Rant Thread - Page 105

TwistedKitsune · 03-23-2006, 07:08 PM

California weather has been psychotic, today it was over 70 and sunny, tomorrow it will be thunderstorms galore and mid 50's. That and, at least in central CA, we've gotten almost NOTHING BUT RAIN for TWO MONTHS. Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, but most of my family can't -work- in the rain (construction), and people are getting flooded out of their homes, not to mention that in the Sacramento area, our levee systems are in even worse shape than those in New Orleans. So ENOOUGH WITH THE RAIN ALREADY!!!

WolfMoon · 03-23-2006, 10:03 PM

EPS,

I'm sorry I didn't read this thread til I got off of work tonight.

I'm glad you're still with us after all that hell. You can't keep a good MOD down.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, Sweetie. If you need anything I'm just a PM away, love. You are stronger than I could ever be.

*HUGZ-N-SMOOCHEZ*

edible_eye · 03-23-2006, 10:18 PM

sometimes, i want to cry and i can't.

sometimes, i want to lash out and smash everything i see and i can't.

http://www.dynamicforces.com/images/HulkBust.jpg

sometimes, i want to ...

Demonista_Ravenesque · 03-23-2006, 11:21 PM

Edible Eye, sometimes I want to cry but I can't either.

*hugness*

edible_eye · 03-23-2006, 11:39 PM

thanx, little babe. hugs right back at you.

tenet_2012 · 03-24-2006, 12:10 AM

I need advice.

I don't where to start. So, I guess I'll just start at the beginning. I was born in Houston, Texas on Halloween Eve, 1981.

When I was born my mother was 17. My father was almost 30. My mother had been addicted to crack for years prior. My dad never really did drugs. He drank, a lot.

My father worked for the government as a contractor. He was working at Ellington at the time. When he was transfered in 1984, he left my mother and I. He said he would come back. He never did. I had hardly any contact with him until I moved to Denver.

Anyway, when my father left I was two years old. He and my mother never married. My mother continued to smoke crack on a daily basis.

Years passed and I learned how to survive on my own. My mother never did anything for me after I turned 12. My best friend Hillary's family basicly took care of me until they moved out of the city when I was fourteen.

I tried to get a legit job but nobody would hire me because I was too young and I was a ghetto rat. So, I had to resort to other things for money. That lead inevitably to drugs.

This went on until I was eightteen when I graduated high school (let me tell you, that was a miracle).

I moved out of my mom's house and moved to Dallas. I thought that I would be able to find a good job there. I was wrong. All I found was more drugs and more abuse. I stayed in Dallas until I was 20. I decided to get out of that life.

I went to treatment. I got clean. It was at this time that I found out that I was positive. I moved to Denver and started to attend The University of Denver.

When I was 21 my mother called me for the first time since I had moved three years before. She told me that she had gotten off crack and wanted to make amends. I basicly told her to fuck-off.

Now, you must understand my mother abused me physically, mentally, her "boyfriends" abused me, and my mother never showed me an ounce of affection. She neglected me and I don't think she ever wanted me. All of this for and because of crack.

So, flash forward to now. I am dying. My mother has been calling me everyday since I told her of my health situation. She really wants to see me again before I die. She says she wants to be my mother. We have been very civilized. I tell her what is going on in my life and so does she. I don't know if I can forgive her for all this shit.

I don't know what I should do. I need advice.

Let me get one thing clear, I am NOT looking for sympathy. If I was I would have told y'all this much sooner.

I need to know what I should do about my mother.

TwistedKitsune · 03-24-2006, 12:22 AM

I can't offer much good advice other than to do what you feel is right, and to keep in mind that you don't have to forgive her to see her. It even may be a very good opportunity to work some things out. Just know that whatever you decide is the right decision and don't doubt it, because it doesn't matter what she wants, it matters what you want.

*hugs*

Empty_Purple_Stars · 03-24-2006, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tenet_2012

I need advice.

