Twilight Glistening

GalacticG · 08-01-2006, 07:11 AM

Okay well this is a story I've been working on for a long time, it sort of has a gothic theme but not really, so just enjoy it and critisism is welcome and very much wanted.

Twilight Glistening

Intro

“Oh Gawd, ick…” Brenna coughed up some oil that had fallen in her mouth and chucked a wrench to the side sliding herself out from under her small fighter.
“Son of a, damn you Pepin! Just ruin my fighter why don't you!” She choked, spiting out some oil.
“Oh, hey Aloysia, going on? Didn’t see you come in.”
“Oh nothing. Just bored…” Her voice was soft and had a hint of passion in it. Brenna watched as she trailed over to the fighter and ran a finger across it admiring the new paint job she gave it the other day.
Brenna proceeded to get up and dust herself off and throw some kitty litter under the fighter to soak up the oil spill.
“Bored? Spend a day in my shoes and you’ll be wishing you were bored.” She smirked and mopped up some oil that was creeping away; looking back up at her and wondering how in the world she could be bored. She didn’t understand her. It’s almost like she’s not sure what to say around her.
“Oh, and tell that clown if he touches my fighter again he’s gonna’ wake up with an engine rod up his ass.” Brenna scoffed
“Alright, and, who in galaxy would want to spend a day in your dirty combats.” She stuck out her tongue and teased Brenna as she walked off and went to deal with Pepin.
Chapter 1
Brenna

I’m not sure why, but, Aloysia swayed her hips more then usual, as if there was a guy watching, and made her “walk” as sexy as possible. I looked around to see if there were any guys, but that was stupid considering there were only four men aboard this ship, and three of them were in the kitchen and the fourth one I’ve no idea where. Strange person Aloysia can be at times… Oh well. After finishing this up here I can get started on fixing the brake pads on our Planetary Buggy. I love that thing, reaches speeds up to 250 mph, provided you don’t hit a rock and break exiting velocity and shoot yourself into space.
I shifted gears and smashed the gas pedal racing upwards across the vast surface of Europa. It’s cold bleak icy surface gave poor traction, but I still managed. The surface was very smooth, smoothest in the solar system. I clicked on the music player, once called a radio, but now no longer used as one. Pressing a few lit up blocks on the touch pad LCD. The Unforgiven II by metallica started to play. A very old band from long ago.
“Brenna… Brenna… Brenna!” a voice coaxed at me.
I was startled and knocked over the wash pale sending a cold toxic mix of oil, fighter fluids and soap water all over.
“Eh. What?!” I said rather confused
It was just Sileh, I must of spaced out.
“Aw look what you made me do…” I said in an almost baby voice.
She giggled and asked if I’d seen Dawkins anywhere, she needed someone to move a rather large object in her room. I asked her what it was but only got silence and told her I’ve not seen him. She turned and pranced off to the intercom room.
“Ug, with all these interruptions I’ll never get anything done…”
I looked to the clock and cursed, dinner would be ready soon, and I still haven’t even started on the brake pads. Time, always against me.
After an hour or so, I was not really sure, time seems to go by so fast when your in space, I had finally finished the brake pads, I ended up needing to replace them, and was lucky the ships part synthesizer had the model number and blue prints of our buggy. I still wonder about this ships past. It has a lot of really fancy tools for just being a light cruiser.
I’ve yet to ask Aloysia where she got it. I did once ask her why it said USR on the side, and what that meant and how come she knew so much more about the past and the Twilight then I or anyone, considering the Twilight was about 100 years ago. All I got was “It’s a nation of a forgotten time, you wont understand.” All I know about the twilight, was that it happened 100 years ago and that it involved a very large war and over ¾ the Earths population died within months from the massive guns used in the warfare. Since then the Galaxy has turned to total anarchy. With no one to tell people what to do, they just kind of set up there own places thru out the galaxy and soon a new way of living was developed.

