to reggaeton.
Yes, I know. I'm hard-headed, narrow-minded, and overly imaginative. And I'm looking for someone that won't hold me against it.
Okay.

LOL!! Good luck!

[psyches_reflection]

Originally Posted by CSSLZT13

Three: Remember, I've never had a girlfriend before. I wouldn't know if this one thing is really the decisive factor to a successful relationship.

Erm... then why are you making such an issue of it? Why not give someone with different musical tastes a chance? After all, it's great fun to introduce people to new music, and they may end up liking it too.

Personally, I've never considered musical taste as a pre-requisite. Good relationships are based on friendship and chemistry, not your CD collection.