Bdsm?

DarkChildOne · 04-24-2007, 08:53 AM

THIS IS A SERIOUS POST!
I really want input.
No flaming, please.
Let this be your DISCLAIMER

This was not intended for the eyes of young folks. If you are under the age of 16, turn away now. Please. This is only for those who can offer advice and thoughts.

First off my sexual tendencies are off the normal scale. I cant explain my problems, but i cant seem to find a mate who adequately suits my needs. I want someone who knows how i want to be treated without telling them. Why not tell them? It feels odd. And frankly on some of the things i want its embarassing to mention. I met someone once who could read me so well he knew what i wanted. With a single glance he heard my needs. But, away from that and back on to the rest. In this next segment, i am going to entail the things i want, need, crave from a sexual side of a relationship.
I want someone to hurt me. But, in hurt i mean inflict pain but also turn right around to rub it better. To paddle my rear when i did wrong, but caress me gently telling me they still love me. In the bedroom, i want to be controlled, punished, and sometimes tortured. Once again, in the end held softly for gentle cuddles. I want my throat held till i nearly pass out, thats why i wear tight collars. It makes me feel... free. The tighter the restraints, the freer i feel.
Pain for me, is control. It helps me feel like i can take the world on again. Thats why i cut. The Pain, it made me feel both in control, and controlled. I needed that pain, to stay in control.

How do I tell that someone that I want them to hurt Me; to hurt me so bad i cry only to turn around have them softly hold me knowing they love me?
How do I tell them thats how I want to be loved?
How do i tell them i want to be their slave?

chelseagirl · 04-24-2007, 09:52 AM

Maybe you could try finding dating partners at local BDSM events. That way, you'd know they were into the same kind of things. I know where I live, we have a weekly event.

Caught · 04-24-2007, 10:37 AM

There's more serious pain than physical pain but I kind of understand you. It's a wild fantasy, I hope you find someone who shares it. Keep looking and I think hurting and then "healing" is something with trust too, find someone good.

DarkChildOne · 04-24-2007, 11:27 AM

Finding them is the problem. I want to enjoy my sexlife while i am young. Not be 30 years or more and find someone who has at least an inkling.
Is there something wrong with me to want the things i put in the post?

Saddiction · 04-24-2007, 11:31 AM

30 years old is still young.

Caught · 04-24-2007, 11:32 AM

Wrong? Why would you think that? Sex is fun, after some time you might want more like what you want. You're not the only one who wants what you have posted, I'm sure.

DarkChildOne · 04-24-2007, 11:52 AM

Well, you get what i mean when i say old. But, i know i'm not the only one, but.... where am i going to find someone within my age range who would understand how i feel?

killer_asian_Dax · 04-24-2007, 12:21 PM

First of all-there is NOTHING even remotely embarrassing about what you want.

Secondly- unfortunately, even if you go onto a bdsm site to find others like you and perhaps even a dom(mme), not many people are good at reading others so chances are you're going to have to tell the person how you want it. At least at first. We are not a race of telepathic beings, so being verbal about your wants and needs will have to suffice.

Thirdly- Finding someone under the age of 30 will make it a bit more difficult to find a partner, but so long as you persavere- you'll find exactly what you're looking for. Or at least a pretty damn good facsimilie.

I understand where you're coming from in it being nearly impossible to find someone to invade you like Poland, but they're out there. Truth be told, a lot of people you'd think weren't into such things really are. You just have to coax it out of them.

A trick I tried on a guy I was seeing for a while was to first be the dominant one. Jumping him and telling him what to do. And at some point, I turned the tables and ordered him to start taking charge. And from there- it stayed.

So try to open your scope a bit more and test the waters with people who don't look like they'd be into it. You'd be suprised what you'll find.

Good luck to ya.

DarkChildOne · 04-24-2007, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by killer_asian_Dax

First of all-there is NOTHING even remotely embarrassing about what you want.

So try to open your scope a bit more and test the waters with people who don't look like they'd be into it. You'd be suprised what you'll find.

Good luck to ya.

Thanks. Well, i think i am going to take your advice with the domming then ordering to take over (provided i read that right.) Actually, that is what i was thinking about doing for a while I just didnt think it would be possible. But, my fiance is showing promise. He says even though some of the things i ask him to do he doesnt exactly like, but to make me happy he will do it.

I thank everyone for their input. I really do.

Funny thing about what you said, Killer; about someone under 30 knowing what to do, my mom and dad are in their early 40s and they practice BDSM. After i wrote my post, i finally figured out that i am just like my mom. A sub in the bedroom, a dom in the real world.

Thanks again. And anyone else reading these, feel free to add more input. I really appriciate it.

Underwater Ophelia · 04-24-2007, 07:22 PM

I think it's not really a good idea to wait for someone who can just read your mind with what you want. I mean, it's a really nice idea, but it might be too unrealistic, and it would be a shame if you just never found the right one.
They might even know what you want and just be too shy to act on it, because they're not sure it's what you want.
I'd say find someone you like enough, and when you are comfortable enough with them, slowly introduce the things you like, and see how they adapt to them.

mrs.wes straker · 04-24-2007, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkChildOne

THIS IS A SERIOUS POST!