GalacticG · 08-01-2006, 07:14 AM

Chapter two

"Brenna! Get up here and have some dinner, its getting cold!" The intercom burst to life with Jakons' rough voice.
Rolling out from under the buggy I glanced at my neo-teky dark red time keeper, Aloysia said they were called "watches" at one time and I thought that was silly, why would anyone call it a watch? What do they do, watch it all day or something? How boring, but, that’s irrelevant now, I’m late. Dinner starts at 21:30:00 and its 22:30:45.
As I made my way to the kitchen I saw that Sileh was guarding the entrance to her door.
“I’m waiting for Dawkins, he said he would meet me here.” She stated without me even asking…
“I wasn’t gonna ask why…”
“Yes you were!” she cut me off with her annoying childish voice.
“No I wasn’t…”
“Well whatever… if you see him, tell him to hurry up!”
“Yeah sure.” If I see him… Humph.
I continued on my way to the kitchen taking the stairs, I don’t trust gravity elevators.
“Try some of the potatoes Brenna.” Jakon’s rough voice again.
These potatoes are good, Jakon grows them from the Hydroponics Deck, he takes a lot of pride in cooking and growing food, which is a little weird considering he’s not the type you would expect to see bent over pruning vegetables, not that I look at him that way or anything.
“If you had been here on time they would have been better.” Jakon’s voice was dry and sarcastic, I didn’t like that.
“Well if some people would leave me alone while I’m down there I could get done on time…”
“Brenna, You’re never done on time.”
I just chuffed and finished my plate, pushing it aside and looking about the so called “dinning room”.
A large metal table bolted into the ship’s floor rose up from the center, around which wooden chairs, not real wood, fake wood, real wood was too expensive now and damn near extinct. The walls were a dull gray metal and rather depressing, or at least Sileh thought so. I didn’t mind much, personally, anyone who stares at a wall long enough to say its depressing has issues. Lighting came from built in LED lights that somewhat lit the room. At any given time the entire ship could be lit up like a Christmas tree, each room filled with bright lighting, no dark crevice would be saved. But that was dangerous, as that gives off a large energy signature, and we don’t want to attract attention to ourselves.
Back in my cabin, I laid down sprawled over my bed looking out the small port hole next to it, there wasn’t much to see, few stars here and there. Rolling over to look at my holographic clock I realized how late it is.
“You should be sleeping Brenna.” The clock responded to my sorrowful look at the time.
“Look who’s talking Sami…” I scorned
Great this is all I need, my perverted female clock telling me to go to bed…
“I’m downloading updates.”
“Sure you are, you just want to see if I’ll get up and change into PJ’s.
“And your point is?” Sami laughed and changed to a passionate red color.
“My point is this.” I said with much delight.
Chucking my blanket over the clock, I walked to my dresser and began changing. “Hey, now that’s not fair…” Sami wined.
Yup, that’s my clock, Somehow Pepin reprogrammed its AI to be perverted and I don’t know how to fix it.
“Ha ha, you’ll never learn.” Giggling, well, that’s not something I’ve done in awhile. Once I was changed I sat back on my bed and stared out the porthole, removing the blanket from the clock, the time filling the space above it once again.
“Oh… Pink thong tonight? That’s quite a change from your usual red and black.” Sami said with much added pleasure to her voice. I only groaned and stared intently out the port hole dreaming.
“What’s that?” Sami said quixotically with a green question mark taking the place of the large cubed numbers that displayed the time.
Suddenly the whole ship shook violently and the lights went out.
“Frack, what the hell was that?”
My room filled with the red of emergency lights as the intercom suddenly was screaming and filled with many voices, but one dominated them all, Aloysia’s.
