Self Harm

ShadowlineDreamer · 06-27-2006, 11:36 PM

I know there’s a thread on suicide not all that far down, but among other things, it’s pretty much been flamed to death from what I saw, and self-harm isn’t suicide anyways. No, it doesn’t mean you want to commit suicide but are too scared to do it, either. It’s not a cry for attention, in most cases, and when it is, that cry should be heeded.

I am a self harmer. I have cut, and I have scratched my wrist until it was essentially burned. I have also combined the two, and scraped at my wrist with scissors until I bled. I have often said I am an ex-cutter, but recent events have led to a relapse, and two recent episodes of self harm. Normally I wouldn’t announce this, but this is the internet, so you’ll never see me, and it also helps me show that I know where I’m coming from.

Self harm isn’t weakness. Self harm is a coping mechanism when all others have failed. It becomes an addiction, and your body quickly learns that self harm will improve your mood. I thought I’d be able to stop myself from getting trapped, but I was wrong. That, too, is not weakness. I struggle with it every day, and if I fail, am I weaker? No. I tried, and thus I am not. I didn’t know that I would have difficulty learning to cope other ways once I learned this easy one.

Those that resort to self harm for attention need that attention if self harm is the only way they see to get it.

Now to the actual whining.

I’ve seen a lot of people in the gothic community say that cutters make them look bad. Why in the world do you think that? Not all cutters are gothic, so it doesn’t make you look any worse than any other group that has cutters in it.

Why do people joke about going off to cut themselves? Don’t you realize that it might trigger those of us that might actually have a problem? The mention of self-harm, the sight of blood, the mention of blood…all of those make me want to do it again.

I wish I’d never learned that it might help. Now I’m trying to climb a hill where everyone wants to push me back down. I wish I could go into the kitchen and cut my skin, but all the easily accessible places are already marked. The others will be constant reminds, when they get rubbed against in everyday activities. I want to, I really do, and I’m still thinking about it. Give me ten more minutes and I might be bleeding again. Or I might win this time…I don’t know.

I’m sorry for the information bit at the top, but I thought I might as well bring up some of those points before I got responses that required me to state them.

Godslayer Jillian · 06-28-2006, 01:49 AM

Oh, but it IS a weakness. Any addiction is a weakness. Now, combine an addiction with self-mutilation and you get stupidity.
Cutters make us goths look bad because people think of goths as cutters.
I have never cut myself, and I have suicidal tendencies, so you can't say anything like "you don't know how I feel/what I've been through".
I have made three friends stop cutting themselves, so you cannot say anything either about not being able to stop.

disorder · 06-28-2006, 02:51 AM

You're right... It is an addiction.

But I found out that it hurts those around you more than it hurts you.

I found out the hard way.

Morrigan_Dubh · 06-28-2006, 02:57 AM

Self-harm is a weakness (you turn to it because it is easier than dealing with emotional pain in a positive way), and a real problem for some people. The problem is that somehow it has become associated with Goth and therefore there are a lot of idiots out there who cut themselves, not because they have psychological issues regarding coping with stress and depression, but because they think it is cool and will somehow make them seem hardcore. It reminds me of the Dandy Warhols' song ..."You never thought you'd get addicted, Just be cooler in an obvious way."
It is that kind of mindset that earns the contempt of the rest of us. Like you said "It’s not a cry for attention" but a coping mechanism that real self-harmers are ashamed of and try to hide. So those silly little kids who shout about how much they cut themselves as if it's a badge of honour are transparent attention-whores, and will always get treated with the derision they deserve. Anyone who is really looking for help, rather then validation, for their self-harm issues should go to a forum specifically for those kind of issues, where they will get help and support. They should not come on a forum with the word "goth" in the title. It will be counterproductive, because they will be either flamed or encouraged, depending on whether the forum they choose is populated by genuine people or skin-deep "gothic" types.

I'm posting this link because it is much more appropriate place to talk about this kind of thing:
http://www.facetheissue.com/community/

It helped me a little. If this gets deleted or I get banned for posting a link to another forum I don't care.

Godslayer Jillian · 06-28-2006, 02:29 PM

Morrigan, you are a goddess among deities.

TheCastrator · 06-28-2006, 03:03 PM

I've found so many people having a go at others for self harming for attention and going "Look at me, I'm so goth!".

The thing is, yeah, they make the general population think "Goths cut themselves" and all that. Sure. But I think they're dismissed too easily. They're harming themselves. Whether they're doing it because inside they have a tempest of emotions that they cannot control and etc. or because they want others to think they're cool is moot. Surely cutting yourself up for attention isn't a psychologically healthy thing to do.

Also, as a side note to "real self-harmers are ashamed of and try to hide" their self harm; that's not always true. I know a number of self harmers who are, more or less, open about what they do. To them, as far as I can tell, it's just 'one of those things'.

Morrigan_Dubh · 06-29-2006, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheCastrator

I've found so many people having a go at others for self harming for attention and going "Look at me, I'm so goth!".

