help/advice

Solumina · 07-17-2007, 07:34 PM

About a year and a half ago I lost my father after a long battle with lung cancer and I slipped into a major depression (if you want to know more about it you can look back through the rant thread) and I am finally starting to feel like myself again. The thing is that out of nowhere my emotions will just bottom out and I just get hit with this wave of overwhelming sadness. Sometimes it last for just a moment but others it will last for a few days. I'm seeing a therapist and she has tried to help but since most of the time I am well adjusted and happy the only thing that she can really think to do is put me on antidepressants or mood stabilizers and I really don't want that because to me being numb is worse than any sadness. Have any of you dealt with anything similar? I could really use a bit of advice.

HumanePain · 07-17-2007, 07:44 PM

Yes, I went through a similar experience. My situation may be different from yours however, so the choices that worked for me may not work for you, but I did choose medication, because the sadness was so overwhelming that I could not function at work. The depression was interfering with my job. I was crying in my office cubicle, afraid that someone would see me.

The medicine (Lexapro) has not caused me to be numb, although it does make me very tired right after I take it, and for about 2 or 3 hours afterwards. But the benefits are worth the side effects; I am back to being normal, and more importantly, it helped me to function until the sheer amount of time eventually healed me of the flashbacks and disturbing memories. My doctor says in a year I can probably discontinue the prescription.

If you do not have to work, and if you do have a strong family or friend based support network, then you may choose not to take medicine, but if you have to function, then seriously consider it is my advice.

DeathChii · 07-17-2007, 07:46 PM

The story was different, though the depression came the same. I understand what you mean by it being over and then coming back in waves. The thing is, there will always be waves of sadness; anything that might possibly remind you, or trigger an old feeling, will bring you emotions back. For now you just have to get through them, and they will start happening less and less and you'll continue to get more and more stable and strong. =]

Valerius · 07-17-2007, 08:28 PM

I'm sorry I can't commiserate, but I do wish you well.

Solumina · 07-17-2007, 08:42 PM

Thanks and sorry about the emoness I'm in a much better mood now ^_^

wishcat · 07-17-2007, 09:04 PM

My father past away 3 1/2 years ago. His death was sudden and he died in a pretty messed up way. He went in for surgery and came out well but he refused to eat for some reason. I know he was deppressed and longed for death, I just never expected him to give up and let himself die. Before his death, he was angry with me and our family, and wouldn't talk to us when we would go visit him. he would either pretend to be sleeping or just flat out ignore us. When he passed away, I fell into depression. At first, I started to play an online game to keep my mind busy and distracted because whenever I was alone, I felt myself loosing it. I played that online game like a maniac for about 4 months. I didn't really have anyone to talk to about my feelings, so everything was kept bottled up. I started to get real bad anxiety attacks, when I went to the doctor, she wanted me to get on paxil ( an anti-depressant) I rejected the drugs and decided to cope with my depression on my own. Having someone to talk to and listen to how you feel can help a great deal, It helped me out alot.

Even after almost 4 years have gone by since my father's death, I still find myself falling into a pool of sadness. I'll get sad and depressed for a while, but I always snap out of it.

If you wanna talk more about it, you can always message me on AIM or on Yahoo.

Cappinator · 07-17-2007, 11:04 PM

Solumina, I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my father to cancer about 6 years ago. At first, I handled it pretty much they way wishcat did. I too was playing an online game at the time and just lost myself in there. Those things are evil, they numb your feelings like you wouldn't believe.

After a few months, I started to realize the hard truth and I'd get this overwhelming sadness that snuck up on my and sometimes haunted me for days. I dreamt about my father almost every night, feeling more and more depressed every morning. I have to add that I was also plagued with guilt, because I wasn't fair on my father the last few years of his life. He'd been pretty much a bad father during my entire childhood and he was trying to make up for it in his last years (he knew he was terminal). I didn't let him, so that added to the feelings of sorrow. I was a mess.

What got me through it? Talking to my girlfriend. I know it sounds simple, but maybe that's what it is. Every time I had a dream, I talked to her and sometimes we'd cry together. Whenever I felt depressed, we'd talk about it. She eventually made me realize I was remembering a lot of the good things about my father.

At this point in my life, I sometimes get sad when I think about him, but I also feel good because the memories I have of him are happy ones. I know he's in a better place right now and I know he watches over me. So while there's still sadness, I accepted his death and am now in a different place about it.

Hope it helps. In any case, I offer you my strength and if you ever wish to talk about it, please feel free to send me a message through my profile, or on the boards.

biohazard · 07-17-2007, 11:23 PM

I have not felt exactly what you are going through, but something similiar. I am feeling very alone, more than ever. This isolation comes with some sadness and feelings of worthlessness. The way I deal with it is mostly g-net, playing video games, watching anime, or just spending time with my pets. If you have any pets, try to spend time with them, either bathing them, feeding them, petting them, etc. Just try to get distracted by doing something you enjoy.