“All hands on deck, Everyone, to your battle stations!”
Without thinking and without a hitch I raced out my door in my pink thong and tight black undershirt racing to the upper decks.
“Keep that ass moving!”
Embarrassed I whirled around just in time to catch Pepin duck into the elevator snickering. Racing back to my room, I pulled on a pair of pants that were on the floor and raced back out and up to the deck, running along side me was Gailea and Gerald.
“Where have you two been?!” I asked, still running.
“Well I was in my room studying until…” Yup, that’s Gailea, always studying.
“And you Gerald?” I looked to him.
“I was busy.”
I stopped and looked at him with a cocked eyebrow as they both ran up the stairs, He also stopped
“What…?” He said confused.
I just shook my head and ran past him.
“OH! That’s disgusting Brenna, I don’t do that!” He chased after me, ha ha, sure he don’t….
“Sure you don’t.” I cackled all the way to the top, but stopped once we reached the bridge with everyone else. Everyone was shouting and barking orders and the main screen was a flash of brilliant colors as our shield took a heavy beating.
“What the hell is going on Aloysia?!” I had to yell to be heard over all the gunfire.
“Brenna, no time to explain, get to the Gattling cannon!” Aloysia Barked.
Lost and somewhat confused I hopped the upper bridge railing and dropped to the lower bridge rolling and springing at a small hole just big enough for me to fly in as the doors behind me whipped shut with a hiss, barley missing my feet.
Once inside the small cylindrical completely white room I crawled forward a little and gripped the controls for the XMS22Z Gattling Cannon. Oh it felt so good to grip the duel joystick, so much power at my hands… Ok, come on Brenna, stay on track, radio Gailea and ask what the hell I’m supposed to be shooting at.
“Gailea, what are my targets?!” I need not yell, for the microphone boosted my voice just fine, but it was impulsive.
“Starboard left, 33 degrees.” Gailea said quickly.
I mashed a red button on the right side of the duel joystick and a 360 Degree wrap around image filled the room, graphically representing the ship, and the space around it. Honing in on a red dot starboard side I pulled the triggers and grinned almost pleasurably as I saw the ammo counter on the stick begin to go down from 10,000 in increments of 50 per second.
2 hours later, 7000 rounds, 32 rockets, 10 missiles, and 6 capital torpedoes later we were taking a heavy beating and my fingers, hands and arms were becoming numb from the constant, Pull trigger, rotate, pull, flip, rotate, pull, trace, follow, pull, kill. Pull. Trace, Follow, Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.
“What the hell are these things, they just keep coming. Mind you they are easy to take down, but they aren’t like any ships I’ve ever seen!” Dawkins exclaimed.
“Aloysia, We’re taking to much fire, we can’t kill them all.” a voice to muffled by static to clarify whose it was.
I just kept quiet and fired.
Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.
Finally I was starting to complain “Jeebus, they just keep coming!” Suddenly the commanding voice of Aloysia broke above all the chatter
“Everyone shut up. Ammunition check Brenna”
For once, I actually glanced at my ammo counter and replied spitefully “I’ll be shooting blanks soon if we don’t get some more and we are out of rockets and missiles as well.” I stated the obvious
“Gailea, open a level 5 warp hole and get us out of here.” Aloysia barked.
I stopped firing. Level 5?! Holy crap! That’s just not safe. Everyone was silent except for Gailea.
“But, Aloysia, that’s a 25% survival rate.” Gailea was complaining in her usual whiny voice.
“I know the damn rate, just get us the hell out of here, do you want to die?!”
“No.” Gailea finally stopped complaining, the thought of death had not occurred to her probably.
“Then do it!”
“Yes.”
“Why the hell did everyone stop firing?! Keep shooting damn it!” Aloysia, more barking...
Gun fire resumed, as did I, but, I knew what was on everyone’s mind.

