Colours.

[JCC]

Coffee in the morning
The strain of your own imprisonment weighs heavy
A daily routine of perpetual
monotony
Scratchingscreaming
RedBlueGreen
an itch You cannot
reach.
The metal box that forms the basis of your life
Dependance on the system
The artist that you always wanted to be
Milkman
Secretary
Red, blue and green
The walls are closing in.
A terrible disappointment.
Scratch that inner itch,
Id/Ego
Sense.
Allow yourself individuality
Unorthodoxy
SMASH
Old man; look out of the window and SEE
nothing.

[HumanePain]

Relevant and succinct expression describing our evolution into cogs in the machine. I found I could relate to it.

[Underwater Ophelia]

I like the style you wrote this in, but for some reason it doesn't appeal to me overall.

[JCC]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

I like the style you wrote this in, but for some reason it doesn't appeal to me overall.

I had that feeling also. It's why I posted it here. There's something about it that I don't like, and I seem to be unable to find it. I'm hoping that someone else can point it out and then I'll realise it. There seems nothing technically wrong with it, I covered all of the points that I wanted to, the rhythm seems fine and the stress on certain syllables makes me think this is one of my better SOUNDING poems, but I can't figure out what it is that makes it... flat.