LIES my parents told me!

[ennui]

My mom told me she had eyes in the back of her head. Not metaphorically, but, ummm like under her hair. I had my doubts, but damned if she wouldn't bust me doing stuff with her back turned. :O

Let's see...what else...

Oh Yes. My bread crusts also contained all the nutrition a growing girl could possibly need. I believed it but didn't really give a crap.

Swimming after eating would surely cause me to cramp up and drown. I never bought that one.

Oh, and thunder was the angels bowling. A long rumble proceeded by a loud crash still makes me think of that little myth.

All in all, nothing terrible. She's a good Mom. I consider myself fortunate.

My dad told me every year we were getting a pool and going to Disneyland in the summer. Despite the knowledge he was full of shit, I would get my hopes up. Oh, and him quiting drinking or at the very least not drinking when I visited per my requests was a repetitive life long lie that made me slice his sorry ass from my life for good.

Anyway, great thread.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Iriacynthe

Ooh, I do remember a lie my parents told me, I can't believe I didn't think about that before.
We had a lot of rabbits, and as we all know what rabbits are known for, there always came more rabbits. My mother regularly gave some of them to a friend of her, she told us he wanted some pets too. Some months ago I discovered he just wanted some free food.
The amount of rabbits that 'escaped' from our garden was also rather big, I wonder if they really escaped, maybe they also found their way to someone's plate. I should ask my mom, but in fact, I don't think I really want to know. I liked my rabbits very much.

My mommy once bought a frozen rabbit, she told me it was sleeping, so I took it out of the freezer and cuddled it. She caught me and took it away, and I never saw it again. She probably made me eat it.

[Kali Maxwell]

My father once told me that I would become deformed if I ate pickles, chocolate pudding, or bananas after midnight.

Then we watched "Species," and the little alien girl in it ate chocolate pudding just before she turned into this disgusting cocoon. My dad pointed at her and said, "See!?"

0_o And they wonder why I turned out so god damned wierd...

[Ben Lahnger]

Kali, if I was you, for the rest of my life that would be the explanation every time they complained about anything you did.

"Why on earth did you color your hair that color?"

"Well, you remember that time when you made me watch 'Species'?"

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Ariasola]

My Ma told me that babies came from under rocks , and that when i was old enough i would find a baby under a rock....

She also fed me this "Birthday Gremlin speil" The Birthday Gremlins would bring me gifts i were good , when i asked her where they came from she said the closet..needless to say i slept in the living room and was terrafied of the closet for a long time...

~A

[Sanctus Dei]

I'm not sure how they do things in Texas, but here in the midwest... when the letter 'I' stands unaccompanied by other members of the alphabet collective... it prefers...no, demands to be displayed in it's upright and adult position. Perhaps you could practice that for us darling?

My mother always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say... think harder."

[TwistedKitsune]

here I am, thinking about sleeping, and I remembered another one. My mom used to tell me all sorts of stories about the Sandman. That crud in your eyes when you wake up is totally the Sandman's fault, 'cause he sprinkles magic sand in your eyes to make you go to sleep, duh!

[Godslayer Jillian]

Here's a lie I might tell my kids:
"So you see, kids. If you believe in Jesus and read the Bible, you don't need to be good, because he saves by grace."

[Kraven Obscuria]

That everything is going to be ok.

[Godslayer Jillian]

That's not a lie, that's reassurance.

[Kraven Obscuria]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

That's not a lie, that's reassurance.

Hmm, a point to be considered.

[darkmartin82]

my dad never told me lies he but (like me) he often seems angry a lot when he really isn't. my mom on the other side told me lies about how school would be (every one of them) se never got it right, for it came all from her experience long ago. I did however worry me in the 5th grade what would happen at highschool. so I spent 2 years in agony.

school not being the only thing she lied about life in general was an other. always reassuring me all was okay to assure herself and preventing action being taken when it should. she isn't all that bad though and she does love me a lot, as does my dad. lucky me, but eventualy they both fucked up, and I don't really trust them to much for the biggest lie they (she) told me was that they would stay together all my life. altough I could sence the truth, they alway reasured me. I made the mistake of listning and believing for the question would never been asked when al is well.

[Ben Lahnger]

I'm resurrecting this thread because it was a good idea and ought to have another go-round.

Every Christmas Eve my father would start up the fireplace and threaten to keep it stoked very hot all night long so that old scoundrel Santa Claus would get burned up if he tried to come down our chimney. I always said, "Dad, quit joking about that!' But part of me couldn't tell for years if he was serious.

Also, my mom used to always say that because she had us kids she couldn't have anything nice, but as I look back on it now, she had lots of nice things!

