Ask Jurgen

Metabolik · 08-25-2007, 05:20 PM

I am going to pretend to be Jurgen from the Metal Hammer magazine, if anyone recognizes it. Doesn't matter if you don't, Ask questions and hopefully within one day I will answer them with either witty sarcasm, seriousness...or just some random crap.

Saphyra Runa · 08-25-2007, 05:59 PM

You treading on Duckies turf.

{get's out the whetstone and eyes her selection of blades}

Metabolik · 08-28-2007, 11:32 AM

*cry's in corner for half an hour and fucks off somewhere to get drunk and stoned*

PutridLily · 08-28-2007, 11:54 AM

Oh, I know what you mean, I think.

Aiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeee???

Metabolik · 08-28-2007, 12:17 PM

YES! 'semlly english fuck ferret' or 'orange faced thundercunt'

Valrys · 08-28-2007, 12:25 PM

Ok, this could be amusing, lets gve it a go

Dear Metabolik/Jurgen
When playing live gigs (so untr00, I know) I keep impaling fellow bands members, people in the audience and technical staff upon my 15 inch spiked armbands. This has put me in a real dilemma.......how best do I clean their blood off my stage gear? I want it looking its shiniest

Metabolik · 08-28-2007, 12:31 PM

Become a vampire and the urge will come to suck the blood clean off. Your gear will look so shiney that chthulu itself will be blinded by it's beauty.

Valrys · 08-28-2007, 12:35 PM

Ah! But of course! Thank you for your words of wisdom.

Infernal Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeees to you

Metabolik · 08-28-2007, 12:38 PM

Neeexxxxtttt Pllleeeaaaeeeeeessseeee!!!!

honeythorn · 08-28-2007, 02:02 PM

Jurgen! What would you reccomend for the best weaponry polish? I don't want my swords becoming rusty!

maggot · 08-28-2007, 05:52 PM

I have Metal Hammer's first edition Book of Metal. It's hilarious. They called Blink 182 metal.

You may as well read Kerrang.

Metabolik · 09-01-2007, 06:29 AM

Honeythorn: I would reccomend average shoe polish, don't worry, it won't make your sword black...unless you leave it on too long.

Maggot: grow some balls...kerrang sucks.

Bete Noire · 09-01-2007, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggot

I have Metal Hammer's first edition Book of Metal. It's hilarious. They called Blink 182 metal.

You may as well read Kerrang.

On the whole, I'd agree. Although they do have a goth section which usually features a couple of decent bands. Unfortunately there's usually just a double page spread rather than a decent sized section.

They featured Frank the Baptist once. And wrote about 3 lines about them

Cunts.

I'm not a fan of Metalhammer.

maggot · 09-01-2007, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metabolik

Maggot: grow some balls...kerrang sucks.

Yeah, I know. That's the whole point.

At least they don't call Blink 182 metal, though.

PutridLily · 09-01-2007, 07:30 PM

Hi Jurgen! A cure for my headache???

Metabolik · 09-03-2007, 11:42 AM

Have a headache?...then FUCKING PUT UP WITH IT!..or you could mix some herbs and alchohol and rub it o your forehead, old indian recipe

but seriosuly I wouldn't try it if I were you.

Metabolik · 09-03-2007, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggot

Yeah, I know. That's the whole point.

At least they don't call Blink 182 metal, though.

What issue did they fuck up this time?
also i'm going to ask myself a question...jurgen, why am I so god damn nice?
Answer: because your a pussy...
...prick...

maggot · 09-03-2007, 12:15 PM

The Book of Metal (First Edition)

Even for a first edition, they should know better.

PutridLily · 09-03-2007, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metabolik

Have a headache?...then FUCKING PUT UP WITH IT!..or you could mix some herbs and alchohol and rub it o your forehead, old indian recipe

but seriosuly I wouldn't try it if I were you.

Um, right. Yeah, I'd rather have the headache.

Amarantha · 09-03-2007, 07:37 PM

Jurgen,

Where are all the hot girls around here?

Uncle Smoov · 09-03-2007, 08:32 PM

Drear Jurgen,
No one can come up with any good pwnage but me. Do you think you'd be able to develop some nice pwnage that could be a match for me? I completely understand if you'd rather writhe in your own squalor instead.

Yours Falsely,
Uncle Smoov

Metabolik · 09-04-2007, 09:02 AM

Amarantha: In my head...If I was a girl I would be super hot. I think they are all in Tha Duckmans bed.
Uncle Smoov: I have come up with a new word to describe how bad one guy on this film got owned cos 'owned' just didn't cut it. I think the word was 'crounged'...don't ask me why...it sounded hard core at the time.

Uncle Smoov · 09-04-2007, 09:13 PM

Don't even talk to me about croungage. I do that shit for a living.

Metabolik · 09-06-2007, 07:49 AM

How about, super duper ultra killer mangling?