GalacticG · 08-01-2006, 07:16 AM

Chapter 3

Blink. A flash. Light. Dark again. A face, a familiar face. Darkness again. Screaming. The shrieking grinding and crushing sound of metal. Darkness again. Sand. Sand? What the hell… I opened my eyes once more, hopefully for a lot longer then before. Looking around, I noticed I could barley move. There was a lot of yellow sand around me. Above me was what looked like the starboard wing of Twilight towering at an awkward angle burrowed into the ground. There was very little light. What light there was, came from my watch, and from sparking wires. Why am I outside the ship. Suddenly I came to my senses and panicked, jerking up quickly, but only to have my head meet a chunk of metal sticking out of a stony wall that surrounded me and this dark place.
After waking again it was even darker, I estimate I was out for at least an hour. Remembering the chunk of metal sticking out of the wall that’s behind me, I slowly got up and tried my best not to panic.
“Aloysia!? Pepin?! Anyone?!” Of course calling for help did no good, from the looks of it we’ve crashed.
I looked down at my legs. My pants were mostly gone, all that remained started from the end of the zipper and went to my abdomen, My pants are now a mini skirt… “Well, well, well, how do you always manage to loose some part of your clothing Brenna?” Sami spoke abruptly.
Startled by the voice I cried out somewhat.
“Jeezus’ Sami!”
She was half buried in the soft sand only a couple feet from me.
Slowly I began to pick myself up, amazingly I was untouched, save for a few scratches here and there along my left leg.
“What happened?”
“We crashed”
“I can see that Sami, what I mean is, I don’t remember anything. The last thing I remember is flashing red lights.”
“I don’t know what happened either Brenna babe, when I fell from the Twilight, most of my memory banks were erased upon impact with this sand, fortunately its soft. “How the hell do you fall out of the Twilight?!”
“Best I can guess is when we came out of the warp hole we must of hit something.”
I stood and looked around the darkened cave, or at least I think it’s a cave. I couldn’t see much, but I could see a tunnel at the far end, with ten or twelve U shaped ridges starting from the ceiling and ending at the opening, the cave seemed very old and much of the surrounding rock was already crumbling. Above me was a large hole about 300 feet up, in which moon light pierced like a dagger. The Starboard wing must of come through there at a Forty Seven Degree angle, as it was buried deep in the soft sand, much of it hidden. Sami was set into the sand somewhat covered and rather dusty. The 3D cube image above her disc shaped core is a yellowish color, deep and vibrant, signaling she’s more worried about our current situation then interested in my new mini skirt. Her core wasn’t more then 2 inches thick and was half the size of a regular Frisbee, she looked a lot like what people used to call a CD Player.
Absently I walked over to the wing and placed a hand on it. I jumped back as it was sizzling hot to the touch, this also caused it to settle and tilt more.
“Careful Brenna!” Sami spoke up with a deep red colored cube picturing an exclamation mark in the center.
“Whoa, that was hot, guess I shouldn’t touch things…” I said.
“You can touch me all you want babe.” Sami replied with a passionate pinkish red color.
I ignored her for now and looked around more: There was a large piece of scrap metal sticking out the side of the wall I had awoken from. I rubbed the spot on my head where I had hit it. The moonlight was getting brighter by the minute, I’m guessing this planet rotates very quickly, in that case, it should be day soon. If its even a planet. I leaned forward looking through the hole and whistled. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something glisten, and it was then I realized the entire cave was covered in brightly gleaming silver jewels. For a moment my heart fluttered and I started to run towards the wall but tripped on a piece of scrap metal and ate dirt.
“Smooth one babe.” Sami cackled with a pink color, showing she was very much amused.
I groaned and scorned Sami pulling myself up off the ground and kicking the metal roughly to the side. My heart must of sank about two light-years when I suddenly realized all the “jewels” were just shrapnel from the crash.
“Brenna…” Sami beckoned sweetly