How do I tell that someone that I want them to hurt Me; to hurt me so bad i cry only to turn around have them softly hold me knowing they love me?
How do I tell them thats how I want to be loved?
How do i tell them i want to be their slave?

Tell them: tie me up, choke me, slap me, gag me, lock me up in your basement for 3 days.... whatever you want. If it weirds them out, then, oops. Either they will change, or you will have to find someone more compatible. I'm like this too. Even though most women I know think it's strange, most women I know are idiots, and it's perfectly normal to love pain. Normal; AS ARE **** fantasies, kidnapping fantasies, abuse fantasies, etc.

Where's Delicate Torture? I'm pretty sure she's a masochist too.

The funniest thing about it is I'm not an emotional masochist at all. Any kind of disrespect under circumstances outside of sexual ones turn me into a real beotch.

PersephoneX · 04-24-2007, 10:44 PM

I'm a masochist...It was really hard and embarrassing to tell my Ferret what interested me...I still have trouble discussing it with him. We're working on it. But he feels very uncomfortable doing a lot of things that I ask of him. It’s still quite early, and I introduced him to it slowly. He's refusing to do anything AEA related. And I understand. We love each other and we agreed that it was important to work through this.
It’s just a matter of understanding what he is comfortable with doing…

mrs.wes straker · 04-24-2007, 10:47 PM

What's AEA?

PersephoneX · 04-24-2007, 10:49 PM

Auto Erotic Asphyxiation

mrs.wes straker · 04-24-2007, 10:50 PM

What does the Auto Erotic part add to the Asphyxiation?

PersephoneX · 04-24-2007, 10:54 PM

Two extra words?

And a very angry Ferret.

KontanKarite · 04-24-2007, 10:54 PM

From one subbie to another, I can tell you that I understand.

Cutting. I don't mean to question your logic, but are you sure this is an extension of your sexuality or a symptom of depression?

Not to be weird, but I'd love to talk to you about these things. Physical torture is nice. But for me, I enjoy emotional torture...

Though with the last person I was with, I learned my limits of my heart.

bound_soul_reaper@ y a h o o .com

Give me a chatty chat anytime. ^__^

mrs.wes straker · 04-24-2007, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Cutting. I don't mean to question your logic, but are you sure this is an extension of your sexuality or a symptom of depression?

Not to be weird, but I'd love to talk to you about these things. Physical torture is nice. But for me, I enjoy emotional torture...

I don't know if cutting is a symptom of depression when it comes to sex. I've changed a lot since then but I used to have a bloodlust obsession.

I think wanting to be tortured emotionally is definitely more a sign of depression and low self esteem. I experienced that desire as a teenager.

PersephoneX--A mad Ferret because he is the object of asphyxiation or because you're insisting on being the object? :-)

PersephoneX · 04-24-2007, 11:02 PM

The thing is, I'm scared that the extent of my deparvity is going to put strain on our relationship. We have had fights about things that he will not do, that i have asked him to...
I'm starting to think that maybe its better to keep quite about it and keep him happy...

mrs.wes straker · 04-24-2007, 11:04 PM

Mine kind of died off because my husband told me that I was getting really "sick", so I stopped bothering about it.

PersephoneX · 04-24-2007, 11:08 PM

But i dont want that to happen...
My mother makes me feel like I'm a bad person for being a masochist. I'm not sure how she found out, but she did. And she makes no secret of that fact that she finds it apalling. So many reasons to just supress it and pretend its not there...

erotomaniac87 · 04-24-2007, 11:14 PM

DarkChildOne, you are not the only one who likes that sort of thing. I also tend to have masochistic tendencies. I quite frankly enjoy being mistreated...in a playful, loving way. But I also like exchanging roles where I AM the punisher. *evil grin* There are other times, though, where I prefer to be pampered and treated in the tenderest of ways.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkChildOne

Finding them is the problem. I want to enjoy my sexlife while i am young. Not be 30 years or more and find someone who has at least an inkling.
Is there something wrong with me to want the things i put in the post?

Nothing wrong with it, and you know, THERE ARE guys out there that enjoy being pleasantly tortured by a girl and vice versa, but sometimes they won't mention it to you of fear you'll think he's a psycho or something. I believe communication is the key here. Talking to your partner about what each likes to do in bed, and what you wish he would do, is the way to go.

mrs.wes straker · 04-24-2007, 11:15 PM

I'm not really pretending it's not there, I just find other things to stimulate me. I know what I like, and it's just not that large of a priority for me to be willing to make it an issue. I suppose it boils down to what you're willing to compromise--your own personal preferences or your relationship. :-(

PersephoneX · 04-24-2007, 11:20 PM

I guess its just the way the cookie crumbles.

KontanKarite · 04-24-2007, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrs.wes straker

I don't know if cutting is a symptom of depression when it comes to sex. I've changed a lot since then but I used to have a bloodlust obsession.

I think wanting to be tortured emotionally is definitely more a sign of depression and low self esteem. I experienced that desire as a teenager.

PersephoneX--A mad Ferret because he is the object of asphyxiation or because you're insisting on being the object? :-)

It was essentially to see how much I could take. I think when it comes to BDSM, you have to throw the Freud out of the window. None of it is really logical. But good gods is it awesome.