Goth Mummies And Daddys

[mortalitas incomitatus]

my son has a mo-hawk (his choice) so i wouldnt worry bout it.
plus he picked out two bestfriends at child care who's parents are all alternative. so the kids dont care how we dress or what we look like.
and in my experience most kids are very accepting of different things, kids love piercings and coloured hair and stripy stockings and big boots etc...
parents will and do often pass their narrowmindedness on to their kids but i would not worry bout it too much.
i think the problem with teasing will come in high school when children are less tolerant of anything different, but you have many years till then.
don't stress just be yourself.
xXx

[Blushing Heliophobe]

That's good to know! It is true about most kids I've interacted with. The kids of a friend of mine used to call my labret a face earring. I still worry, though.

The mister and I talk about how kids almost always have to *rebel* and with us as parents, what are they going to rebel against? With our luck we've decided we'll have preppy kiddies who are ashamed of our tats and insist we listen to what's on the Top 40 when their friends visit.

We'll love our kids no matter what 'label' they fit into, mind you, but it would be so beautifully ironic.

A mowhawk! That's just great. If we have a boy I have already given in to dad's requests that we shape his hair like a baby 'hawk.

[Wise Child]

Originally Posted by mortalitas incomitatus

every tom dick and harry felt they had the need/right to comment on my age when i was pregnant.
*hiss*

A friend of mine had her son when she was sixteen and while she was pregnant, it got to the point where she dreaded going out - she got disapproving glances wherever she went and kids, in particular, would hiss "slag" at her as she walked down the street. It must have been hard - obviously we did what we could for her, but ultimately it was something only she could face - and I have the utmost respect for anyone who can hold their head up throughout that kind of judgement. No, it's usually not ideal to get pregnant at such a young age - I'm speaking generally in terms of financial stability etc. - but the fact that those who find themselves in that situation take on the task of parenthood despite the fact that they face more adversity than older parents entitles them to respect in my opinion. Shit, I don't know if I'll ever be ready for it.

[WolfMoon]

Originally Posted by Manimal

Oh - and is it just me or are pregnant women - like a just a month or three - friggin hot as Hell?

No, it's not just you!

When I was only a few months along with Sevi I had a bunch of guys hit on me. I was shocked.


EPS, like there was ever any doubt that that boi is yours!

I've seen pix!

[Ben Lahnger]

I don't have much to say in this thread, but it's obvious to me after a page and one half that there is much need for it to be here ... as a sounding board, a place for advice and counseling, as well as affirmation. Plus, I just love the "my kid did this funny thing today" stories.

I dated a woman for 5 years, and then we separated after 9 years of marriage - in part because I wanted to have kids and she did not. There were other reasons, but that was a big one. Now it is many years later and I still do not have any kids.

It's okay if you have children by accident (should you choose to go ahead and keep them,) but don't treat them like an accident.

Don't ever take having these precious jewels for granted.

[mortalitas incomitatus]

isn't every one an accident now days?

who plans now days?

[Blushing Heliophobe]

*raises hand*

Not me!

[Ben Lahnger]

Remember earlier, when I said I still don't have any kids. Well, I kinda do ... I've unofficially become a guardian to my girlfriend's kids. So I have a question.

Should I be frustrated by the following?

The older of my girlfriend's two teenage daughters (the 17 year old) went to the nurse's office sick again today, and I had to go pick her up and bring her home again for (I'm estimating) the 10th time this school year. Now this child was/is daddy's little princess, and the way my girlfriend's ex raised her led her to believe she could do no wrong. She was spoiled and pampered ... and I guess I should be grateful that she is as grounded as she is at this point.

However, she is a hypochondriac and over sensitive, and so when she has the littlest blister or scratch, we hear from her about how painful it is. I always want to tell her how painful it is biting my tongue that hard, but I resist. I swear she has claimed to be too sick to be at school more days this year than all the days I missed in 12 years of public education.

Now here's the part that grates me. She's been this way for the nearly 5 years I've been dating her mother, and she's missed a bunch of days each year. But today when I went to the clinic to pick her up, she had convinced the nurse that she had a more significant problem than a tummyache. The nurse said that since she had run a fever so many times this year, we should have a doctor do some blood work on her and test to see if she has a compromised immune system!

Oh, yeah, that makes sense. She's missed a bunch of random days of school each year (all her life according to her mother) and suddenly we should jump up and pay for a doctor's office visit and medical bills for testing? This girl claimed a stomachache today because yesterday she got a charley horse and didn't want to climb up and down 3 flights of stairs to get to and from classes today. I know this to be true.

I guess I should be thankful she turns 18 in a couple of months. But what kind of a life is she gonna have as an adult if she thinks this is the answer every time she has an 'owie?'

