A few years ago at Reading festival ,I nearly got my face smacked in by some cockmonkey guy on speed or some other drug, We were watching the Prodigy ( too loud even as far away as we were, they ruined it ) and this complete fannydribble of an idiot was just going mental in front of me. I don't even know what sort of dancing it was meant to be, but he was kicking and flailing his arms in time to "
Smack my bitch up" like the apocalypse was impending. His huge hand missed my face by centimeters
Again, a few years ago ( a year or two after Reading I think ), I went to the Download festival and nearly got killed in an Amen moshpit that spontaneously began around me

Luckily a really nice guy with red dreadlocks noticed I was in the throes of suffering, and offered to lift me out. Of course, I had to quickly inform him that I was twice his weight and that he would definitely need assistance, so he got all these big blokes around us to heave my enormity out of the hellish fray. What a nice man
A few hours after that, we were watching Iron Maiden, eating Maxibon ice creams * drool * , when a BMI jet flew over
REALLY low ( Donnington race park is right next to East Midlands airport ) during "
Bring your daughter to the slaughter" . Amazing timing.