“What?” I replied scornfully
“Pick me up please, this dust is getting into my circuits” Sami’s color being a mixed blue and passionate red.
Solemnly I walked over carefully, avoiding as much of the sharp glowing metal as possible, and scooped her up clipping her to the side of my belt, surprised I still had that much. Her 3D cube of color and images disappeared and a little LED screen on the side of the disc, facing me as I look down at it, lit up with a passionate red shade.
“Thank you babe.” Sami said with a sweet, almost innocent voice.
I only mumbled and pressed a few buttons on her side “Damn, you’re radio must have been knocked out”
“I could of told you that.” Sami replied sarcastically
“You know what Sami, if my mother hadn’t given you to me and if you we’re not so important to me, I would toss you with the scrap metal…” A tear welled up in my right eye as I remembered my mother.
“I’m sorry, Brenna, I’ll try to be more helpful, I didn’t mean to make you bring your mother up, are you ok?” Her LCD screen turned a pinkish red color as her smooth voice rolled over my ears. Slowly I brought myself to my knees and pushed some scrap metal out of the way and gripped some of the odd sand pushing it into the moonlight cascading down through the cracked and broken opening and was surprised when the sand glistened brightly a blueish green color and slowly began to glow.
“Whoa, would you look at that. It’s so pretty.” I said in whispers, and not knowing why.
“That’s odd, how come the same sand around us isn’t doing the same?” Sami said with a slightly concerned voice and yellow color.
As soon as she finished her words the glow faded from a bright all around glow to only a few central spots dimly lit. One of the spots began to twist and contract in strange ways not quite explainable until the bright glow was inches from my face and that’s when I realized it was not a spot, but a long skinny glowing tube of flesh with a single bright, well its not an eye, but, one could assume it is used as one, point. Still dazed by this I stared into its bright point and began to hear thoughts that were not of my own. Brenna, we, I, Us, welcome you and your strange disc. Yes, we do. Me, and I. And her! I shook my head hearing many thoughts of different tones at once and closed my eyes. Hush now others, you are confusing her, she cannot process as much as we, I, us at once. Who are you? We, I, him, her, they can not tell you my, mine, his, I, our, her, name for you will not understand how to speak or hear it, it is not so much a name or a sound as a thought or entity. The voices spoke in separated words, not sentences, just words from many different tones of voices, I assumed they, them, were acting as one entity yet separate and individual.
“Brenna, what are you doing?” Sami scorned with a red screen.
“Shush! I’m speaking to them.” I scolded.
Your disc does not seem to hear us. She doesn’t have a brain, she is only electronics. We, I, he, she, they know this. What can I call you if you have no name? We, I, he, she, they, us, do have a name, but, you will not understand, you may call us the Moleculost. Alright, Moleculost, I am lost and. I was cut off by flooding thoughts that caused me to convulse and jump back breaking the apparent connection when no more thoughts occurred to me.
Grunting I uncurled and spread my hands about the odd sand quickly, searching for the Moleculost again. After about five minutes of searching I gave up and was starting to get tired of Sami’s consistent requests to know what is going on. I explained to her about the thoughts and discussed with her what they might be.
“Well, Brenna, I’m not sure, but I took a scan on them while you were, uh, “connected”, with them and my results show that you had increased brain activity and use, beyond the normal 10% for most humans, but it spiked to over 90% and that’s when you convulsed and fell back.”
“That’s odd, they must of have some ability to expand normal brain operation with anything it comes in contact with.”
“You called it an it. I think it’s a they.” Sami remarked teasingly.
“Well I only saw one, so I’m calling it an it.”
I didn’t have time to argue with her again, I’ve crashed on what appears to be a planet with a very bright moon and I have a strange tube like creature trying to connect with me.
[The rest is unwritten, I'm having writers block, so ideas and suggestions welcome. and thanks for reading.]