Now, you must understand my mother abused me physically, mentally, her "boyfriends" abused me, and my mother never showed me an ounce of affection. She neglected me and I don't think she ever wanted me. All of this for and because of crack.

So, flash forward to now. I am dying. My mother has been calling me everyday since I told her of my health situation. She really wants to see me again before I die. She says she wants to be my mother. We have been very civilized. I tell her what is going on in my life and so does she. I don't know if I can forgive her for all this shit.

I don't know what I should do. I need advice.

Let me get one thing clear, I am NOT looking for sympathy. If I was I would have told y'all this much sooner.

I need to know what I should do about my mother.

I guess the only thing that really matters is what you, want to do..

This isn't about her.

What feels right for you?

Is there something positive to be gained if you let her back in your life right now?

Will you regret it if you don't?

Are you ready to confront her and or start to forgive her?

All of these questions should be answered by you before you do anything..

Make a list of pros and cons..

See which side is longer.. I've used that technique many times before..

But remember you call the shots here.. No one else. Especially not her.

I'm here for you, no matter what you do..

*pets the fuzzy spot on top of your head*

tenet_2012 · 03-24-2006, 03:08 AM

I know it is my decision. And I'll probably regret doing what I am going to do, but I have a big and forgiving heart. But I will regret it if I don't.

When I was younger she'd have times when she'd swear that she was done with the shit. And for a couple days it would be awesome. We'd sit around the house and talk all day. She could really cool. We'd cook and... just hang-out. I loved those times.

My mom is a 5'3" 120 pound U.S. national. She's firey and has a latina attitude... when she's clean... *sigh*

I miss her...

She wants me to go back to Houston for a couple weeks in May. I'll probably go. But if I see anything that has to do with that devil rock, I'm out of there.

It'll be a chance to see some old friends and possibly some new ones that I have made recently.

Thanks, E_P_S.

edible_eye · 03-24-2006, 06:16 AM

the best advice i guess i can give would be the words my own mother told me some time ago -

-------
there is no right or wrong decision - only a right and wrong way to approach the one you make.

once you make a decision on an action you're gonna take, tenet - MAKE that decision the right one.

there's no room for wondering if maybe you made the wrong decision. there's no room for doubt, once your mind is made up. that'll only serve to dilute whatever benefit you're able to achieve from the decision you've made.

give it your all, or don't do it.
---------

oh, wait - yoda said it much more succinctly, now that i think about it...

"do, or do not. there is no try."

03-24-2006, 12:41 PM

Tenet, I think it would be best to let it go. Considering your situation, what good would it do you to continue with all that hate bottled up inside. Right now it should be a time to make the best of everyday. That will be hard to do with this hate hanging over your head.

It's a VERY hard thing to let go of. It will take a lot of work and dedication, but you will feel so much better for it.

The thing is though, you can forgive your mother for everything, but that doesn't mean you need to let her back into your life. Forgive her and go on with your life. At least for now.

That's just what I think I would do.

Queenofdarkness57 · 03-24-2006, 01:18 PM

God, I'm so tired. I've been studying since 9 am non-stop. I finished all the Physics/Chemistry/Biology and History material for good. I have become so pale. No to mention, I had a fight with my 1 week boyfriend for not wanting to go out tonight. My life pretty much sucks right now I wish I was able to meditate.

Ben Lahnger · 03-24-2006, 01:24 PM

Tenet, you got it. You've got this nailed. I would have told you to forget her, that you can easily live the rest of your life with no regrets if you refused to see her, because of the way she treated you.

But then you said this:

"When I was younger she'd have times when she'd swear that she was done with the shit. And for a couple days it would be awesome. We'd sit around the house and talk all day. She could really cool. We'd cook and... just hang-out. I loved those times."

That last sentence made all the difference for me, man. Yeah, you should go see her. And if there's one hint that she's screwed up, get out of there. But if there's a chance that you can get some more of that loving connection that you two shared for those all too brief moments, I think you should grab for it. You deserve it. And let the past be the past.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 03-24-2006, 06:32 PM

Oh god, I feel so fucking sick. My body's been rejecting every bit of food I've taken in and I don't know why. It stays in there for a second before I puke it out.