She needs to be told to suck it up and deal with it. Alot of 17 year olds have it fucking easy nowadays. I myself am 17, I work, go to school and do some extracurricular events at school. Now, I am working an $8.00/hour job.

My mother is out of work and has been for over a month. Since I am the only one working, I am paying the bills. I would love to see another 17 year old have such a responsibility at that age. Food, water, electricity, internet, and everything else.

Your girlfriend's daughter needs to know that her "owies" are going to end up in bigger "owies", bigger problems. Being a daddy's little girl, as you mentioned, she needs a goddamn wake up call.

Does she have a job? Does she pay any bills?

If she has a cell phone or anything else, tell her that since she is going to be an adult soon, she needs to start paying bills.

CAUTION!!! Make sure that you talk about this with her mother! I would HATE to see a relationship break up over a brat.

If you want me to elaborate or give any other opinions, let me know!

[Ben Lahnger]

darkangel, thanks for the feedback. Yes, absolutely I would have a talk with her Mother before I would have that conversation with her. And to be honest, we have said those kinds of things to her. She is on notice that as of when she graduates (or finishes this semester - there's some question of whether she will graduate or not due to her attendance) she will be 18 and will be expected to get a job and pay her way around here. But I'm not sure how much good it's done to tell her these things. I guess we will see.

Ben... don't just ask her. TELL HER! Give her the bill, let her phone get cut off and watch her grow some responsibility. She needs to realize that the world is cruel and cold, and that requires a certain amount of maturity. The fact is... she needs the job now. Write up a contract about her graduating. And if she doesn't get it that this is serious, start her rent as of her "graduation date" at 400 a month.

[WolfMoon]

DA, you've got your head on straight, girl. I like that.

My daughter is starting to sing along to her song videos. I tear up when I hear her sing "Head, chochers, knees, toes. Knee, toes."

Awwwww, my lil baby's growing up.

Sevi can stand all by himself for a few seconds.

*sigh*

It's all just so much sand slipping through my grasp.

Thanks Wolfie! I am sure that your two little ones will grow up levelheaded, and smart, just like Mom.

The only other thing I can say to those who have kids is that scare tactics work fricking wonders. My mother used to volunteer at a police station and she asked one of the officers if we could see the inside of a holding cell. (We were around 8 and 10) After seeing that, I have made it my goal NEVER to be in one. Knowing where I can go after that... holy god. Otherwise, I have my freedom and I love my mom for it. She lets me make my own decisions and mistakes.

The one story I will always remember. I was mad at Mom and being my 10 year old self, I yelled at her "Fuck off!" My first real swear against my mother. I ran my ass upstairs and awaited my beating in my room. Nothing happened. Absolutely NOTHING. She kept on playing cards with her friend that was over and waited for my guilt to overwhelm me. It did and I came down crying like the kid I was. I apologized, having felt bad for saying such a thing to my mother.

*tear* How I love my mom.

Ben, the coddling her father did to her has turned her into a lazy git. From what I read, it sounds like you need to give her a reality check but fast.

I have a friend at work who's having trouble with his step son. His stepson is a senior in high school, is flunking almost every subject and has ditched so many times that the state now considers him a "truent" and will possibly be fining the mother. How does mom respond to all of this? By letting her baby get his licences and a car.

Before the state called him a truent, the school sent home a letter detailing all of his absences. Her excuse? The teachers wern't taking attendance correctly. Her son told her that he was there and she believed him.

It's honestly disgusting when parents let their children get away with that. I hated school, but I went because my parents instilled in me a sense of responsibility, and the importance of my education.

And another thing that really irks me about some parents is how they're letting their children grow up too fast. I see little girls around where I live wearing high-heeled shoes, short skirts and make-up. Elementary school aged children! It's a travisty. Why does a little girl need make-up? Why does she need to shave her legs? Why does she need sexy underwear and high-heeled shoes? SHE DOESN'T!

It's not just the little girls though. Little boys are getting amazingly stupid as well. So many are dressed like little gang-bangers. They listen to degrading music about issues they should have no clue about at that age. They wear bling and $200 brand name shoes that they actually TRY to keep clean.

I mean, what the fuck people? What are you doing to our kids? It's frustrating. I see children like that and I just want to slap the parents. You're RUINING your child! They're going to wake up at 15 and wonder why they're hung-over, pregnant, and burdened with so much stress. And the only people to blame will be the parents.

Oh, some people will say blame society. It's society that is making them grow up fast. But that's bullshit. Society did not buy them those things.

I hated my mom for not letting me shave my legs until I was 14 and not wear makeup until I was 16. Now, I thank her so much, because I got to experience one of the greatest times EVER in a persons life: My Childhood.

