A Proper Eulogy - Epitaph to a Troll

Despanan · 06-02-2011, 08:46 PM

Hello Gothic.net.

We are gathered here today, to mourn the loss, of one of the greatest members, that ever graced these forums:

http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._5562642_n.jpg

Kontan Karite 2007-2011
"Good-night, sweet prince; And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

Kontan...was a man. Cut down. In the prime of his trolling. By a cruel, indifferent, and spiteful god. Who is probably also ugly. And has no friends. And wears too much makeup.

Where's your benevolent god now Humaine Pain? Kontan is gone. Jesus is a lie.

I have. Compiled. A small video presentation. Of every member's reaction. Upon hearing. The unfortunate news. That KontanKarite had passed.

See if you can find yourself.

...But let us not dwell, on harsh realities. Let us reflect. On the good times.

Remember when Kontan told Opteron Man to continue with his research on perpetual energy? He really wanted him to succeed. Or fry himself into waffle batter. Maybe both. You could never really tell with Kontan.

Remember when Kontan Trolled Voltaire?

Remember when Kontan said this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I promote radical change through my actions

He had just posted shitting dick nipples and...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can continue. It was just...That was Kontan. Trawlin'. Nonstop.

Remember when Kontan Ragequit? Remember when he was Nightwalker34? Remember when Kontan asked Saya if she shaved her armpits? And she said no" and Kontan was aroused so he said this to Saya?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Carpet or linoleum?

And Saya said this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saya

carpet. Hardwood or softwood?

And Kontan said this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kontan

Damascus fucking STEEL!

Someday, I will destroy you.

http://thekaoseffect.com/blog/wp-con...son-crying.jpg

So. Beautiful.

Kontan was brilliant. Kontan was. beautiful. Kontan was. A troll. Kontan. Was. A. Complete. Moron. Kontan...Once considered. becoming. a blue-blood model. But alas that dream was not realized. because. he decided to go to school. Kontan was a scholar. and a gentlemen. And he once. Dressed up. In a top-hat, waist-coat, and steampunk goggles. And took pictures. Posing. around his couch.

So let us cry and remember. While Wendel W. T. sings, Tears in Heaven By Eric Clapton.

Goodbye my friend. My Brother. My Plutonic but still Bisexual Lifemate. You will be missed:

Near this Spot
are deposited the Remains of one
who possessed Beauty without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferosity,
and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.

This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
if inscribed over human Ashes,
is but a just tribute to the Memory of
KONTAN, a TROLL,
who was born in Gothic.net May 2007
and died at Whining June. 2, 2011.

When some proud Son of Man returns to Earth,
Unknown by Glory, but upheld by Birth,
The sculptor’s art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record who rests below.
When all is done, upon the Tomb is seen,
Not what he was, but what he should have been.
But the poor Troll, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his Master’s own,
Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonoured falls, unnoticed all his worth,
Denied in heaven the Soul he held on earth –
While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.

Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power –
Who knows thee well must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy tongue hypocrisy, thy heart deceit!
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye, who perchance behold this simple urn,
Pass on – it honors none you wish to mourn.
To mark a friend’s remains these stones arise;
I never knew but one – and here he lies.

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1147/...e29ed4397f.jpg

Despanan · 06-02-2011, 09:00 PM

By the way. I'm sorry I'm making so many threads about Kontan. I'm GRIEVING alright? Have a little sympathy, and post your favorite memory of Kontan Below.

http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._7981114_n.jpg

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._1252639_n.jpg

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot...6_711103_n.jpg

http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._3237919_n.jpg

Despanan · 06-02-2011, 09:03 PM

Goodbye my friend.

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._5593758_n.jpg

Solumina · 06-02-2011, 09:18 PM

Create as many threads as you need, whatever you must do to ease the pain. We understand that you are hurting, each and every one of us will feel this great loss but surely you must feel his absence most deeply of all.

Despanan · 06-02-2011, 09:40 PM

It's like the world is caving in. It's like god is trolling me.

I want to ragequit, but I know Kontan wouldn't want that.

Catch · 06-02-2011, 11:34 PM

That is so sad (for many reasons). You know, Krontan is not dead. His memory will live on with all of us and later through a new username. Blessed be the DK and other akas.

Gothic.net · 06-03-2011, 02:59 AM

For the record, the Kontan Karite user is not actually listed as banned. Some time ago, I'm guessing, they thought it would be witty to list their status as "Eyeball SPORKED!" That account is still active and visible.

Mr.Doobie · 06-03-2011, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Despanan

It's like god is trolling me.

Naw. Just the mods.

Despanan · 06-03-2011, 07:31 AM

He is a scamp.

Grausamkeit · 06-03-2011, 10:24 AM

I take it by posting and editing Boatswain's memorial that you are indicating the Kontan was your 'dawg'. Cute.

Versus · 06-03-2011, 12:15 PM

Who is Kontan?

Despanan · 06-03-2011, 01:09 PM

It works on a number of levels.

ssj_goku · 06-03-2011, 04:34 PM

DublinK got killd?

Im very srry for yor loss Deadpanman.

Despanan · 06-03-2011, 04:39 PM

Oh Jesus Christ you're back.

MechaSaya · 06-03-2011, 09:17 PM

The one known as Kontan wasn't banned. He was assimilated. His being is now a part of us.

Solumina · 06-03-2011, 10:25 PM

I was wondering how long it would be before goku showed up.

MissCheyenne · 06-04-2011, 04:00 PM

I MISS YOU DK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWdZEumNRmI

Catch · 06-04-2011, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssj_goku

DublinK got killd?

Im very srry for yor loss Deadpanman.

Now the uelogy is ruined!

Ben Lahnger · 06-05-2011, 11:08 AM

I'm sorry. I laughed, Despanan, but what the hell is WRONG with you?!?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ssj_goku

DublinK got killd?

Im very srry for yor loss Deadpanman.

Deadpanman? +1

First time I've really appreciated Goku showing up.

Despanan · 06-05-2011, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

I'm sorry. I laughed, Despanan, but what the hell is WRONG with you?!?!

My best friend is dead.

Still Jack · 06-05-2011, 03:52 PM

I'll miss that MoFo

Fruitbat · 06-05-2011, 08:52 PM

OMG!!!

Like who is, like totally not going to read my posts now?... Oh. My. God...

I'm sure he's waiting for you Desp in the big Chinese restaurant waiting room in the sky... or is that in the restaurant next door, I can never remember.

HumanePain · 06-06-2011, 05:55 PM

Oh hell, I'll bring him back to life. Watch:
Ahem

I remember the time Kontan got drunk (again) and changed his password, then sobered up and couldn't remember the new password. (snicker...chortle...guff-FAW!)

Ben Lahnger · 06-07-2011, 04:11 PM

HP, I was thinking it, but thanks for saying it!

Catch · 06-07-2011, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Oh hell, I'll bring him back to life. Watch:
Ahem

I remember the time Kontan got drunk (again) and changed his password, then sobered up and couldn't remember the new password. (snicker...chortle...guff-FAW!)

Where is he? Mmm, waiting around for a resurection? So, I bet he killed himself and he really is dead.