The thing is, yeah, they make the general population think "Goths cut themselves" and all that. Sure. But I think they're dismissed too easily. They're harming themselves. Whether they're doing it because inside they have a tempest of emotions that they cannot control and etc. or because they want others to think they're cool is moot. Surely cutting yourself up for attention isn't a psychologically healthy thing to do.

I have sympathy for anyone who is an addict and wants to get help.

The problem I have with it is that there are those types who scrape themselves with the sharp end of a compass and then throw a fit of histrionics. It's shallow and juvenile. They wear it like a fashion accessory, same as their Tripp pants from Hot Topic. Even though it might hurt the people around them who love them. It belittles and mocks those with real pyschological issues.

Quote:

Also, as a side note to "real self-harmers are ashamed of and try to hide" their self harm; that's not always true. I know a number of self harmers who are, more or less, open about what they do. To them, as far as I can tell, it's just 'one of those things'.

Well, I guess if cutting themselves is "just one of those things" they keep it to themselves and don't advertise the fact. It's the same difference.

happy_dude · 06-29-2006, 03:54 AM

Self-harm is a weakness, your denial of this weakness is in itself a weakness. If you feel a need to inflict harm on yourself to cope with matters you should seek counselling.
This may sound high and mighty on my part but hurting yourself won't achieve anything except for pain. If you resolve the issue in a sane manner with whatever or whoever is causing you grief you can move on.

Good luck with life.

Lady Victoria Pareesis · 06-29-2006, 06:27 AM

Disorder is right.
The more hurt are you family and the people who loves you.
Think about it: you cut yourself, and your family and your friends can't do anything about it. But they want to help you.
And each of them feels miserable, and useless because they can't help.

I know you how hard it is to stop, but if you can't stop for you, do it for the people you love.

Besides, it's a pain in summer, wearing long sleeves, no skirts, no tops depending on the scars places...

Draconysius · 06-30-2006, 09:27 PM

I've cut myself once, and it hurt! Therefore, I didn't do it since. I definitely understand where you're coming from, though. When one becomes immensely depressed and hopeless, self-mutilation is sometimes an automatic reaction, a reflex. I don't know exactly why it comes in that form, but it could be a way of punishing oneself from the abundance of grief and self-shame, and it could be an attempt to experience physical pain, leaving the emotional pain dwarfed in its intensity. I've felt that way before (recently, even) but I find less destructive ways of quenching that desire. I agree partly with some of the other posters that it's a weakness, but for me, reflecting on past emotional pain can be an almost pleasurable experience. Someone once said that love and hate, and joy and pain are so closely tied to one another that there's hardly any boundary between them. Nevertheless, I don't fully understand why I enjoy reflecting on emotional pain occasionally, but I make certain that I know the consequences of doing so. I'll usually paint, draw, write, or compose music, sometimes without any pre-conceived notion at all. After the emotion is gone, I have actually accomplished something, and at the cost of nothing. In short, don't be a stereotypical emo. It's not flattering.

TheCastrator · 07-01-2006, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morrigan_Dubh

The problem I have with it is that there are those types who scrape themselves with the sharp end of a compass and then throw a fit of histrionics. It's shallow and juvenile. They wear it like a fashion accessory, same as their Tripp pants from Hot Topic. Even though it might hurt the people around them who love them. It belittles and mocks those with real pyschological issues.

Yeah, I hear about those people too, along with the straight-edgers who knock drinks out of peoples' hands and start fights about it.

Yet to actually meet either of those types of people, though. Nobody I know has actually met anyone like that either. Which is interesting because they're all over the place scratching themselves a bit, and going on about it.
Apparently.

I've met two people who, I think, self harm for attention(Or at least used to. It's been a while). One of them had(Probably still has, they were quite nasty cuts) a fetching array of deep, not so deep, light, and all in-between cuts and gashes. The other spent a night in a club with a lighter, and left slightly annoyed that nobody said anything(Of course, his point might have been 'nobody cares about each other anymore' but still; I say 'attention') about the fact that he was cooking his arm.

I know I appear to be coming across all pro-self-harm, here. I'm not. It's not nice. I know people who do it and I don't like that they have to. But I do recognise that they 'have' to. They make their own choices in life.

SweetAbsinthe666 · 07-01-2006, 08:54 AM

I've cut myself ever since I was 14 up until recently since I realized that its just juvenile to hurt yourself. Like who needs attention from you when you cut yourself like a poser moron? Real depression (and Bi Polar Disorder, which I have) actually isn't cool or funny or even enjoyable. In fact, I went up and down on my emotions like a person on cocaine. So if you believe that hurting yourself makes you cool, go to the shrink instead of going to the club with them.

romanticsuicide · 07-01-2006, 04:40 PM

I'm a cutter, and I don't usually parade that around but considering you guys have some very vaild points, I thought I'd throw my two cents in. I also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. Not that that excuses what I do, but it does help explain it. See, scientifically, cutting makes perfect sense. It gives you adrinaline, which releases a chemical called seritonine into your brain. Seritonine is a "feel good" chemical. So, you feel less depressed, angry, and hopless. But, when the adrinaline is gone, so is the Seritonine. Hence the nickname "temporary fix". Once you get so low, you'll do anything to feel better for just a little while. To have that weight lifted.

