Clean, innocent and pure.

[JCC]

I remember when I was an ideal
And sin used to roll off me
Like I was a kitchen surface
And you could prepare your food on me
For I was clean
innocent
and pure.
The sun was like a blazing ball of butter
And my bright blue eyes
Calmed and soothed
And people would find solace in me
I was obedient
unrebellious
pure.
One day I found a book
The sallow thin paper
Smelt of age
Smelt of decay
And the sense was intoxicating
For I was previously clean
and innocent
and pure
and I couldn't wait to escape.
I entered into another world
Of fantasy and wonder and expression and of unrelenting
Individualism and true, natural, beautiful humanity
And my bright blue eyes
No longer shone with lovely manipulable innocence
For I was a vagabond youth and my
innocence and purity was slowly
deconstructed.
My hair grew greasy and lank
My clothes baggy and hanging and my
Thoughts deviated into the taboo
And the buttery sun turned into a blazing danger signal
Burning with an intense fear
A siren from the heavens that
A mind has been freed tonight and is burning with intensity.

I felt liberated.
And the lovely clean, innocent purity
Was gone.

[Opteron_Man]

Wow, nice read.

[prophecyofdoom]

Can one be pure in heart and soul if exposed to impure things?

[JCC]

Originally Posted by prophecyofdoom

Can one be pure in heart and soul if exposed to impure things?

Yes. True impurity is freedom from the confines of social acceptibility, to be exposed to impure things is only to see the other side. To be free is to live it.

[Apathy's_Child]

This reminds me of a Keats poem (can't remember which) about a young man who got "sick" from reading too many books. Nice take on an idea which permeates western thought (the sin/freedom polarity).

[JCC]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

This reminds me of a Keats poem (can't remember which) about a young man who got "sick" from reading too many books. Nice take on an idea which permeates western thought (the sin/freedom polarity).

Anything I can change apart from the repetition of 'burning intensity' (I only just noticed it) at the end to improve it?

[Apathy's_Child]

I entered into another world
Of unrelenting, true, natural, beautiful humanity.

I'd suggest this minor condensation. I didn't notice the burning intensity repetition - maybe "spinning with fear" or something?

[JCC]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

I entered into another world
Of unrelenting, true, natural, beautiful humanity.

I'd suggest this minor condensation. I didn't notice the burning intensity repetition - maybe "spinning with fear" or something?

Thanks.

Do you reckon this is my best yet? I'm having trouble finding a style to stick to. On the one hand, I love the eloquent verbal masturbation and classic poetic form of 'In My Sea' and 'I Am The River', it's like my ode to French Symbolism, and then this was my ode to Bukowski. I could maybe try and meld the two, or just pander to my moods.

[Apathy's_Child]

I think you already have a very distinctive style. Don't worry about narrowing it down - all the best poets go through stages, which is why you talk about their early work as opposed to their latest. No-one would bother with a volume of poetry if they thought they were gonna be reading the same poem over and over. Keep experimenting, you're doing some really cool stuff.

[acidxrainbows]

Extremely good.
I liked it quite a bit, especially how you repeated the 'clean and innocent and pure' part.
Great job. :]