Liar, Liar, parental pants on fire!!!

[SweetJane]

My mom's trouble has always been being unable to seperate herself completely from her Catholic heritage and being the secular person her rational mind wants her to be. So after having watched Monty python's Holey Grail since I was five, I was about seven when I said,

"Mom, what's oral sex?"

"It's... uh... it's MEANINGLESS sex."

I can't find the glass elephant now, but it was one of my favorite toys growing up, and thinking back, I think it might have been a piece.

My mom always used to tell me she was thirty, and I had never thought about it until I went to summer camp when I was eight, and I went "Hm. Then mom was 22 when I was born. FUCK! She was ELEVEN when Charlie was born?!" That was only the beginning of my horrible experience at camp.

That's just a few things, not to mention my dad and my brother, who I spent most of my time with after my dad was promoted from janitor to electrician and my mom finished her early childhood degree and they were both working non-stop.

[Lady_Alyce]

My mom pulled that "I have eyes in the back of my head" thing for a few years with my siblings and I were little. One day, I announced that I did not believe her and there was no possible way that anyone could have eyes in the back of their heads. She pointed to some random guy who had sunglasses lying on the back of his neck and said "Look, he has eyes in the back of his head!! Therefore, anyone can have eyes in the back of their heads."

[Pineapple_Juice]

I remember when my mother convinced me that any time I ate an entire meal, cleaning my plate, that somehow that same exact meal would be shipped out to the children in Africa. If I missed even one bite the starving kids wouldn't get any food from this meal.

Come to it, I can't remember if she told me that's how it worked or if she just said the whole "starving kids in Africa would love that meal" thing and my imagination took over.

Oh, and I don't know if this counts because it was a mutual effort from my mother and her twin brother, but my uncle was watching the Exorcist and it got to the part where the writing was on her stomach and they told me that's what happens to little girls who lie. At the time I was a compulsive liar and it scared the shit out of me.

[Jaye Jang]

If you frown your face will grow like that. (Stuff and nonsense!).

My favorite: "A whistling girl and a crowing hen,
always come to some bad end."

[Still Jack]

My mum always told me I'd get arthritis from being able to get my foot behind my head.

And my dad told me, when I was like 5, that the cats eyes in the middle of the road had two little gnomes in them that heard the car coming and one switched the light on, the other switched it off...

[Razeal18]

i win in the most pathetic way. MY mother told me when i was fifteen that if i had sex before i was 18 thay would charge us both with statutory ****. i didn't believe her until my grandmother decided to yell at me "well fine, get your ass stuck in jail , not like were gonna come get you" mind you i was still 15 at the time and it wasent untill a month or 2 later that my uncles gave me the truth. i have yet to trust a family member with anything scince

[Shattered Angel]

Santa / nuff said.

[gothicusmaximus]

I can't think of any real campaigns of misinformation perpetrated against me by my parents. When I was around three, my mom used to threaten that she'd punish my disagreeable behavior by sending me to live with a woman named "Mrs. Mean", but, while I usually responded, I never actually believed her, probably due to her lack of creativity in inventing a name for this original bogeyman.
I did work a pretty monumental deception on my little brother once. When he was pre-school age, the two of us were playing and came across a picture of him as an infant, wearing one of those full-body baby socks. Since his legs weren't distinctly visible, I decided to remark "oh, hey, this was back when you had your tail." "I had a tail?" He replied, bemused. "Yeah," I said, "all babies have them. It helps them squirm out of their mommies. Once you get older it splits off into legs, kind of like frogs and tadpoles." At this point my mom walked in, and asked, "What are you guys talking about?" I answered, "I'm telling gothicusminimus about when he had his tail. You know, how all babies have a tail for a little while before it splits into legs?"
My mom ruminated for a moment, then said, "oh, yeah."
We kept this up for about 10 years. Then, one day, in the third grade, my brother was telling his class a story and began the narrative with "back when I still had my tail..." The teacher summoned my mother to a conference and pretty much called her a psychopath.

[Ben Lahnger]

Ha ha ha ha ha! That's brilliant!

[Still Jack]

That, is in fact, quite a majestic feat.

[Anarasha]

Santa is always a good one.
But the one that meant the most to me was when my parents told me that if I sat too much at the TV, my eyes would turn square :P I spent years sitting a lot at the TV because I thought that square shaped eyes would be cool :P
Or when I was only a little kid, they had me believing that Disney's The Little Mermaid was real because I was heartbroken after having dropped my favourite Disney drinking glass thing into the water at one point :P

[Catch]

My mom said life gets better.