My OCD friend

Lady_Alyce · 04-15-2009, 05:31 PM

I have a friend who was diagnosed as OCD and, from observation, it seems that she has severe OCD. Her behavior is much like Adrian Monk from that t.v. series "Monk". When she gets panicky and faces something she thinks she can't deal with, she has watered down "Raymond actions" ("Rain Man"). We met a couple of months ago and I'm the first friend she's had in a few years because she was labled as a loser at public school and couldn't adjust. I'm the only one who had the guts to sit next to her and help her stay focused in class (most of my classmates are wusses). Now, she's REALLY clingy to me. I kept up with her and made sure she was focused and tried to keep her from totally losing it.
Now, since then, she decided she wants to be goth. To her, this makes us "sisters". Now, I think I'm going to snap. I can put up with her trying to please me and some of her rituals that she created that include me, and all the other crap that comes with having OCD. Now she's taken some of my clothing (she has as little black in her wardrobe) and its a battle to get them back. She skips out on doing her homework and classwork and expects me to give her the answers. She also takes numerous amounts of paper, my writing utensils, and even writes in my books and draws in my sketchbook that I present to my art teacher every few days. Sometimes she insists I stop taking notes and play with her hair to "seal the friendship" or "because it feels good". She then passes notes to me and insists I block out class and occupy her with something to do. She expects me to "keep everyone quiet" so she can read/draw and not do classwork. She also asks me to everything for her while she sits on her ass and waits around. She has no sense of reality actually is like (she has problems with being told what to do. She tells me she wants to be an author because authors "don't get told what to do"). She also talks above everyone (screaming in my ears) and often pisses off the teachers because to her, she has to come first.
When I don't participate with the "rituals" or demand her to put my stuff back, she panics, then calms down and locks herself up into a hibernatation mode. Gosh, I'm seriously going to hit her with some reality bricks if she doesn't stop.

draven_noir · 04-15-2009, 07:20 PM

Well its unfortunate to hear that and that many like myself have been in situations where we don't have the heart to tell people, but in your case its like a bomb. Not sure where your from, but a girl with a disability that severe should not even be in a public school as it interferes with other students education. With someone as delicate as her, I would attempt to let go of certain things slowly (keep in mind im no expert and im only 22). My solution would be to discontinue certain activities with her and offer compelling reasons why. If she repeatedly asks or persists be patient and try to keep offering more reasons and somewhat ignore her (though not completely). This is just my 2 cents, sorry if I can't be much help but you really should talk to someone within the community to help out with the situation.

Good luck!

Solumina · 04-15-2009, 08:29 PM

You need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself, you can't sacrifice your own well being to help her. What she needs is a friend who will be there for her to talk to but also someone who can provide some reality by saying no. Tell her that you need this friendship to be an equal partnership and that right now it feels like she is taking advantage of you (though it is a good idea to stress that you think this is unintentional so that she doesn't get defensive as she seems the type).

RozzVanian · 04-15-2009, 09:02 PM

OCD is a bitch. I have a form of it, and it really dominates my ability to perform basic tasks. But gosh, I'd be lying if I said I don't get really pissed off at people sometimes when they show strong signs of OCD.

My friend has it, and he's constantly yelling at me about what I touch and where I place things, and he can't let anything go until he feels it's perfect.

Kasdeja · 04-16-2009, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RozzVanian

OCD is a bitch. I have a form of it, and it really dominates my ability to perform basic tasks. But gosh, I'd be lying if I said I don't get really pissed off at people sometimes when they show strong signs of OCD.

My friend has it, and he's constantly yelling at me about what I touch and where I place things, and he can't let anything go until he feels it's perfect.

I, too, was diagnosed with OCD years ago and I've been placing things and moving stuff the "right way" since childhood.

Don't get pissed, just move on.

Mr E Nigma · 04-16-2009, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RozzVanian

My friend has it, and he's constantly yelling at me about what I touch and where I place things, and he can't let anything go until he feels it's perfect.

Don't touch his shit? Seems like the obvious solution. (I've got OCD as well, my mom uses me to align all the paintings/frames in the house. And you don't want to see me in a bookstore... >_> I avoid them for the most part and order most books online because of it.)

As a person with OCD, before I realized it, I used to wonder how people could do stuff like that, then it was pointed out I did as well. So I figured out what compels me to fix things, and have them lined up straight. Making sure it's organized. It's odd though, if a corner of a desk is littered, it kills me, if the entire desk is littered I'm okay, it's like as long as the chaos is everywhere, to me, it seems like organized chaos.)

But what 'compels me, is if I see something like a frame or a book spine, or a single piece of trash, or the tv color being slightly distorted in one spot I get this weird nudging feeling in my head. Not necessarily a headache, it's not painful, but an uncomfortable sensation resembling something like that and for some reason it won't go away unless I fix whatever is causing it. I swear up and down I could tell if your picture frame is too far to the left by a millimeter from being centered. or if it's slightly tilted. Also houses that aren't level, annoy the hell out of me, I can't go in some of my friend's houses for that reason. But my OCD only deals with things that are out of place, once in awhile I have to do something weird like beeping the car 3 times after it's locked or triple checking the locks on all the doors entering the house before I go to bed. Nothing like your friend though. That sucks. I mean I've gotten pissed at someone who insisted helping me with an art project once and I finally said they could, after 5 minutes I told them to stop 'cause they were putting down too much hot glue. I knew it was pointless, but they insisted anyways.

All I can say is, tough love is the way to go. Tell her when she needs to do homework, or at least that you do. You can't blow it off you actually want to graduate, etc... You just have to figure a way to put things in perspective for her.

Lady_Alyce · 04-16-2009, 03:12 PM

Yes, I try to put things in perspective for her, saying stuff like "well, you'll have a job one day and you'll have to know this stuff, so you might want to make it a habit now..." she just answers with the "I know but...." then never finishes the sentence.
I did actually not bring anything to school but my notebook and left everything else at home. She slapped me in the head when I told her I didn't have it. She also suggested that I wait a year to go to college and then we both go to the same college and be roomates. Thank God I'm making a run for an Ivy League.

maggot · 04-16-2009, 03:15 PM

start being really rude to her until she gives up and leaves you alone.

voodoowitchdr · 05-01-2009, 10:29 AM

Try using a mild form of adversive control. If she bugs you try ignoring her or not sitting next to her for a while. Then go back and try it again. After doing this for a while she might get the picture.

Lady_Alyce · 05-01-2009, 07:36 PM

I've actually been using a really strange technique when necessary. voodoowitchdr, I have been using the technique you suggested, and she seems to be kind of sort of getting it. Strange technique: When she panics over one of her phobias, I slowly convince her that her phobia is very far away and that she mistook it (e.g., fear of spiders. she saw a spider and flipped out. I convinced her that spiders aren't bad, we just believe they are because they look scary). My counselor said that I shouldn't do that alot or make ridiculous efforts to get her to quit.
Still, it's miserable to a certain degree.