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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
12-02-2008, 01:29 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Chicago
Posts: 20
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Love poem? What do you think?
"See my love, I cannot tell
Screaming what my hear begins to yell
I'll break my promise, set me free
Bring my love/Back to me
Here I am/The tower that fell
See my love/I cannot tell
Release my spirit/Set me free
Bring my love/Back to me."
Short and sweet, I know. But critique is much appreciated. :]
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12-02-2008, 01:35 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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Have you ever read a poem that really inspired you?
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12-02-2008, 08:06 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Chicago
Posts: 20
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by JCC
Have you ever read a poem that really inspired you?
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Yes...why?
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12-02-2008, 08:21 PM
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#4
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 119
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If you didn't get what he was implying, I feel sorry for you...
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12-02-2008, 08:47 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Harlem
Posts: 6,909
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It's not good. But at least it's not kitschy like a fuck load of other poetry on here.
__________________
No Gods. No Kings.
Not all beliefs and ideas are equal.
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12-03-2008, 12:31 AM
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#6
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Dragoness2071
Yes...why?
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What was it?
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12-03-2008, 12:39 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Chicago
Posts: 20
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by JCC
What was it?
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Well, I wasn't basing this off of something else I read. I based it off of a personal matter.
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12-03-2008, 12:44 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Dragoness2071
Well, I wasn't basing this off of something else I read. I based it off of a personal matter.
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Not the point. What are some poets/poems that really influence you?
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12-03-2008, 12:50 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,721
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It's one cliche after another. Say something that either hasn't been said before, or find a new way of saying it, otherwise it's just an exercise in redundancy.
Also, read a lot of poetry, and don't let the Romantics dominate your reading. Some are great FOR THEIR OWN TIME, but it's over, dude. Read the modernists, imagists, and visionaries. Shit, read everything you can get your hands on, and take as much notice of what you don't like as what you do.
__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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12-03-2008, 07:51 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: CA
Posts: 667
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Dragoness2071
"See my love, I cannot tell
Screaming what my hear begins to yell
I'll break my promise, set me free
Bring my love/Back to me
Here I am/The tower that fell
See my love/I cannot tell
Release my spirit/Set me free
Bring my love/Back to me."
Short and sweet, I know. But critique is much appreciated. :]
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"Bring my love , my love
, back to me ."
Sorry , I was reading it and adding this all the time ...
Not bad at all . Kind of like it .
Or ...
"bring the love , my love
, back to me ."
__________________
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
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12-03-2008, 08:09 PM
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#11
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Chicago
Posts: 20
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child
It's one cliche after another. Say something that either hasn't been said before, or find a new way of saying it, otherwise it's just an exercise in redundancy.
Also, read a lot of poetry, and don't let the Romantics dominate your reading. Some are great FOR THEIR OWN TIME, but it's over, dude. Read the modernists, imagists, and visionaries. Shit, read everything you can get your hands on, and take as much notice of what you don't like as what you do.
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Hm. Well, I guess I'm more of a story writer than a poet. :]
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12-03-2008, 11:38 PM
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#12
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: California
Posts: 613
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"make it I miss seeing you so much I want scatch my eyes out with razor blades."
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12-04-2008, 09:26 AM
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#13
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Dragoness2071
Hm. Well, I guess I'm more of a story writer than a poet. :]
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I bet you're neither, and I bet you won't be anything near either of them until you start reading good literature.
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12-04-2008, 01:02 PM
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#14
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,687
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Dragoness2071
Hm. Well, I guess I'm more of a story writer than a poet. :]
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And I guess you're even more of a dragon slaying ninja princess than a story writer!
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12-04-2008, 01:09 PM
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#15
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Your mother.
Posts: 1,044
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Read James Joyce's literature.
__________________
The Overture To The Symphony Of Destruction.
I am the Antiproduct!
There is, they say, no fool like an old fool - Golding.
" All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting." - Orwell.
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12-06-2008, 06:14 AM
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#16
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 690
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What JCC is trying to say is that your poem sucks because you don't read any poetry.
You think, like every moron today with a myspace account or a blog, that anyone can take part in art regardless of experience, and trump off more degenerate poorly-devised trash in the vain hope that some other like-minded philistine will go "oh yeah, I really understand the depth of your imagery there - well done! (I look forward to seeing more from you)."
Read a few more actual poems and get a fucking style before you even attempt to take this art form on.
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