Splattered.

[Underwater Ophelia]

The title is "Splattered," which is a reference to how you can see more of something once it is spread out--think a can of paint.

I have found
In your presence
I can now stand
Perfectly still
Can reach up to touch your face
With sober hands
And stone fingers

And I'm not quite sure anymore
Who made the first incision,
(Or even if it was a clean knife,)
But I have discovered a place
That stops bleeding
Soon after I press my face into it

I have found that
While my shape is softer
And you have longer legs
Our fingerprints are remarkably similar.


As always, I love getting positive or negative comments, preferably detailed.
I'm also VERY interested in knowing how it makes you feel, knee-jerk reactions, and impressions.

[Methadrine]

How it makes me feel? All good inside. Your poems/creative word art is like sisters lyrics.

Utterly good that is (except the 'press my face' which breaks up the imagery).

[Underwater Ophelia]

Could you explain about the face-pressing? I don't think I know what you mean.

[Methadrine]

Hm, not sure how to explain.. it's like a declaration from one to another about how he/she feels, and all the sudden this person takes the other persons arm and shove his/her face into a wound on it. Odd, in a way. (but that is just how I perceive this poem. Others may look at it completely different.)

[Kanedawg]

I like the face pressing myself. Threaded in a rather... Poppy Z.
Brite-like jolt. I see it in a horror mag for that reason. Unless I'm off base.

[Apathy's_Child]

You've nailed the "show, don't tell" factor. This is what usually seems to happen when somebody around here decides to write a love poem:

"I shall write a poem.

"But what shall I write on?

"I know! It will be a poem about love. All the greats have done it, after all.

"But how do I make mine original?....................

"EUREKA!!!! I'll either make it really dark and twisted by throwing in a load of stuff about biting each during lovemaking and death and allusions to vampirism, or I'll use "thee" and "thine" instead of modern personal pronouns. No-one else ever thought of that!"

I love it your poetry has none of that aura around it.

For the record, I like the face pressing............. reminds me of face-sitting, which obviously gets me hard.

[StasisInDarkness]

I love the parenthetical, that detail which to others may seem inconsequential.

This is a remarkable piece, but I feel that the last line does not live up to the rest of the poem. Is there any way for you to choose more original imagery to convey the same message?

[Rotting Corpse]

It gives you a wierd feeling inside....You're not exactely happy or sad...It's nice the found a place to be together,yet you feel the pain lurking within....