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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 11-21-2008, 04:00 PM   #1
LadyMonochrome
 
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Some poetry...

A friend of mine, one Chelsea Dingman, is putting together a collection of her poetry to publish, and asked me to do some advertising. The following poems are probably not going to be included in the book, but she hopes you'll want to get the book after having read these samples.

"Ethereal"

Breathy.
A delicate nuance,
A blend of pastel devotion
And laughter,
Like windchimes in the distance.
Iridescent dreams
Gently cascading into my outstretched hand.
A silken touch,
A wistful glimpse of unmarred
Sweetness.
Enchantingly haunted voices
Echo unto me
Calling out so softly as if
To make not a
Sound at all..

"Melancholy"

Surly skies
Plagued by distraught clouds
The silence presses down around me
All shades of blue and grey
A looming presence unfurls
Akin to the Hand of God
Wrapping its angry fingers, slowly,
Languidly about my fragile neck
Smothering.

"Who Will Save You Then?"

Why are you laughing?
Do you realize what you're doing to me
With every lie you believe I cannot hear?
You think you're so clever
But they really aren't that new.
I've heard them many times before
So why do they still cut me?
Maybe it's your shallow expression
As those words ooze from your mouth.
Like toxic waste, they poison everyone
Including the few I considered friends..
They're hopeless cases, I know that now.
Pretending to be kind to the scapegoat
Self-righteous bastards, including you.
But I won't move, won't say a word
As you continue to insult with a smile.
I will return your hate for hate,
Your stare for mine.
But before you open your mouth to say
Yet another scornful accusation, consider this:
Liars are sinners, like the rest of us
And I will see you in Hell.

"Spellbound"

Dancing eyes and insolent grins
Forest scent and midnight hair
I remember him
I can't pull away
Touch.
Smile.
Laugh.
Kiss.

Warm breath and whispered words
Silken lips and ready hands
He steals my will
He ruins me
Touch.
Wonder.
Embrace.
Love.
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Old 11-21-2008, 04:03 PM   #2
Bat Attack
 
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I read the first one.
I don't like it. It's lacking originality and creativity, and it has "nothing behind it" as it were.
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:23 PM   #3
LadyMonochrome
 
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... I'll let her know you said so. Although, for some reason I don't think she'll care... Constructive criticism is one thing, but outright put-downs aren't going to do her any good. If you think you have something helpful to say, I could give you her email address, but that's not gonna happen if you just spew insults.
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:28 PM   #4
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It is constructive critism. How can I insult someone I don't know? They are merely comments on her poetry.
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Old 11-21-2008, 06:30 PM   #5
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I'm saying that, not only for your benefit, but for anybody else who happens to read her poems and think it'd be fun to bash them. I'm sorry if I came off as defensive, but Chelsea's like a little sister to me-- I don't want her to get hurt needlessly.
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