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-01-2006, 08:30 AM

Hey, this is really good. It captures the imagination nicely. I likle this a lot. The whole space theme is cool. Hmmmmm.....as for suggestions, she could find one of her shipmates maybe. I dunno really, but something could happen with that, maybe they have an increased brain activity too.

GalacticG · 08-01-2006, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crying_Crimson_Tears

Hey, this is really good. It captures the imagination nicely. I likle this a lot. The whole space theme is cool. Hmmmmm.....as for suggestions, she could find one of her shipmates maybe. I dunno really, but something could happen with that, maybe they have an increased brain activity too.

Well thank you and I was thinking about that. I'll try and write more by the end of this weekend, I.E. Sundayish. School starts again soon so I'll have less time.

GalacticG · 08-05-2006, 05:52 PM

Bad news and Good news. Bad news is I'm beyond sick and practicly jokeing on Phlem. Good news, means I got to skip out on work today and its going to give me more time to write in my story tonight, So I might have some more for you to read later on tonight.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-06-2006, 08:10 AM

This is bad and good news. I'm sorry you're sick. But this does make me happy in a way. I love your story and I am anxious to read more.

GalacticG · 08-06-2006, 03:17 PM

Chapter 4
Leap of Faith.

I gave the area a once look over again and studyed the arched doorway with the U shaped ridges once more. Running my hand across the ridges cuased some of them to crumble a bit showing how old this place was, must be at least thousends of years. Carefuly I edged a foot up to the doorway and peered inside: What I saw was complete and utter darkness for what seems like miles, there was no end to this darkness except for another moonlit doorway about 10 or 15 feet straight ahead that looks like it leads to somewhere outside. I echoed off a whistle.
"Wow... it just keeps going and going uh?"
"Apperntly light is not strong enough to penetrate here." Sami noted.
I sighed and turned back to the cave looking for another way out. The walls were to old and crumbly to try and climb to the top, and the wing was still glowing and pulsing.
"It'll take days for that wing to cool off." I said with a depressive voice.
The wing shifted again and began to teeter on edge for a few moments
"That wing is going to come down and crush us if we don't find a way out Brenna." Sami expressed with great urgancy.
"Looks like theres only one way out." I said remorsefully
Taking a deep breath I slowly walked to the back of the small cave: I was directly in line with the doorway.
"What are you doing Brenna?!" Sami exclaimed with a yellow screen.
I ignored her and took once last deep breath feeling the cold brisky air rush into fill my lungs and run through my bloodstream, inhaling the now appernt stuffy smell of the sand and charred metal, almost like wet cardboard. I took one last look at sami, pressing a few buttons and soon she lit up brighter then a magnisium flare, clutched my fist together and broke off into the fastest sprint I've ever been able to manage using as much of the small amount of ground there was to pick up speed and when my foot hit the edge I lept into the air with all my might and possibly a bit more. Soaring threw the air everything seemed to be in slow motion as I brang my hands up slowly ready to grab the ledge: It seemed like an eternity waiting for my arms to reach the spot I told them to move to. After about what seemed like 5 mins I had only travled halfway through the darkness: Despite Sami's bright light, darkness still lingered dulling her light. It was then I realized that everything was slowed down when I noticed the seconds on sami's clock were not changing like they should. What made things even wierder was that feeling you get in your stomach when you fly through the air and arn't touching any ground was very strong and seemed almost overpowering and should of passed by now. It took awhile, but once I had my view centered on sami's clock I waited until the seconds digit changed and began to count in the back of my head.
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten... The digit changed after about 12 seconds. so it would seem that time has slowed to 12 seconds for 1 second, which means there are now 720 seconds in a minute, and 43200 minutes in one hour. During all this thinking and calculating I had'nt noticed that I've nearly reached the end of the doorway, still fairly in line and now starting to descend but still high enough that I would clear it, I brought my arms down, which took forever, and braced for impact when suddenly everything seemed to speed up and before I knew it I was face first in the ground wondering what happened. I groaned and picked myself up whiping dirt off my face. I felt a little sick and started coughing up a bit of blood spitting it out. I turned to face the doorway and dropped my mouth in awe as I saw myself frozen in mid air halfway through the darkness. Sami had already switched off her light and was also baffled. I sat down without giving my current surronding a single look and gazed at myself. I realized I was'nt actually moving, but slowly fading. I then heard a loud distent crashing sound figuring we must of got out just in time.
"That was wierd... You know, you got a pretty nice rack." Sami remarked.
"Ug, can't you think of anything else at a time like this? That must be the ghost of me still travling slowly through time." I scoffed in discontent.
I turned away from the doorway and looked around: In front of me I saw more of the same yellowish sand that stretched on for what seemed like forever. To the left was a stone wall about 20 feet away that reached for the sky, as well as the same on my right. Looking straight up I now had a clear view of the moon that lit the hole in that cave I was in. It was huge: It must be at least the size of Earth, but still small enough to be a moon, so the planet I'm on must be at least the size of jupiter. Most of the stars were drowned out by this unusually bright moon, but I could see a few bright ones here and there, then I saw tons and tons of little chunks of metal and a few large ones that resembled parts of a large cruiser.
"The Twilight!" I gasped and covered my mouth. "Aloysha and the others..." I forced back tears and sat down covering my face.
"Ohh Sami, what are we going to do? We have no food, no water, everyone is dead but me..."
"You don't know if they are all dead, maybe they survived like you, we just have to find them"
"Sami! Look at that! Look at it!" I yelled and pointed at the hunks of metal slowly orbiting high above, some entering the atmosphere and burning up to produce bright flares in the sky.
"How can anyone survive that?!"
"You did..." Sami said quietly with a blue screen.
"Well I should'nt have..." I said scornfuly now feeling guilty.
[What will happen now? Is Brenna going to give up? Will she find her shipmates or are they already dead?! You'll just have to wait and find out, but for now, that was chapter 4, hope you enjoyed.]

GalacticG · 08-06-2006, 04:11 PM

Oi, look at all those spelling errors... Well i've fixed them all in the hardcopy on my computer, but as for fixing them on here, too late... Here they are : studyed = Studied; cuased = caused; thousends = thousands; Carefuly = Carefully; Apperntly = Apparently; urgancy = urgency; theres = there's; And apparently "brisky" is'nt a word, so I changed it to "brisk"; appernt = apparent; magnisium = magnesium; lept = leapt; As well, I guess "brang" is not a word, so instead I changed it to "brought"; Also, I put a space after "I told them to move to.After" = to. After... etc"; This next error shows why you should not get addicted to IM's mins = minutes; travled = traveled; wierder = weirder ( I always thought it was "I" before "E", oh well... ); arn't = aren’t; And Finally, last but not least, I fixed all the Capitalization mistakes with "sami" etc... This is what I get for typing when I'm sick...

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-06-2006, 07:38 PM

Well that is was very interesting. I will definately "stay tuned" for more. Thank you for fixing those errors.

GalacticG · 08-09-2006, 05:04 PM

Chapter 5
The Cavern.

