KiriGami

[Murder.Of.Crows]

I begin this story, with not the intent to prove the world a sick and twisted tale, yet with the knowledge it is so. And with such a great travesty to God's eyes, we all seem to play a part in it. With this insight I show you the broken and frail existence. That of Kirigami. An art of torn souls intertwined.

Ashley Lovecraft
1

A melodramatic town, where gossip is the currency to buy respect. A place left to wither away beyond the depths of the forest. The sky is always clotted with a fog from a storm to pass. Rain is casual here. As if to add to the depressing scene.. I bring you to a place where the old come to die, yet inhabited by the young. Those with hope have escaped this redundant lifestyle. Only the trapped remain.
If there ever be a person misplaced by fate. She would be that person. A young girl, at the age of seventeen. Her long blonde hair matching her perky and happy personality. She was not always blonde nor did she belong to this family. Forced to live in this town for a history only a prescription could fix. Adopted from a nameless mother.
Ashley knew that the mother that raised her, had not conceived her. Although her parents pretended that she did not. It was not important however, not to her anyways. Even though. Her curiosity often pried its way into her mind, leaving behind a different life that would play as a if it were an old film. It's grainy pictures incontinently blotting out her true mother's face. Those pictures were coursing through her subconscious, interrupted by the wailing cries of an alarm clock coming to life.
She stumbled from underneath her covers onto the cold linoleum floor. Her room at one point had carpeting, however blood is not an easy task to clean. A result of the medication she has taken since as long as she could remember. At one point in time she had stopped taking them, this town was a reminder to her of those consequences. A detail of history though, and not important to her today. Instead she was more concerned of the pounding in her head. She felt much like a corpse, slowly moving to the shower. Ironically, within the week she would be one.
The heat from the faucet graciously met the cold air of the room. To her pleasure the water seemed to also wash away the effects of her discovery from the night prior. It was her first experience of alcohol. One she would not forget. Especially since her "fun" to say, was spent over the large gaping mouth of a toilet. The smell of vomit still lingering in her hair, even as the water poured over her face.
Whatever bliss was held in the short moment of the hot water that trickled it's wondrous fingers into her frail skin, was just that, a short moment. She wandered aimlessly to the kitchen below the second floor to be greeted by her mother. Whom had nothing other than a scornful look held with an amount of contempt that would be surreal. It was obvious to Ashley, the criteria of the coming discussion, but nonetheless she played the innocent.

[Murder.Of.Crows]

Well i wrote this a while back, and understand it is a rough draft from another rough draft. so there are a lot of imperfections. Well, i became distracted by other projects and when coming back to this i lost my vision of what i wanted. So i figured i could get help from here, either in critique or something to get my train back on the tracks.

[deathbycherries]

Your descriptions are pretty good and well thought out. From what I see, you could probably work out more characters to add depth to the piece. I think you could really develop this piece. Perhaps break it into chapters and work on them. Ask yourself where you are going with it. As the story develops, don't be afraid to kill characters and jump in with both feet. Make crazy things happen because that's what people love to read. Also remember to show not tell. Try to be more vivid with imagery, but more direct and less fancy word use.

[Murder.Of.Crows]

No No, i planed all that before even writing. I hope, if the procrastination god is willing, i will be able to make this an entire book. and there will be deaths, as i intend this to be a horror novel. The problem lies in dialogue, or the extremely difficult writing process, without dialogue. I haven't made up my mind and have no idea how to show personality without dialogue. Also it will end in an asylum, but i can't figure out a way that an asylum full of people could all go insane and start killing each other without media or police finding out.... so i'm stuck

[deathbycherries]

Originally Posted by Murder.Of.Crows

No No, i planed all that before even writing. I hope, if the procrastination god is willing, i will be able to make this an entire book. and there will be deaths, as i intend this to be a horror novel. The problem lies in dialogue, or the extremely difficult writing process, without dialogue. I haven't made up my mind and have no idea how to show personality without dialogue. Also it will end in an asylum, but i can't figure out a way that an asylum full of people could all go insane and start killing each other without media or police finding out.... so i'm stuck

Well here's an idea, they could be the voices heard by someone...or even a ghost of a crazy person with the voices relaying the events...because ghosts relive events for eternity until they are "saved". I imagine this might help, because a ghost doesn't have a personality and neither would a hallucination if that makes sense.