I Am The River.

[JCC]

Dip me in wax and whisper those perversions to me.
Sodomize this innocence.
Defile the fibre of my being.
I'm your catharsis.
I am the river,
Let me flow into you,
Irritate your mind like a red sore
And manipulate your Noospheric
Values.

Blessed be your pale cold sweat.
Refract through me.
I am the river.

As the sunlight fades it becomes ever more apparent
That your volatile psychological situation
Has reached a point beyond revitalisation.
I'm going to tease and mutilate your idiosyncracies,
Contort the darkest, deepest, disturbed desires of your essence,
I am the river.

[Apathy's_Child]

The only line I don't like is "I am the river" - it's in the title and isn't needed IMO. Without that (at least in the 2nd & 3rd stanzas), it's great.

Still, you know me......... cutcutcut.

[JCC]

I wanted it in the third stanza especially, I wanted to accentuate that rift between the long sentences that quicken the pace and the short, sharp reiteration of "I am the river."

I think I'll get rid of it in the second stanza, though.

[HumanePain]

I need to revisit this one, for some reason it flies right over my head. O_o

[JCC]

Rewrite; fixed the flow, ditched a cliché and sorted out the 'I Am The River' problem. Maybe this'll help, Humane.

I Am The River

Dip me in wax and whisper those perversions to me.
Sodomization of this innocence.
Defile the very fibre of my being.
I’m your catharsis.
Let me flow into you,
Irritate your mind like a red sore
And manipulate your Noospheric values.

Blessed be your pale cold sweat.
Refract through me.

As the sunlight fades it becomes ever more apparent
That your volatile psychological situation
Has reached a point beyond revitalisation.
I’m going to tease and mutilate your idiosyncracies,
Contort the darkest, deepest, disturbed desires of your essence,
I am the river.

[HumanePain]

Rereading it this morning it was obvious! I guess I was tired last night.

I especially liked "Dip me in wax", such a euphemism!

Please post more.