im confused please help

sylas · 10-06-2006, 02:33 AM

im realy confused about my self at the moment ........... my dad is a pastor and hes allways talking about how "goth" kids are going to hell but.......i all ways have to hide who i am on the in side or go thorugh an exeosisim and ive been doing it so long im not shure who i am any more i dont think im any thing i dont like lables but id like to know where i can fit in or mabye in just a loner what should i do do i need help do my parents need it too why am i like this why cant i truely fit in

c130 · 10-06-2006, 04:38 AM

My suggestion is keep your music, clothes and true feelings about yourself away from your dad. Sounds like there's not much you can do or say that would get him to accept you for who you are, so rather than letting it creating a gap between you and him, I'd reccommend you just keep your gothic side hidden from him. Let him think you've moved on.

Btw, welcome to the forum, and this should be in the "rants" section at the bottom of the main page. Just for future reference.

Immortal_Death · 10-06-2006, 09:26 AM

This should go under the "Whinings" forum. You should also introduce yourself properly before it's too late. I also suggest you using proper English, what do they teach you in school?

RobinGreenwood · 10-06-2006, 10:52 AM

Sylas, what c130 says is right. Don't tell him. I know it's generally wrong to hide things from important people you love, but in this case, it's for your good and his. He thinks his kid is "normal" as well as good, which clearly he wants to believe, and you can be yourself and feel good about not hurting your dad. Maybe very gently (over YEARS), ease him into it. I don't know how old you are, but if you live at home with your folks then suck it up until you move out. Which you will do eventually (right?). Then you can do more or less as you please, and only have to suck it up for family gatherings and when you see your dad.

I'm in a similar boat with my folks. Goths, punks and other "degenerates" are disapproved of with them. BUT: I've proven to my parents that I'm a good and worthwhile individual, on their terms. I'm 23 and have a university degree and am headed for a second one (and possibly medical school, which my dad is really pushing for), and they know I'm one of the most kindhearted people they've ever met. That's what you have to do too. Make yourself the kind of person they want you to be, plus gothic. They're not mutually exclusive, just a bit of compromise. Just like if you work for a stiff, formal company and want to keep your job, you follow their code of conduct. Same here. You want to keep your dad, so keep to his rules when you're on his turf (ie, whenever you have to see him or talk to him). When you're not with him, do what you want.

Another thing - remember that he is your dad, and whether you agree with him on this or not, you probably don't want to lose him completely. So don't alienate him with attitude (or by *insisting* on being Miss UberGoth even though you know it concerns him).

Maybe bring up goths casually in conversation. Like, maybe mention that a nice goth (at school maybe?) helped you out and was really nice. Or, a nice goth encouraged you to go to Church, or tutored you in French or something. Make goths look good, while not "being" one yourself (as far as he's concerned), and so ease him into it. He'll disagree like crazy and maybe say some nasty things, but every time you make goths look good, it's a step in the right direction.

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-06-2006, 11:33 AM

I don't understand this whole "coming out" thing. Sylas, if you had been "preppy" on the inside, would you feel compelled to tell your father that? What if you decided you like Beethoven? Would you have to "come out" as a Classical Music Fan?

You're not the first to struggle with this dilemma. Just think of it this way: your parents love you, right? And if you decide that you like something, even if it's not something they like, they'll still love you. And you haven't decided to go against the Church, have you? You just have a new favorite color (black) and a new taste in music.

Don't worry about it. You wouldn't feel compelled to tell them that you like pink, so don't feel compelled to say you like black. Just go on with your life as you choose to, and if they raise objections you can deal with it then.

It's really hard to live your life anticipating others' reactions.

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 10-06-2006, 02:47 PM

Only you know your parents. Tell them if you want to. Or maybe just ease them into it. But ALWAYS be tru to yourself. Don't pretend to be someone that you're not. Remember self acceptance and love is what comes first and is what more important.

sylas · 10-07-2006, 01:33 AM

thank you for not burnig the shit out of me and yes my spelling is horibble and ill also make shure i post things right next time

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-07-2006, 05:48 AM

Sweetie, if that's the case (sorry, this is the English Major in me talking), you may want to spell "burning", "horrible", and "sure" correctly... and also remember that "I" is a proper noun and ought to be capitalized, and "I'll" is a contraction in need of an apostrophe.

Sorry, I know I'm anal retentive, but I guess if you want to try to get better, you may want to correct those things. And if you don't, it's ok to just disregard this post as an anal retentive future English teacher with too much time on her hands.

Curious about the sig, though, love: piss off? Do you mean us? Because that's not very polite, particularly given the nice welcome you were given.

Angel-of-death · 10-27-2006, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sylas

thank you for not burnig the shit out of me and yes my spelling is horibble and ill also make shure i post things right next time

it ok my spelling aint great either and i was told i wasnt the brightest crayon in the box and my foster parents dont like the thought of me beening a goth either but it will be ok i guess its not up to them how we feel.

DarkHeartedDemoness · 10-27-2006, 08:38 AM

Do you mean your spelling isn't great, sweetie?

Are you even trying, or have you simply decided that the members of this board are not worth the respect it takes to quickly glance over your post to check it for errors? I'd be curious to know.

Delicate_Torture · 10-27-2006, 09:14 AM

Shakespeare wrote : "And this above all things, to thine ownself be true."

I believe that he also wrote : "My Kingdom for a spellchecker!"

She_Is_My_Sin · 10-27-2006, 10:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Angel-of-death

it ok my spelling aint great either and i was told i wasnt the brightest crayon in the box.

Gawd...you still peddling that? It's not as if it was the most harsh insult ever. There is such thing as 'get over it'.

StaticVIP · 10-27-2006, 01:03 PM

Thats how my parents are.
They assume because of the way i dress and the music i listen to, is the way i am and its not. Yes i perfer black over pink and metal and rock over rap and hip hop but that doesnt mean your going to hell. Your dad is wrong and if he truely believed in god he would know that already.