After figuring it was pointless to sit and grieve about my current situation, and the fact that I really don’t know what happened to the others, I walked for what seemed like days through this canyon. Through all this time the sky never changed much, it was and still is its same old spooky night self.
“It’s so cold…” I said breathlessly through chattering teeth.
“Your weak Brenna, if we don’t find you a shelter, warmer clothes, and some water soon your likely to die.” Sami explained.
“Thank you for such great encouragement Sami.” I noted with an icy tone.
She was right though, if I didn’t find shelter soon I would freeze to death, its getting colder by the moment, and there was an eerie cloud cover to the east of the canyon that I could see drawing closer.
“Must be some sort of storm, that’s probably why its getting colder.” I said.
As I walked on further, the temperature continued to drop, I checked Sami’s thermal decoder and it read: Four Celsius. At this point with my ripped pants barley offering any warmth at all I was chattering my teeth and slowly ascending a upward hill in the canyon and when I reached the top I fell on my knees and nearly gave up: It was a large stone wall that effectively ended the canyon. There were jagged rocks sticking out here and there all the way to the top, I was much too weak to climb it. Sami had already shut herself off and gone into hibernation to keep the cold form damaging her circuits. I looked all over the wall for maybe a crack or hole to squeeze into but there was no place to take shelter from this coming storm. I huddled into the corner behind a large rock formation that looked like a large fist piercing through the now bitterly cold sand and tried my best not to cry. This it I thought. It’s all over, I never thought I would die like this, all alone on an alien world freezing to death. I was just about to shut my eyes and wait for the bitter end when I noticed that a part of the rock wall on my left further back behind the rock formation seemed very loose. I crawled on stiff hands and knees fighting back the pain in every movement, as I drew closer my heart began to rise, It was very loose indeed. When I reached it, at closer examination it seemed partly removed already, kind of like a cork sticking out of a wine bottle. I tried to get a grip around the edges but my fingers were too numb to work properly; instead I got on the side of it and kicked furiously at the edges until I chipped off a large enough piece to crawl through.
Crawling through the hole was rough, there were razor sharp rocks sticking out at odd places, and sand kept getting in my eyes, But, it was much warmer in here and as I pressed on with my last remaining strength and breaths it got warmer and warmer until I reached a wall; It was very dark so I couldn’t see much, only what I felt with my hands.
The wall seemed to be made of loose clay and compacted dirt. I felt around it and found the softest spot, then thrust my fist through the mixture of clay and dirt feeling it burst through gave me a serge of energy large enough to brake away most the clay and dirt pulling myself out by placing my both my hands on either side against the rather soft, but sturdy wall surrounding the tunnel. I was a bit confused when I didn’t hit ground right when I came out but kept falling and that’s when I started screaming until I hit the water with a large splash.
I sank sometime before I opened my eyes and realized what was happening, I was drowning, at least the water is warm I thought. Swimming to the top seemed nearly impossible and with each stroke I could feel my body finally beginning to seize up.
I had just enough strength to drag myself up out of the water and onto hard stone.
I started coughing up water with so much force I almost thought I was hacking up my guts. Oddly enough the water had a fresh taste to it. Once the coughing stopped I crawled to the edge of the stone where the water met and began to try and drink it, at first I did just a few sips and waited to feel any adverse affects, after a few minutes I decided it was safe and had my fill of water. Looking around I gathered I was in a large dark cavern, I could hear dripping water echoing around the cavern which had very good acoustics. I suddenly realized that Sami was still clipped to my side, I reached for where she should have been on my belt, but my belt was gone. I jerked my head up and saw my belt, 30 feet up illuminated by Sami’s LCD, dangling on a large spike like rock sticking out of the side of the caverns’ wall next the tunnel I fell from.
“Um… Little help here?” Sami echoed off.
“Just stay right there, I’ll find a way to get you down.” I shouted back to her.
“Yeah sure, I’ll just hang around” Sami said to herself.
I was much to weak to climb the wall and reach Sami at this point, she was in a pretty safe spot, the spike was pointing upwards so she was in no danger of falling at all.
“I’m just going to rest awhile before I come up and get you, I’m much too tired to climb right now.” I called out.
First thing on my mind was food, then rest. I looked more closely around the cavern using my watch as a makeshift light. At the far right end of the cavern was a stone about the same height as me and probably as wide as I am lying down from toe to head and growing on it was weird blue mushrooms that began to glow slightly as I approached them.
Those are Drakon Blue Mushrooms; they are safe to eat.
“Who said that?!” I exclaimed slightly startled.
It is me, I, us, they, The Moleculost. Do you not remember us? You again? How can I trust you?
There was no response to my thoughts. I didn’t see glowing tubes around me. Whatever they/it did to me must be effecting my ability to hear thoughts. I was too hungry to care and took a chance stuffing my face with blue glowing mushrooms. Soon I felt very drowsy and slowly drifted into sleep.

