My mom and her emails...ugghh

Cen0bite · 11-30-2007, 12:12 PM

my mom keeps sending me these really annoying forwarded emails about god and stuff.
grrr..and its pointless for me to say anything to her about it because she'll just tell me i need to go to church, blah blah blah.
here's just one of the emails i got.
THE NIGHT JESUS CAME

It was the night Jesus came
and all through the house,
not a person was praying,
not one in the house ....

The Bible was left
on the shelf without care,
for no one thought
Jesus would come there ...

The children were dressing
to crawl into bed,
not once ever kneeling
or bowing their head..

And Mom in the rocking chair
with babe on her lap,
was watching the Late Show
as I took a nap ..

When out of the east
there rose such a clatter,
I sprang to my feet
to see what was the matter ....

Away to the window
I flew like a flash,
tore open the shutters
and lifted the sash .

Wh en what to my wondering
eyes should appear,
but Angels proclaiming
that Jesus was here .....

The light of His face
made me cover my head...
was Jesus returning
just like He'd said ....

And though I possessed
worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him
in spite of myself .....

In the Book of Life
which he held in his hand,
was written the name
of every saved man ....

He spoke not a word
as he searched for my name,
when He said 'it's not here'
My head hung in shame .....

The people whose names
had been written with love,
He gathered to take
to his Father above ....

With those who were ready
He rose without sound,
while all of the others
were left standing around .....

I fell to my knees
but it was too late,
I'd waited too long
and thus sealed my fate ....

I stood and I cried
as they rose out of sight,
Oh, if only I'd known
that this was th e night ......

In the words of this poem
the meaning is clear
the coming of Jesus
is now drawing near ....

There's only one life
and when comes the last call,
We'll find out that the Bible
was true after all.

B - Basic
I - Instruction
B - Before
L - Leaving
E - Earth

Please send this to as many people as possible ... JESUS LOVES YOU

it irritates me to no end that my mom actually believes this crap. that jesus will return. it's b.s.

ApothoKeri · 11-30-2007, 12:26 PM

Eh, this why GOD invented the delete button.

kimaru · 11-30-2007, 12:29 PM

My grandma sends me stuff like that...she always sends me ones covered in teddy bear pictures about best freinds and if I send it to x # of people my crush will kiss me....I don't even have a crush. She always says I don't email her back, I might have if she actually WROTE me an email instead of forwarding junk.

Mon Coeur Noir · 11-30-2007, 12:31 PM

Tell your mom if she REALLY wants you to find God, and not just religion, that you will do it in your own time. Tell her that she has done her job, and if the time comes that you see fit to look into it, you know the basics of about God.

Also, perhaps you could throw predestination at her. If your meant to find God, then you will.

Besides...I think they are only trying to do what they see in their eyes as taking care of you.

Delkaetre · 11-30-2007, 01:10 PM

Hahaha, I find that hilarious! Just read the poem out to my flatmate, and we both giggled merrily all the way through.
Religion entertains us immensely. We like reading the stuff that the Evangelists give us, and handing it back with the spelling corrected, grammar amended, and notes from the Skeptics' Annotated Bible. Man, I haven't done that in ages.

korinna5555 · 11-30-2007, 01:30 PM

There is a Jehovah's Witness Church down the road.. I am always SO tempted to go up, knock on their door, and..... "Hello, and Merry Meet. My name is Keegan and I have come to tell you about Paganism!"

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Cen0bite · 11-30-2007, 01:41 PM

Mon, i'm an atheist, so, no chance for me finding religion. lol.
Korinna, i really think you should do that..lmao. the look on their face would be priceless.

honeythorn · 11-30-2007, 01:45 PM

I always get JW's coming to my house. I expect the pentacle in the window may have something to do with it. Although I actually haven't had a knock for a while....Perhaps they have got the message?

kimaru · 11-30-2007, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by korinna5555

There is a Jehovah's Witness Church down the road.. I am always SO tempted to go up, knock on their door, and..... "Hello, and Merry Meet. My name is Keegan and I have come to tell you about Paganism!"

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

If you do that...and bring a hidden video camera...film it and post it on youtube so we can all watch!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA x 2

Beneath the Shadows · 11-30-2007, 11:17 PM

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.

"Thou hast covered with anger, and persecuted us: thou hast slain, thou hast not pitied. Thou hast covered thyself with a cloud, that our prayer should not pass through."

—Lamentations 3:43-44

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

"Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them, Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able... There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out."

—Luke 13:23-28

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

"I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh. When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you, then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me."

