Shark Week RPG

[Sinjob]

Jesus Gothicus...So much free time.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Sinjob

Jesus Gothicus...So much free time.

It took me ten minutes. You're just jealous that you didn't invent Shark Week RPG.

[Sinjob]

I am. Unfortunately shark week doesn't do it the same way it did when I was younger.

[Despanan]

I summon mega-ultra chicken.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

I'd scrounge outside to find a small neighbor to feed to it. I want my shark well-fed and sassy!

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

You head outside. Immediately, you notice someone you've seen around the neighborhood, desperately crawling his way towards you as blood seeps from the gushing wound where once was his left leg. Fading fast, he mutters, almost inaudibly, "sh-shark"...
What now?

Perfect ... he's already partially pre-digested. I pick up the sob-wracked wreck of a once-man and haul him into the house, then toss the remainder of his body into the tub from a safe 4 foot distance as his last gasps expell from his body.

Bloody hell, this is going to get tiresome. I need a more efficient feeding plan. I'll have to work on it. And also of concern is finding out where the other shark is that bit this poor bloke in the first place. Is it a shark invasion? Must be alert and watch my step.

Crossing out all occurrences of the word "zombie" in my zombie survival plan and replacing them with the word "shark".

[vindicatedxjin]

Originally Posted by Despanan

I summon mega-ultra chicken.

Arise chicken, Arise.

[Anarasha]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

You shower thoroughly, taking time to maneuver the Danish soap-surrogate under each of your rolls of fat. Your hair is scrupulously color-guard shampooed, your septum piercing is lathered with antibiotics, and you are as clean as ever. There's still a shark in your tub, though. What now?

I'm gonna feed him regularly and keep him as an awesome pet. Forevermore, I will just shower and soap my rolls of fat, thoroughly avoiding the shark's teeth.
Meanwhile, I shall start training him to walk on land. He is now a vital part in my plot for world domination!

[Saya]

Is someone going to cast resurrection, or should I just roll a new character?

[Anarasha]

*attempts to cast ressurection on Saya*
Now we shall await the Gamemaster's roll of the dice to decide whether or not you shall rise and live another day.

[Breathless Horror]

Resurection doesn't require a die roll. The character comes back, fully healed, minus one character level.

Fuck...I'm such a loser *sob*

[Anarasha]

Aha o.o Cool. Saya is alive again, though she is now one year younger.

[Breathless Horror]

I wonder if you can teach a shark to roll spliffs....

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

The beast does not seem pleased. Indeed, one might judge it to be rather upset.
What next?

Psh you just don't know his happy face.

For a more precise plan of action I need to know what type of shark this is. Does everyone have bull sharks or do we all have different types of shark? Also if it is a bull it couldn't be full grown cuz then it wouldn't fit so what size is it?

In the meantime I'll toss him some chicken, even if I think raw chicken is icky, because sharks like chicken.

[vindicatedxjin]

Billy witch doctor work mostly with chicken.

[Despanan]

Mega Ultra Chicken, Attack the Shark's Life Points DIRECTLY!

Mind Crush!

[carakitty]

Like Solumina, I also need to know what kind of shark I have. For now I"m going to call it Kenny and let it continue to reside in the tub, adding some water if possible. I also will get the Ahi Steaks defrosting for our newest aquatic addition and hope it approves of my efforts.

HT, you are brilliant! I <3 U. You just made me snort my granola.

[Ben Lahnger]

So, I'm not one normally to criticize people for actually having more important things to do in their real lives than get on the internet and make time-wasting posts to a bunch of anonymous strangers, but I'm a bit concerned.

Gothicus, please tell me you didn't just invent Shark Week RPG for me to play only for me to learn that I'll actually get about two turns during Shark Week.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Catch

Let's see, it couldn't be a large shark. If it was larger probably wouldn't go into the bathroom. Perhaps I could entertain it with bathtoys like rubber duckies or let it chew on a stick. Then put it back in the salt water aquarium.

To your shock, the shark is unamused by rubber duckies. It does, however, very much appreciate your waving a stick in its face, as that affords it a way by which to yank you into the tub and eat you.

Originally Posted by Hearts_Purple

My bath tub doesn't have a stopper so I guess I'd just wait till it suffocates in the air, then chop off it's head and skin it.

Delighted by the triumph of your advanced primate intelligence, you drag your kill to the kitchen for preparation. There is a fucking shark in your sink.
What do you do?

Originally Posted by Saya

Is someone going to cast resurrection, or should I just roll a new character?

