help with a school essay

[materialfehler]

hi, everyone!

austrian students have to write a long essay for a chosen subject that contributes to the "matura", the austrian A-levels.
my english teacher asked me to comment on articles about the gothic subculture.
well, i have some difficulties with a few expressions and stuff like that..
so maybe some of you want to help me?

what is better to write instead of the marked expressions?

1) As the people in the scene tend to be introverted and introspective, others might rather be of the opinion that no one can change other people’s minds, but everyone has to change himself or herself to achieve a better world.

2) In the second paragraph, Dillof describes one aspect of the Gothic Culture and their members, though very generalised. To outsiders the Goths’ faible for everything black, gloomy and macabre and their appearance must give them the impression that Gothics are obsessed with death and decay.
The next statement is again very generalised, but it is true that many Gothics feel inwardly dead, though most of them only from time to time.
Although Goths are not happy about the world and tend to have a pessimistic view, they actually have hopes, dreams and aspirations like anybody else, as they are in the human nature.

3) The author first describes the rejection of “middle class materialism and the well-planned, practical, sober-minded and boring bourgeois life”, which is not far away of the truth.

4) As I have already explained before, Gothic is not a political movement, so there certainly is no unequivocal opinion about democracy, but there is no unitary rejection of this political system.

5) There are also nearly every kind of religions, which are normally fronted by Goths with acceptance and tolerance, available.

6) This prejudice might be emerged from the topics that gothic literature, art and music deals with and again the faible for anything gloomy, dark and morbid.

7) The trend of staying pale is described very exaggerated.


thank you very much!

[horrorgirl]

You should ask questions instead of making statements.It might make things a bit easier for people to understand exactly what you want.

I always wanted to be a lab rat.

[materialfehler]

Originally Posted by horrorgirl

You should ask questions instead of making statements.It might make things a bit easier for people to understand exactly what you want.

I always wanted to be a lab rat.

these sentences are small parts of my already written essay. my teacher underlined them, but i don't know what i should write instead of the expressions that are written bold.
i am not so good at english, that's because i can't figure it out myself, so i thought, maybe some native speakers could help me.

hmmm....
for example, in 1) i want to say that the world becomes a better world, but everone has to change his/herself first. but my teacher is not happy with how i wrote it, she underlined the part of the sentence that is bold in the thread. how can i express the bold written part better?

or another example: what can i write instead of "to generalize" in 2)? is there a better expression of "generalise"?
i also don't know how to express that it's normal for human beings to have dreams and so on. i tried it (see the bold written part), but again, my teacher wasn't happy with it.

and so on.


it would be very nice if you could help me a bit with the expressions.

thx, materialfehler

[Shadowed Aegis]

Well, this does depend on what context you intended to say these things in, but you could perhaps try:

1) (I'll have to think on this one)

2) In the second paragraph, Dillof describes one aspect of the Gothic Culture and their members, though from a general point of view. To outsiders the Goths’ fable for everything black, gloomy, and macabre and their appearance must give them the impression that Gothics are obsessed with death and decay. The next statement is again an oversimplification but it is true that many Gothics feel inwardly dead, though most of them only from time to time. Although Goths are not happy about the world and tend to have a pessimistic view, they actually have hopes, dreams, and aspirations like anybody else. (I'd just cut it off there)

3) The author first describes the rejection of “middle class materialism and the well-planned, practical, sober-minded and boring bourgeois life”, which is not that far away from the truth.

OR

The author first describes the rejection of “middle class materialism and the well-planned, practical, sober-minded and boring bourgeois life”, which is not quite an accurate representation.

(Wasn't sure what context you were going for so I gave both)

4) As I have already explained before, Gothic is not a political movement, so there certainly is no unequivocal opinion about democracy. However, there is no outright rejection of this or any other political system.

5) A wide spectrum of religious denominations within the Gothic subculture are prevalent, since Goths are of the mindset of acceptance and tolerance.

6)This prejudice might be emerging from the topics that gothic literature, art, and music deal with as well as the misconception for stressing gloomy, dark, and morbid material.

7) The trend of staying pale is overexaggerated. (Unless you want to refer to how the author [I'm assuming Dillof is an author] refers to it in which case you could just say The trend of staying pale is described as overexaggerated, although that may be a tad clumsy).

[materialfehler]

@ shadowed aegis: thank you very much for your suggestions, they really helped me!

hey, you are interested in languages? how many do you speak?

[AlKilyu]

Do your own homework you lazy bastid.

[rockandrose]

[Shadowed Aegis]

Originally Posted by materialfehler

hey, you are interested in languages? how many do you speak?

Right now...maybe 1 and a half. It's more me wanting to learn (ie-finishing learning French and starting to learn German) more than actually knowing at the moment.

Originally Posted by Santarea

Yay!!!! We get to be school projects again!!! I KNEW there was a reason i joined this site.

As long as I don't get put in one of those science fair volcanoes to see how far it shoots me up in the air...

[materialfehler]

Originally Posted by AlKilyu

Do your own homework you lazy bastid.

learn to spell, you frustrated asshole

[AlKilyu]

Originally Posted by materialfehler

learn to spell, you frustrated asshole

...says the kid who needs to ask hundreds of strangers why his teacher outlines certain words on his elementry school homework.

[tekajo]

howbat dis.
joo put ina papah dat all da goffs sed fer joo to

Fuck the fucking off you fucking lazy bastard. Do your own fucking research and your own fucking homework.

No one helps me write my fucking papers.

[TeapotScar]

Originally Posted by materialfehler

learn to spell, you frustrated asshole

You must be doing really poorly in English. Because that's a really poor use of the word "frustrated", if I ever saw one.

[lizzy]

Didn't someone else post a thread asking for almost the same thing?

[Circle V]

There was a similar thread, yes. The assignment was different, I believe, as was the user. I think that one got torched and/or ignored to death.

[lizzy]

Lol, he or she should have been, and so should this one.

[Circle V]

*Restrains self from adding another to list*

I dislike people asking us to do their work for them. Asking for ideas or opinions is fine, but having us improve upon your word choice is stretching it.

[MedicGirl]

Wow...I hope I don't have to ask for help in Medic school.

Heh.

[MedicGirl]

Would you be my booty call? *hopes and dreams*

*giggles*

Anyway...I'm glad to know there's help if i need it...but knowing the full force of experienced paramedics at my fingertips...I hope to not have to ask.

(but there's always that comp. prereq.)

[MedicGirl]

Oh my.

That's all I'm allowed to say.

(married)

[Moonie]

love those male nurses.

my mom is a telemetrist(sp?) and she works with two male nurses that happen to be big teddy bears. they're the sweetest things, as is e_e.

[Saskir]

I honestly don't think I would ever bother asking for help with an essay. If your teacher has marked points that need to be sorted out, ASK HIM/HER WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE! We are not going to know what is going on in their head, even if we can be bothered to use our spooky Gothic powers to read his mind, before sacrificing a small hamster to an effigy of a small wax blob in a stereo-typical Gothic and occult ceremony.

Put THAT in your essay.

[Saskir]

To be honest, I hadn't actually read their responses. That was merely my first reaction to the thread. If i caused offence with my response, I apologise.

[Sanctus Dei]

Does anyone have a maze of tubes for to crawl through? If I'm under constant observation I could at least be doing something constructive.

Egads.. My parents didn't even help me with homework let alone a group of strangers.

[| BlackOps |Leader]

No One Loves You Go Cry About It!

[| BlackOps | couch]

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