How do you get over someone without seperating yourself from them?

maggot · 09-10-2007, 10:18 PM

I don't want to stop talking to her, that would make things even worse, but seeing her so much, without her even seeming to care anymore just makes things so awful.

I'm kind of ashamed to admit it, but you goths do this a lot too. Or something. I've cried every night since she left me. I feel like I've had a major part of my life taken away.

So answer my question please?

raggedyanne · 09-10-2007, 10:32 PM

As a girl who's broken up with her fair share of guys, I would tell her how you feel if you hadn't already. Understand that she made a hard decision and probably still cares for you, if only as a brother/sister love thing. It's going to be hard at first, but if she's open to keeping a platonic relationship, then take the opportunity to stay in her life. Don't get uber-jealous and glare at every guy she looks at, but you can take the opportunity to keep her from dating jerks. Pretty much saying, it's going to hurt badly, but staying her friend is worth it. Who knows, she may someday realize her mistake and come running back to you, but until then you can take the opportunity to do a little babe watching.

DeathChii · 09-10-2007, 10:32 PM

You have to seperate yourself
Not FOREVER of course
but until you can pull yourself together and feel comfortable seeing her without breaking down, because if you just keep seeing her all the time, you're just causing yourself even more pain than you need to.
And I am sure she does care, she just doesn't show it. But yeah, you have to seperate yourself for at least a month, the longer the better, and when the feelings are gone and you've moved on, you guys can be friends; but til then...

Cicero · 09-10-2007, 10:52 PM

In my experience seperation is always necessary. The thought of not talking to your ex may seem terrifying, but in practice you'll realise it's not that bad. You need to show yourself you can survive without her.

It'll make the healing process a lot faster, believe me.

Amarantha · 09-10-2007, 11:01 PM

If metaphors help you, think of it this way.

You have a wound. And the only way to get it to heal is to stop ripping it open.

From what you described, it sounds like seeing her post-breakup tears you up really badly. Separate for a while. Just get over her in whatever way you can, and then, once you're over each other, you'll have moved on. And then it's possible to be platonic with her once again.

I hope this turns out for you, dear.

HumanePain · 09-11-2007, 02:57 AM

For 2 reasons, it is best to start talking to other girls:

a) When she sees you having fun in the company of other girls, and they ejoy talking to you, sometimes (not always), it makes you attractive to your ex, and she *may* become interested in you again. So if you really want her back, then TALK TO OTHER GIRLS.

b) If it doesn't work, talking to other girls will help heal the wound, and soon you will feel much better and who knows? You may make a new friend!

So either way you win by talking to new girls. Get back in the saddle dude.

Underwater Ophelia · 09-11-2007, 11:03 AM

I agree with what most of the people here are saying, you should probably take some time away from her, just until it doesn't hurt so badly.

Also, talking to other girls is a very good idea. Flirting is fun. Even if it's just for play, it could help make you feel better.

maggot · 09-11-2007, 12:10 PM

Most of my friends are girls. o_o

And a lot of them are mutual friends. Neither of us have many friends.

None of you really answered my question, though. ><
I wanted advice on how to not force myself to be away from her, and feel okay with it. o_o

I'll give it a week, and if I don't feel any better, I'll separate myself for a bit.

DeathChii · 09-11-2007, 12:35 PM

Yes we did, and our answer was : You can't feel ok with it. You NEED time away.

MollyMac · 09-11-2007, 04:07 PM

If you can forget what you feel/felt for her, then you can hang out and nto give a damn about the hurt that isn't there. Find a strong enoght distraction/deterrant from these feelings.

Have you ever done active meditation? Learning to simply acknowledge what you are thinking and feeling, but not holding onto it? It's hard, but letting go of a thought once you are aware of it is a damned good way to deal.

If you were older, I'd recommend a Hemmingway weekend bender.

All the same, sorry for the recent suckage, man.

Lapin · 09-11-2007, 05:23 PM

(Hands Maggot some tissues)
(Offers chocolate)

Do what I do with my exes: Outright avoid them until you stop becoming an emotional wreck on sight of them.

Should you feel bad about this? No. You're hurting. You have to deal with it, and the only way, usually, is to remove yourself from the situation until you've healed a bit.

Beneath the Shadows · 09-11-2007, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggot

I don't want to stop talking to her, that would make things even worse, but seeing her so much, without her even seeming to care anymore just makes things so awful.

I'm kind of ashamed to admit it, but you goths do this a lot too. Or something. I've cried every night since she left me. I feel like I've had a major part of my life taken away.

So answer my question please?

Spend more time with others. Plain and simple. When you spend more time with others, your mind will focus on the "here and now."

And, for a time, at least, reduce your contact with her to e-mails and/or phone calls. When you feel comfortable to do so, hang out with her now and then. Test the waters, so to speak.