The searing, mind-shredding pain fades, and you embrace the sweet release of death.
Then, your eyes open. You are submerged in a shallow pool of water-- but you can breathe unhindered. Blah blah blah you're not retarded, you have turned into a shark. Some goth piece of shit, carrying a beheaded shark carcass, is staring at you menacingly. What do you do?

Originally Posted by Solumina

Psh you just don't know his happy face.

For a more precise plan of action I need to know what type of shark this is. Does everyone have bull sharks or do we all have different types of shark? Also if it is a bull it couldn't be full grown cuz then it wouldn't fit so what size is it?

In the meantime I'll toss him some chicken, even if I think raw chicken is icky, because sharks like chicken.

You have a Mako Shark. It fits in your tub, okay? It appreciates the chicken, but its hunger is a bottomless pit. What do you do?

Originally Posted by Despanan

Mega Ultra Chicken, Attack the Shark's Life Points DIRECTLY!

Mind Crush!

http://www.billcurtsingerphoto.com/*...ereatsbird.jpg

Originally Posted by Carakitty

Like Solumina, I also need to know what kind of shark I have. For now I"m going to call it Kenny and let it continue to reside in the tub, adding some water if possible. I also will get the Ahi Steaks defrosting for our newest aquatic addition and hope it approves of my efforts.

Hammerhead shark. As you go to fetch your Steaks from the freezer, you notice its internal temperature has risen significantly. Indeed. your ice-cubes have melted, leaving behind pools of water-- WITHIN EACH OF WHICH IS AN IMPOSSIBLY TINY SHARK. What do you do?

Originally Posted by Ben

Perfect ... he's already partially pre-digested. I pick up the sob-wracked wreck of a once-man and haul him into the house, then toss the remainder of his body into the tub from a safe 4 foot distance as his last gasps expell from his body.

Bloody hell, this is going to get tiresome. I need a more efficient feeding plan. I'll have to work on it. And also of concern is finding out where the other shark is that bit this poor bloke in the first place. Is it a shark invasion? Must be alert and watch my step.

Crossing out all occurrences of the word "zombie" in my zombie survival plan and replacing them with the word "shark".

The man is shredded to nothing, denouncing you as a traitor to your species with his last anguished breath. You listen unfeelingly, peering out the window in an attempt to gauge what sort of horrible apocalypse is unfolding. At the end of the street you see the wreck of a sedan, wrapped around a destroyed, still leaking fire hydrant. The released water seems to have collected in a large pothole-- and although its darkened by blood, you can see the vague shape of a huge fucking shark, circling within.
What do you do?

[vindicatedxjin]

-_- that was just way too much to read.

[gothicusmaximus]

I forgot Anarasha.

I'm gonna feed him regularly and keep him as an awesome pet. Forevermore, I will just shower and soap my rolls of fat, thoroughly avoiding the shark's teeth.
Meanwhile, I shall start training him to walk on land. He is now a vital part in my plot for world domination!

Oh, Anarasha. I don't think you took Shark Week RPG seriously enough, and that, my friend, was your downfall. You recognize that providing the shark with any means by which to reach you with its teeth is a poor idea, and yet you profess an intent to teach it terrestrial locomotion.
Your overweening thirst for power doomed you. You are eaten.

[vindicatedxjin]

I'm angry with you...

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by vindicatedxjin

I'm angry with you...

I'm angry with me too.

[vindicatedxjin]

You forgot me!

[Saya]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

The searing, mind-shredding pain fades, and you embrace the sweet release of death.
Then, your eyes open. You are submerged in a shallow pool of water-- but you can breathe unhindered. Blah blah blah you're not retarded, you have turned into a shark. Some goth piece of shit, carrying a beheaded shark carcass, is staring at you menacingly. What do you do?

Retaining my human memories, I splash wildly to get the goth wet, so that her mascara and ten pounds of eyeliner runs into her eyes, blinding her. I then attempt to communicate with her by Morse code, tapping my fin on sink, to reassure her that until recently I was human and I pose no threat. My meat is also spoiled with mercury.

[d0p3y]

You fashion a sign promoting your affordable mini-aquarium and venture outside, only to be taken aback as someone thrusts a shotgun in your face. "That supposed to be some kind of sick joke?"
Just beyond the barrel, you see the crazed eyes of a stocky, roughly middle-aged man-- his hair and clothes suggest he's literally rolled out of bed not too long ago.
What do you do?

I notice that the man is holding the shootgun backwards, so i kick him in the nuts and keep the shootgun to protect my new mini-aquarium bussiness...