Policy

Stormtrooper of Death · 03-22-2008, 05:57 PM

This is the counterpart to my No Policy story. The setting is L.A. in 2012. The Earth has been invaded by an alien race known as the Garnok. The story follows a one Trooper Jack Sines and his squad's fight in L.A. He is part of The United Earth Defence Forces (UEDF).

Chapter One

We came across the dead trooper as we swept Sector 2. I managed to get his AK-74M and remaining ammo, seeing as my M-16 was lost last week in a bloody battle by Compton. "Hey Sarge! He left a journal!" Frampton called to Seargant DuPriey. The Sarge looked at it and threw the jounal on the ground. "Bloody rubbish it is. Let's go boys we got to move." The Sarge was British Army and intergrated into our squad after the fall of England 2 years ago. Frampton was our heavy weapons expert and carried our flamethrower. Praxton was short and skinny sniper that almost never talked. Billins was a giant of man that specialized in vehicle repair and chewing tobacco. Cabbs was a smooth talking gang member we picked up in Compton and was our "tour guide" for LA. Lastly there is me. Trooper Sines. I specialize in napalm and other fun explosives. I was regular US Army and now am here with the UEDF. "Let's go, c'mon lads" the Sarge repeated and we began to march forward. Safeties off. Ready to roll.

"I can have her rollin' in 10 minutes Sarge" Billins bellowed.
"Well go to it Private" was the clipped reply. Billins nodded and broke out his small cache of tools. "Check out and secure the area. Stay frosty" We all nodded and began to scan. A burned out Cadillac blocked an alley full of dead corpses. I heard this sector was hit hard but I never thought this hard. I began to vox "Sarge, I got...." My message was cut off sharply with a burst of gunfire in my direction. Shit! A Garnok brute fired his stubber in my direction sloppily. I returned fire with the AK on full auto. "Guys I need some help here!" 3 5.45 bullets hit the brute in the chest with no effect. Fuckin A! I fired again, aiming for the head. "We got ya!" Frampton swept around the corner followed by Praxton. A woosh of flame engulfed the brute as Praxton fired his PSG-1 into the thing's face. More 5.45mm full metal jacketed rounds splatered the things head. Finally it went down. At the cost of 15 rounds. That left me with 1 full mag and this half empty one. Shit. I walked back to the sounds of cursing and a wrench hitting metal, with full force. "Try it now Sarge!!" Chugga chugga chugga, the old truck fired over, black smoke billowing out of the stack. "Load up!!"

End of Chapter 1.

So? Comments.

dark_dragon_of_ice · 03-22-2008, 05:59 PM

Nice. I had the idea of us writing a story about a revolt with G net people as the people in it..I think it would be sweet.

Stormtrooper of Death · 03-22-2008, 06:03 PM

Wow that was fast. My other story only had one reply!! I think that would be a fun idea. Us? As in us two? Or everybody?

dark_dragon_of_ice · 03-22-2008, 06:03 PM

Everybody who wants to.

Stormtrooper of Death · 03-22-2008, 06:08 PM

I'm up for it.

dark_dragon_of_ice · 03-22-2008, 06:15 PM

Sweet..now how to start it..

Stormtrooper of Death · 03-22-2008, 06:18 PM

That is a good question. I think with somebody getting shot. Perhaps that could work.

dark_dragon_of_ice · 03-22-2008, 06:27 PM

Maybe done by some police force of the government while suppressing the general populace thus starting the revolution.

Stormtrooper of Death · 03-22-2008, 06:28 PM

See? You got a good start already!

dark_dragon_of_ice · 03-22-2008, 06:47 PM

So is that dead guy the guy in the last story?

KontanKarite · 03-22-2008, 07:19 PM

I'll be a dead guy. But I want to come back as a ghost or daemon AKA an idea. A collective spirit of the people.

JCC · 03-23-2008, 04:33 AM

Okay, I'll comment on the actual story.

It's not as good as 'No Policy'. I still think it's alright, but it lacks that personal style that the other had, and the grammatical errors and length really distract from it. That's not a chapter. Even if you were doing a short story (which, in general, don't have chapters anyway), it would need to be fleshed out considerably. For a good short story where the characters can properly develop and you can really get a point across, it should be about 40 pages, half a novella size.

gothicusmaximus · 03-23-2008, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCC

For a good short story where the characters can properly develop and you can really get a point across, it should be about 40 pages, half a novella size.

A short story can easily be both high quality and shorter than 40 pages in length. In fact, I'd say 40's actually on the larger side of the spectrum as far as typical page count for that kind of work is concerned. 10 would be about average. See Chekhov, Hemmingway, et al.

JCC · 03-23-2008, 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

A short story can easily be both high quality and shorter than 40 pages in length. In fact, I'd say 40's actually on the larger side of the spectrum as far as typical page count for that kind of work is concerned. 10 would be about average. See Chekhov, Hemmingway, et al.

I'm reading Chekhov at the moment. Compare 'The Duel' to 'The Kiss'. While both are excellent, 'The Duel' focuses on a character development and is considerably lengthy. On the other hand, 'The Kiss' is a description of a brief happening and the character's introverted reaction to it.

From reading 'Policy' and 'No Policy', I think that it suits a length more similar to 'The Duel' than 'The Kiss'.

But we'll have to see how his story plays out.

Stormtrooper of Death · 03-23-2008, 01:01 PM

Chapter 2

"He's suffering from an extreme case of PTSD. Trooper Sines, serial number 867530988661258. He took part in the First Galactic War, mainly around L.A in 2012-2016. He was commited by his brother in 2018. We don't know much apart from the fact he is extremely violent and has nearly killed 4 men while here. We keep him in isolation 24/7 and he is quiet while in here, and reads almost all the time, I'm going to play this for you. It's a story of his." The doctor reached over and activated the hologram.

"So Jack, tell me more about the battle in Compton. What was it like?" I smiled and shook my head. "All you doctors are the same, everything is fun and games to you. Everything is textbooks and charts. But I'll tell you what happened."

We moved in at 0000 hours. Pitch black out. My M-16 was ready to roll but I kept the suppressor fitted for our mission. Artillery flashed in the background and aircraft sept in with troopers 2 blocks away. We came up on the quiet lines and moved in. Low to the ground, we moved like ghosts on caffine. Two key ups on the mic. Now it was my turn at point. My M-16 raised I sighted the first Garnok Brute and pulled the trigger on full out. Bullets smacking into it's face and the others joined in. We countinued to move forward. "We got friendlies." called over the vox. A single man appeared, African American and wielding a shotgun. "Easy man! I'm on your side!" He called quickly. "Come with us ans stay quiet. Don't fire that shotgun, you'll give us away." He nodded and fell into line with us. We walked until we hit our target, the police station. "Flash!" We called. "Thunder" was the reply. 2 squads of heavy infantry greeted us. "We're here to help escort you out of Compton and back to UEDF lines. How's your situation?" The LT saluted back and began to speek. "We're nearly out of ammo and food. We have a heavy truck waiting 2 blocks west. I prefer to get moving now."

"Jack? Are you ok?! Get nurses in here! He's blacked out!" The doctor hit the stop button. "We still don't know why he blacked out. Our most accepted theory is the secrecy bug implanted by the UEDF to keep some information secret. But we still don't know"

Stormtrooper of Death · 03-23-2008, 06:11 PM

So? A little twist. Comments.