Everyone here seems to have a good handle on the parenting thing. I applaude all of your trials and errors and the way you are raising your children. Seems to me that they will come out having a better appreciation for ALL people, cultures, places, and art. With how smart everyone here seems, I'm sure they'll come out with a deeper appreciation of learning, education, and continual growth.

And that, my dear ones, makes me able to sleep at night.

[edible_eye]

hiya, geisha. you've been missed 'round these parts.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by darkangel29

Ben... don't just ask her. TELL HER! Give her the bill, let her phone get cut off and watch her grow some responsibility. She needs to realize that the world is cruel and cold, and that requires a certain amount of maturity. The fact is... she needs the job now. Write up a contract about her graduating. And if she doesn't get it that this is serious, start her rent as of her "graduation date" at 400 a month.

Oh, make no mistake, she's been told all those things seriously. I never said we asked them. And in some regards she's done a bunch of growing up since a stint two years ago when she ran away from home and did drugs for six months. She's recovered (mostly) from the missed time at school, and is getting great grades - all A's and B's. And she is making plans to go on to college, so this is good too!

I'm still worried about whether her attendance will keep her from graduating on time. But I've told her that if she doesn't get it done by the end of this semester (her senior year,) I will personally driver her down to get her G.E.D. and we'll be done with it. And I am highly irritated by her willingness to play "I'm a fragile little victim" when it comes to every sniffle and scratch. But as I said, she is remarkably well grounded, all things considered.

Her dad pays for her cell phone. He is now a registered sex offender (long story - doesn't have anything to do with her. I know this for a fact.) He is not allowed by law to be around ANY underage children, so it is the main way he keeps in touch with her. So taking it away isn't even on the table and I'm the last person on earth who should try to convince him that it should be. But I don't think that is necessary either.

So when June rolls around and she either has her diploma or her GED, we will expect her to get a job. Right now the job market sucks, as I've explained elsewhere here in detailing my own job search. There are too many Katrina survivors calling Houston home these days. And threatening to throw her out if she doesn't pay rent is my kind of parenting, but with apartment occupancy at 95% full (again, Katrina survivors), her mother probably won't be on board with it.

But you know, I just get frustrated with the hypochondriac thing. I worked 4.5 years on my last job without calling in sick once. Princess has come home early from school once a week since Christmas break.

I'm expecting that one day the school counselors will tell her she won't get all her credits this semester because of attendence and cannot graduate this year. She'll come home and cry. She'll ask her mom to fix it. Mom will tell her there is nothing she can do. And I will tell her "I told you so." But I'll take no pleasure in it.

Originally Posted by edible_eye

hiya, geisha. you've been missed 'round these parts.

Have I? I didn't think I was established enough around here for people to notice my absense. But i feels good to be missed. How are you, EE?

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Originally Posted by GeishaGirl

Have I? I didn't think I was established enough around here for people to notice my absense. But i feels good to be missed. How are you, EE?

I missed you as well.

We were just inquiring as to your whereabouts today, in fact.

Good timing!!

And a resounding A-Motherfucking-Men to the hordes of children that are growing up way too fast.

It absolutely sickens me.

But that's a soapbox I am too weary to climb up on right now..

Maybe tommorrow.

Good to see you back nonetheless..

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by GeishaGirl

And another thing that really irks me about some parents is how they're letting their children grow up too fast.

Geisha, you may not think that you've established yourself much here. But even though you may not post as often as some others, I've notice that your posts usually contain thoughtful discourse like this. I also appreciate it, and miss it when you are gone.

And I strongly agree with you on this point in particular. The price these children (and society as a whole) pay for lost childhood is too high.

[edible_eye]

Originally Posted by GeishaGirl

How are you, EE?

me? i'm fine, thanx - and sexual as hell, just to keep on topic.

[WolfMoon]

Originally Posted by edible_eye

me? i'm fine, thanx - and sexual as hell, just to keep on topic.

Er, yeah, that's new.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by edible_eye

me? i'm fine, thanx - and sexual as hell, just to keep on topic.

Um, while it's true that Goth-type folks usually have to be sexual to become Mummies and Daddies, I don't really think that was on topic.

e_e, maybe you just lost track of what thread you were in?

[Blushing Heliophobe]

Here is a picture of my 'squirt' at 7 weeks. I am now at 17, and will have more ultrasound pics in late February when I find out if it is a girl or boy. Here s/he is!!!

[Blushing Heliophobe]

Also, either in this thread or another one EPS requested a belly pic. Now there are belly pictures in the Picture Post...but I'm not quite sure I should throw a pregnant belly in there with the mix. Might be a bit of a shock to the eyes Here is my belly 2 weeks ago!



I hope that it isn't too weird to see pregga bellies on gnet...

[tenet_2012]

I love preggo bellies!

It is a sign that this world isn't going to complete shit.

There is hope, yet.