It's nothing to do with an eating disorder, and I know it, my body's just gone weird.

End Rant.

03-24-2006, 06:44 PM

What about crackers and Ginger Ale Demonista? Those tend to calm a stomach and keep you hydrated... just make sure you make the pop flat first...

*hugs*

Feel better!

Demonista_Ravenesque · 03-24-2006, 06:53 PM

*hugness to The Dark Hot Angel*

I'm not sure, My body's been rejecting EVERYTHING, even the vitamin supplements I take...tis odd.

bunnicula · 03-24-2006, 08:09 PM

I have a problem. I'm getting addicted to Gothic.net. I have been reading it for 3 hours now! How do I stop? It's getting out of control! You guys suck for being so damn interesting!

bunnicula · 03-24-2006, 08:13 PM

Another thing: I've been debating that racist in the Prussian Blue thread for 2 days now. I can't stop. I was even thinking about it while riding my bike yesterday. I should be at the Sisters of Mercy show right now, but I can't afford it. They are charging 28.50 for tickets, and plus parking and drinks, it would be a $50+ night of going out, which will bite me in the ass later if I do it. Damn student loans.

Empty_Purple_Stars · 03-24-2006, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bunnicula

I should be at the Sisters of Mercy show right now, but I can't afford it.

The only thing MORE depressing than that, is finding out from you just now that the Sisters are playing here TONIGHT in P-town!!!!

Which is way too late to try and get a sitter, and get tickets.

I've been so jacked up lately, I hadn't even been paying attention to the concert lineup for March.

And I have NEVER seen them live.

I'm going to go break stuff now.

/ Implodes

bunnicula · 03-24-2006, 08:50 PM

I have never seen them live either. It sucks. But at least I can go to Deadboy and the Elephantment tomorrow night. That show is only $8! And I love Deadboy. They are from New Orleans, so I have to go and show my support.

WolfMoon · 03-24-2006, 08:53 PM

I was depressed that they didn't play in Houston!

There was no way in hell that I could've gotten a sitter and spent the money for a drive +tickets(+ other expenses) to either Dallas or Austin.

WolfMoon · 03-24-2006, 09:00 PM

Tenet, I think you should see your mom.

As a mother I can certainly sympathize with her obvious need to see you. She's made mistakes, some probably not forgivable, but you should see her. If for no other reason than to let go of some of the anger over how horribly she raised you.

Hopefully if you tell her that she was a bad mother she'll have the same reaction mine did. You're right, I was a terrible mother. I should've done right by you kids.

You don't have to forgive her, but it can be good to say those words to her face. "You were a bad mother."

03-24-2006, 09:03 PM

Sorry guys, I can't help but say this...

BUT I GET TO GO TO MY FIRST CONCERT JULY 11!

Ya, loser hasn't ever gone to a concert...

But it will feature:
Slayer
Lamb of God
Children of Bodom
Mastodon

*there is one more band but I can't read the script*

It's the Unholy Alliance Tour!

I'm EXCITED as FUCK!

bunnicula · 03-24-2006, 09:13 PM

^^ That is going to be awesome. I saw Slayer with System of a Down (and some other bands who I forgot) a few years ago, and last year I saw them on the Jagermeister Music Tour with Shadows Fall, Mastodon, and some crappy band that got boo'ed. It rocked! Some advice to you: get there early. Slayer shows are always so packed that you can't even see the band.

ExistentialDisorder · 03-24-2006, 09:23 PM

i won't be going to the sisters show in atlanta... i was planning to, but i don't have anyone to go with, so... oh well, maybe next time. but probably not then either.

you know your life is pathetic and pointless when the most exciting thing you have planned for your weekend is watching CSI on dvr and seeing how many episodes you can squeeze in to one night. i have 18 more to go.

I'm addicted to CSI...