Bisexual/Pansexual

[Lady Ruthven]

Hi everyone,

I've been reading the sexual orientation thread (which I won't revive because it's old) and am a bit confused about the difference between being bisexual and pansexual.

I'm female, attracted to both men and women and identify as bisexual. I am currently dating a guy but have had relationships with girls in the past. I am attracted to people for their looks and personalities and don't really think about their gender.

I don't know any transsexual people, so I can't say whether I am attracted to them or not. But cross-dressers are hot.

Does that make me bi or pansexual?

Thanks,

Lady Ruthven

[Timeless Rebellion]

I'm no expert on sexuality terminology, but as I've come to understand it, bisexuality means being able to be attracted to either gender, but pansexuality is not caring about gender. But generally, there seems to be some disagreement about what it means.

I personally am bisexual, but I am not shy to say that I am much more often attracted to women than to men. So I guess I wouldn't be defined as pansexual.

[Solumina]

You can id as both, older people tend to self describe as bisexual just because that term has was around when they realized they weren't monosexual (attracted to just one gender) and pansexual is a much newer term. There are a lot of people who say that bisexual means that you are just attracted to men and women and that it is trans-exclusionary but that isn't necessarily true when I use it I mean that I'm attracted to people of my gender and not of my gender those are the two categories that the "bi" refers to and that usage is pretty common in the bisexual community. I also usually just use the word queer in casual conversation because it is a broad umbrella term and it hasn't been eroticised in pop-culture to the extend that bisexual and pansexual have been.

In short just use whichever term you feel comfortable using, you are the one who gets to define your own sexuality.

[Saya]

I like pansexual, but I use queer because I like to avoid being bombarded with super invasive questions. A big reason I abandoned the term bisexual was because of negative experiences with the bisexual community, and adopting pan and queer just helped me come to terms with my sexuality and gender identity.

But honestly I just wish we could form a High Grand Council where LGBTQ gather to come up with labels that never originated as slurs or medical "conditions".

[Lady Ruthven]

Thanks for your help everyone. I think I will stick with bisexual for now, since I find the term pansexual tends to confuse people and lead to more invasive questions (outside of LGBT communities of course). Queer is a good word too, but my personal favourite is the term 'me' or 'individual' since everyone's sexual identity is different.

Saya, I love your High Grand Council idea, someone should definitely start an organisation like that.

[Catch]

Pansexual is a made-up word that means nothing. Gender, sexuality, transgender or asexuality. There are only two genders and sexs: Male or Female. Even if you're kind of a narcissist and like yourself, you're still male or female. Even if a hermaphrodite, choices include male or female. Even if lacking functioning genitalia, there is a gender option of male or female. Androgen implies both male and female, yet you're still human. Ergo, Bisexual means liking both genders or combination of...

[Murder.Of.Crows]

No, Catch you are wrong. Now shhhhh.

[ape descendant]

I go for pansexual, because it acknowledges the incredible diversity in human gender expression and sexual configuration. While I do kinda use the term queer here and there, the slurriness of it is sort of in the back of my mind so I don't really use it that often. I second the quiltbag high council meeting thing, that would be awesome, we could make it a potluck event!

Mind you I still use the term bisexual occasionally as well as the term lesbian (though not so much since the bf came along, most folks use the term for "women only" instead of a woman who is attracted to women) as self descriptors depending on the context of the conversation and the person I am talking with.

Pansexual is a perfectly good word to use, it's just as made up as any other regularly used an accepted word in the English language. I like it because it is a bit closer to the reality of my situation. Self identifying this way is also a useful way of saying, "no worries, I totally get non-binary expression" so that folks who do express in such a way have a little bit easier time telling who's cool about it without having to worry as much about people being callous jerks as much. So, it is actually a useful distinction based in nuanced discussion about sexual orientation and there are plenty of us who have found it quite useful. My only problem is that joke about being sexually attracted to cookware gets a little old after a while.

There are a myriad of gender expressions, it isn't just male/female. Sure there are plenty of people who identify as men and women, but there are also plenty of people who are gender-fluid, bi-gender, a-gender, and androgynous, that don't fit neatly into the male/female dichotomy. On top of that, there are plenty of people who have non-binary genital configurations, some folks have both, some folks have something in between. Intersex people do exist, both genitally and in a manner that involves secondary sex characteristics. Even chromosomal sex isn't always binary. Sex and gender are more like a rainbow than black and white.

[Timeless Rebellion]

Catch... every time I see your name as posting on here, I pray to deities I do not believe in that for once, you say something intelligent. So far, I have been disappointed every single time. Now shoo.

[Murder.Of.Crows]

Is there a term for "I really don't know, nor do I care about my sexuality. Because, It's taken me so long just to figure out where on the gender spectrum I stand, I really have no time to figure out where on the sexuality spectrum I am." ? Because, I'm that.

[ape descendant]

Sokay, you can just be in the quiltbag, it holds all the rainbow.

[Catch]

Originally Posted by Murder.Of.Crows

No, Catch you are wrong. Now shhhhh.

Even if a hermaphrodite is masturbating, they're just doing a man and a woman.

[Timeless Rebellion]

... ... what?

[Murder.Of.Crows]

I swear, all she does is vomit out words. I don't even think she knows what shape they make.

"Last nights carrots look like a giraffe, I'm gonna talk about giraffes now!"

[Timeless Rebellion]

Hahahahaha XD! Oh god, thanks for that MoC! XD

[TheLonelyGhost]

I know the difference between the two, but I've always hated putting labels on myself: especially whenever it comes to my sexuality. However I respect people for who they are, I never try to change people for what they are.

[Lilyth Von Gore]

*raises hand* Pansexual, here.
For me, Pansexuality is when you see the person for who they are rather than what gender they are. We're Gender blind, if you will.
It was described to me like this. People are like sweeties. You never pay attention to the wrapper, because what's inside matters more.