Lady Victoria Pareesis · 07-01-2006, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by romanticsuicide

See, scientifically, cutting makes perfect sense. It gives you adrinaline, which releases a chemical called seritonine into your brain. Seritonine is a "feel good" chemical. So, you feel less depressed, angry, and hopless. But, when the adrinaline is gone, so is the Seritonine. Hence the nickname "temporary fix". Once you get so low, you'll do anything to feel better for just a little while. To have that weight lifted.

I didn't knew that. But know, some things that did happened makes sense. Threee years after.
Thanks!

Infusco · 07-02-2006, 10:38 AM

It is actually quite shocking how many people self-injure. Here in South Africa, it's not a "Gothy" thing to do, as in the area I live, goths are virtually unheard of or something that only happens in the big cities or in America. Most people I know have or do self-injure, some for attention (which is so pathetic), some for the pleasure, and other's who don't recall doing it. I've found the more you try stop the attention seekers, the more they feed off your attention, and as soon as they feel you've stopped giving them attention, they cut a little more. I can understand why people do it, but I do think it shouldn't be done, especially if you do it because you're depressed and hurting, because it might end up going too far.

romanticsuicide · 07-02-2006, 01:03 PM

Your welcome, Lady Victoria. And Infusco, I agree. But it is an addiction. About as strong as someone who smokes two packs a day, then decideds to quit cold-turkey. It's hard. I'm trying to quit. I went from cutting every day, to two times a week, to twice a week, to once a month. I'll admit, I am in the middle of a relapse right now, simply because all the stress is causing my depression to worsen. However, I am at least trying. Which is more than I can say for some people I know.

SweetAbsinthe666 · 07-02-2006, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by romanticsuicide

Your welcome, Lady Victoria. And Infusco, I agree. But it is an addiction. About as strong as someone who smokes two packs a day, then decideds to quit cold-turkey. It's hard. I'm trying to quit. I went from cutting every day, to two times a week, to twice a week, to once a month. I'll admit, I am in the middle of a relapse right now, simply because all the stress is causing my depression to worsen. However, I am at least trying. Which is more than I can say for some people I know.

Speaking of going to cut myself again, I felt like I'm at the end of my rope. Literally....Last night, I was feeling suicidal again so I told my friend (sarcasticly) that I need a rope so I can hang my head. Luckily, as much as I tried to avoid it, I slept finally as the result of overstress that my body couldn't handle during the FireFall. But I'll admit that most of the morning afterwards, I was feeling like I kicked everyone out of my life as the result of the problems that I'm trying to face dealing with people that I shoved out of my face as well as the obsessions that I knew I had to control. Finally, my oldest friend did came over with some cappucino ice cream (anything that has to do with coffee ice cream actually gave me a lift every once in a while). Then I talked with her about why I didn't get ice cream to get the attention off the rambling obsessive thoughts in my mind about those two guys wearing messy hair under the caps at the church that didn't matter much in the first place as well as some changes that occured to me today. I guess that's why all of us need to deal with our problems the right ways without the help of self-harm.

TWISTEDPAGES · 07-02-2006, 07:06 PM

Some people cannot show their emotions so they show it through self harm, other just do it because that want to prove some king of unknown title that worth not a dime. some people do seek attention through this self harm and yes it should be help but some just don't want your help period so you worry about them to the point where you write pretend letters to the person as if he/she going to write back. I cut myself but I don't know why? I just do it to be doing it. I have no reason to but i do it any way.

Lady Victoria Pareesis · 07-02-2006, 07:26 PM

Twisted, maybe you could introduce yourself?
And pay attention to the caps in the right place, ponctuation, grammar etc... People are quite edgy about that here.

Magpie_Tendencies · 07-02-2006, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Victoria Pareesis

...ponctuation...

I assume you meant punctuation?

Lady Victoria Pareesis · 07-02-2006, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Magpie_Tendencies

I assume you meant punctuation?

Oh my gosh, the french lapsus stroke again

I did meant punctuation.

Irony is never far away from this forum, is it?

Magpie_Tendencies · 07-02-2006, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Victoria Pareesis

Irony is never far away from this forum, is it?

One of the many reasons that I love this place

Nardol · 07-03-2006, 05:25 PM

Hehehehehehe, Santarea! Give 'em hell.

the_ink_bleeds_faster · 07-06-2006, 10:41 PM

Its self harm, but it's also harm to other people also. I know, I've found that the hard way, unfortunatly....

Marko · 07-23-2006, 02:52 PM

I cut my self about 56 times along my left arm about 40 of them bled quite bad but the worst time was in school when i got a sharpener blade and cut deep three times which made blood pour from my arm into the sink in science class. i did that cos my friend wrote his name on his hand like a wierdo....
i was just testing and experimenting becuase i was bored.

i did it those other 56 times because i was again, experimenting (atleast thats the only reason i can come up with) i don't know why i REALLY did it yet. ( it wasn't for attension becuase nobody knew) theres no point to it really. It could be anger inside that you take out on your self for doing something bad or regreting something.