I know I am still young. I'm only 27 yrs old. However I have wanted kids since I was 23. My first husband screwed my life over and traumatized me then left me. So I had to start all over with someone new.

Things are different. He's disabled, diabetic with a possibility of sterility. I love him so much that I am willing to live life without kids if we have no other options.

I just wish I could at least raise one child of my own. I doubt the government will let us adopt...

My husband couldn't make up his mind even if his life depended on it. He always has me make the decsions and puts me on the spot to pick everything we do.

Saying "i'll eat whatever" is very vague becuase I have to be careful what to pick. He's allergic to shellfish so most seafood places I can't go to, or cajun places that have shrimp might fry everything in the same grease.

Or when he can't decide what black shirt to wear..pick a damn shirt! That's why...

I've been having problems trying to determine what it is I am truly hearing or thinking sometimes. It mostly happens when stress hits me SO hard I start to hear a little voice telling me. "They lied to you" I don't have an intentions with this thought. I just dont' know why I am hearing it.

Maybe I still have a fear as I did when I was a child. I always feel alone, used, abused, and abandoned.

I don't even know what to think anymore.