—Proverbs 1:26-28

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it:

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

"Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them... And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him... And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not."

—Matthew 25:1-12

The Lord replied:

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you."

"Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels."

—Matthew 25:41

"During your times of trial and suffering..."

"But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him."

—Luke 12:5

"...when you see only one set of footprints..."

"And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire."

—Revelation 20:15

"...it was then that I carried you."

"The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night."

—Revelation 14:10-11

Cen0bite · 12-01-2007, 11:34 AM

Umm.. ok? What's your point here?
If you're trying to preach, you can just stop now.

Graveyard.Crow · 12-01-2007, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by korinna5555

There is a Jehovah's Witness Church down the road.. I am always SO tempted to go up, knock on their door, and..... "Hello, and Merry Meet. My name is Keegan and I have come to tell you about Paganism!"

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I second that

Beneath the Shadows · 12-01-2007, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cen0bite

Umm.. ok? What's your point here?
If you're trying to preach, you can just stop now.

I take it you didn't actually read that post. Ignore the scriptures, and you'll see the well-known "Footprints in the Sand" poem. The poem tells us of Jesus's love for everyone. Now, ignore the poem, and you'll see just the scriptures. The scriptures paint a picture that is the exact opposite of what the poem says.

Yeah, me, a pagan, using Christian scripture to preach. That'll be the day.

Beneath the Shadows · 12-01-2007, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by korinna5555

There is a Jehovah's Witness Church down the road.. I am always SO tempted to go up, knock on their door, and..... "Hello, and Merry Meet. My name is Keegan and I have come to tell you about Paganism!"

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Didn't someone do something like that, except with atheism? And in Salt Lake City?

Crying_Crimson_Tears · 12-01-2007, 04:01 PM

My grandma sends me emails like that all the time.

I actually think they're cute and nice. But then again I believe in God.

But seriously just put your mom on your email's blocked list. That way she can send them, but you won't get them. Or you could mark them as spam. OR you could just change your email address.

Beneath the Shadows · 12-01-2007, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beneath the Shadows

What I said before...

Oh, and I forgot to say that you should send stuff like that back and hope she takes the hint.

korinna5555 · 12-01-2007, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beneath the Shadows

Didn't someone do something like that, except with atheism? And in Salt Lake City?

I don't know, but I wish I had a hidden camera..

le_revenant · 12-02-2007, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cen0bite

my mom keeps sending me these really annoying forwarded emails about god and stuff.

Ick and now its been forwarded on to us via this thread, lol.

The appearance of the words "God", "Jesus", and the phrase "Forward this..." in my inbox e-mails garners an immediate deletion in my book.

My ex-best friend from high school no longer e-mails me actual messages but rather forwards this pseudo-religious crap on to me. The last was one of those "please pass on..." chain e-mails that went on & on about how the upcoming flick "The Golden Compass" is un-Christian & how the trailer ads for it will do nothing but cause unsuspecting, upstanding, chaste (no doubt) movie goers to attend & receive a big "You must hate God!!" message thru the flick.

I responded, in so many words: "how you expect 2000 years of Christianity to fall like a boozed-up party chick on account of this one flick is beyond me. If its survived worse things in the last 2000 years it'll survive Nicole Kidman & her Compass flick

Carona · 12-02-2007, 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by korinna5555

There is a Jehovah's Witness Church down the road.. I am always SO tempted to go up, knock on their door, and..... "Hello, and Merry Meet. My name is Keegan and I have come to tell you about Paganism!"

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Hahahahahaha.
My mother goes to one of them, kind of screwed her up.

JCC · 12-02-2007, 07:01 AM

When people send me stuff like that, I'm usually like "Uh... it's Sunday, right? Have you gone to church today, by any chance?"

I usually either get no response or "Fuck you, it's just a chain mail."

Cen0bite · 12-02-2007, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beneath the Shadows

I take it you didn't actually read that post. Ignore the scriptures, and you'll see the well-known "Footprints in the Sand" poem. The poem tells us of Jesus's love for everyone. Now, ignore the poem, and you'll see just the scriptures. The scriptures paint a picture that is the exact opposite of what the poem says.

Yeah, me, a pagan, using Christian scripture to preach. That'll be the day.

Eh, sorry about that. I did read it, but the first thing i thought was, "Oh fuck, scriptures. Grr." I really can't stand the poem either. I've heard it so much throughout my life.

And Crimson, i can't just block her. i get emails from her that arent just those fowarded ones. so yeah.