Maj.Bromley · 08-09-2006, 07:57 PM

Curious as to where you got the name "Brenna"

GalacticG · 08-09-2006, 10:33 PM

Well I've always thought it was a cool name so I just used it. What do you think of the story?

Maj.Bromley · 08-09-2006, 11:21 PM

I thought it was Awesome. Should be published..

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-10-2006, 05:24 AM

This was good. I am liking where you're taking this story. Yes I agree it should get published. I am anxious to read more now.

GalacticG · 08-10-2006, 06:12 AM

Thank you, thanks alot, I really don't think its publishing matrial, but maybe when its finally finished I'll publish it? Not too sure. I'd kind of like it to remain free, or at least to a low enough price that the avarage teen can afford it. I hear about all these authors making great books but so pricey... Last time I checked here at the store I work; A book that is just a reguler old book without special backing is like 8 bucks if its new. If I do get it published one day, you two will be one of the first to recieve a free copy ;D

Maj.Bromley · 08-10-2006, 11:12 AM

That'd be awesome. Lol, I really like your style of writing..

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 08-10-2006, 05:40 PM

That would be great. I love it. Your writing is great!!!!

GalacticG · 08-17-2006, 07:57 PM

Hey sorry I hav'nt posted anything lately, I've been dealing with school and stuff, I'll probley write more this weekend so expect more by monday. Tell then.

GalacticG · 08-21-2006, 09:54 PM

[I've diecided to change the intro a bit and some of the first chapter, it occured to me that Aloysia seems a bit on the lesbian side, so I've changed it a bit. Heres the revamped parts:]
Intro ReVamp

“Oh Gawd, ick…” Brenna coughed up some oil that had fallen in her mouth and chucked a wrench to the side sliding herself out from under her small fighter.
“Son of a, damn you Pepin! Just ruin my fighter why don't you!” She choked, spiting out some oil.
“Oh, hey Aloysia, going on? Didn’t see you come in.”
“How is the fighter coming along?” Her voice was soft and had a hint of passion in it, as always. Brenna watched as she trailed over to the fighter and ran a finger across it admiring the new paint job she gave it the other day.
Brenna proceeded to get up and dust herself off and throw some kitty litter under the fighter to soak up the oil spill.
“Its great, except Pepin jacked it up in our last fight” She smirked and mopped up some oil that was creeping away; looking back up at her and wondering how in the world Pepin could do so much damage in so little time. She didn’t understand Him.
“Oh, and tell that clown if he touches my fighter again He’s gonna’ wake up with an engine rod up his ass.” Brenna scoffed
“Alright, and don‘t stay down here to long.” She stuck out her tongue and teased Brenna as she walked off and went to deal with Pepin.

Chapter One Beginning ReVamp

I’m not sure why, but, Aloysia swayed her hips more then usual, more then most women, she always does this no matter where she is or who she is with. I looked...-----

[Alright, well thats all for now, I'm going to do my math homework/American history (BLEH!) and write some more, should have a fresh chapter by tomorrow or Wensday.]

GalacticG · 08-26-2006, 09:34 PM

This is horrible, its been a week and I hav'nt wrote a thing. I need some ideas. Anyone got any? Throw them out there, I don't care how wild and or crazy they are, just spit em' out. Please and Thank you.

GalacticG · 09-24-2006, 11:39 PM

Hey guys!!!! I know its been a long time since I've posted anything but I've had a Harddrive failure and a bunch of other problems in life so that took up all my time, good news though, I still have my copy of Twilight Glistening, but, I've seriously re-vamped it hardcore and I'm going to repost it all, but not on the forums, it would take up to much space, I'm going to look for a site where I can put it for now and then link you guys up. I hope you like the changes. <3's too all.

GalacticG · 09-24-2006, 11:49 PM

Alright! Got the link for it, here you guys go, enjoy ;D. Also, people who have read this, may want to re read it, I've changed alot and added more detail on the ship. http://www.freewebs.com/galacticg/twlightglistening.htm

GalacticG · 10-04-2006, 07:39 PM

So... I'm guessing no one wants to read it unless I post it in here?